Archaic Records of this Bastard Goddess!
by LordVTP
Summary: Kazuma and Megumin are due to marry. A confused Princess Iris encounters a banished goddess, who unleashes a wicked curse upon her. But this might give her a chance to finally live out her dreams. Princess Iris goes on an adventure!
1. Chapter 1

**Archaic Records of this Bastard Goddess!**

 **By**

 **LordVTP & Uranophane**

 **Forward**

This Konosuba fanfiction is set and written post Light Novel 12 release. It contains any number of series spoilers as such. You have been warned!

* * *

 **Prologue**

* * *

Once upon a time, in a far away land-

There was a princess…

But there was no prince-

Only a group of super skilled adventurers!

That princess desperately wanted to join these adventurers and be happy together.

This was her only wish.

For a time-

-And in the end, the group disbanded and disappeared.

The princess was alone again…

They were all alone, together.

And that was the legend of the Dark+Angel onii-chan told me about…

* * *

 **Chapter 1 - A Field Trip for This Grounded Princess!**

 **Part 1**

* * *

"Your Highness, sorry to interrupt, but… Please finish your breakfast soon! It's been more than an hour..."

Still dazed, I heard Claire's worried voice echo from the opposite end of the table.

Well… Apologies mutual, my loyal bodyguard; but I'm afraid you weren't heard-

I continued to sleep.

Right on the table.

As for why, it's obviously because I wasn't able to get much sleep last night.

"Your Highness…? Iris-sama?"

In fact, I've been having these sleepless nights nearly weekly for the past year or so.

Maybe the pressures of royal duties have finally taken effect on me…

"Princess, please wake up! Falling asleep randomly during your lessons with Rain-san was… tolerable, but on the breakfast table…"

...and her stubbornness wasn't helping.

"Claire-san, please stop spamming. I'm AFK."

So I reprimanded her annoying behaviour with the most succinct of the vocabulary I learned from nii-san Kazuma. "AFK" is especially amazing, as it perfectly describes the feeling of utter disinterest, the unwillingness to obey one's teammates and the lack of access to a "keyboard", whatever that might be.

"...G-glad to see you're awake, Your Highness… I know I've mentioned this numerous times, but please refrain from using those unbecoming words!"

Kazuma-chan told me those were highly refined words of rapid communication used only by the most powerful adventurers in his grand guild. How dare she disrespect them?

Though, as a mature princess, I must refrain from prosecuting elders.

Mainly because Claire did something rude AF the last time I rebelled against her.

After I finished breakfast a few hours later-

I was supposed to be learning economics from Rain.

As royalty, it's a subject that I had to eventually start learning, despite it being my least favourite.

However, I'm in luck today as she had meetings to attend to, letting me have a day off.

Not that a day off would do any good for me; it was simply replacing boredom with more, albeit less stressful, boredom.

And that gave me time to think alone…

…

About what exactly, though?

Normal girls of my age would have many friends to play and chat with…

They would also have hobbies to think about whenever they have free time.

…

I'm also 14 now… 14 year old girls… would they have… boyfriends?

They're marriageable at least.

Damn, is this what I ended up thinking about out of all things? You were the one who 'friendzoned' that prince, Iris!

…

Even thinking has become difficult for me. What is happening?

… It's probably due to the capital increasing security, as ordered personally by Claire, against departures and entry, adding pressure to the already busy guards.

Or rather, it's because I am now under constant surveillance, stripped of any chances to ever slip out again.

Yet there is a greater problem besides that…

It has to do with the reason I friendzoned Revi in the first place.

That's right, I still haven't received any letters from onii-sama since he had been repatriated a year ago.

Since then, I haven't been able to even attend to Megumin-san's thieving group meetings because I "needed to reduce interactions with mentally questionable people".

That said, I'm not exactly clueless about the outside world either.

As a princess, I need to make sure my beloved citizens are well and safe!

… or at least onii-sama.

For that noble purpose, I've secretly assembled my very own spying group using the capital's most skilled thieves and used it to learn about his every move.

There were a plenty of good news and bad ones…

For one, he continued to defeat notorious monsters and evade taxes in brilliant displays of skill since he was teleported away.

And the best news is, he regained his memories!

But the bad-well, slightly-less-good news is that he finally got his first kiss! With… Lalatina-san. On top of that, there have been more and more reports of him sleeping together with Megumin-san.

Not that I have a problem with that… After all, I'm the princess of a nation and I cannot let such puny romantic matters interfere with my royal duties.

Still…

"Ahhhh, onii-chan, you're such a player…"

...a harem can't be too terrible, can it?

Just as I pondered over the unthinkable, a rather energetic knocking came from my door.

"You may enter."

But of course, it wasn't locked. I braced myself for the inevitable as…

"Iris-sama! I have great news Iris-sama! You have visitors tomorrow! Please remember to wake early and be at your best behavior! As for whom the guests are, I'm afraid I can't let you know yet. That is all; please continue to enjoy your break, princess."

...Claire burst in with a face of excitement and revealed something very important.

That evening.

I paced around my large and empty bedroom as I waited.

I have not been involved in much business since the Elroad mission ended with wild success.

On a side note, that prince also has a scheduled meeting with me in a few days . What does he want? I can think of several possibilities, but none of them are any good.

Being on the higher tiers of royalty, I have only had these scheduled meetings with other high-ranked officials, like that spoiled noob...

But regular visitors? Out of nowhere?

Something about it strikes me as exciting, but it also made me quite anxious.

By the way, since Claire kept adamantly refusing to tell me the details while wearing a blissful expression, I assigned my spy team the righteous deed of getting more insight on these mysterious visitors.

It was for the best to both of us!

Just now, a translucent figure began to materialize in front of me.

"Thea-san! Did you find out who they are?"

It was Thea nee-san, my former trainer and lead spy, teleporting in.

"Y-your Highness, I have the information you requested, but now I'm not sure if I should tell it to you either… "

Seriously?

What kind of situation would be so terrible that not even my most trustworthy subordinate could bear revealing to me?

Kazuma's party had been effectively keeping the Demon King at bay recently, the amount of corrupt nobles also took a dip when Lalatina-san initiated the surprise tax collection.

Unless…

"Your Highness, Kazuma-dono and his party will be visiting tomorrow-"

"Really!? That's lit! Perhaps I'll finally hear the whole story about Dark Angel and onii-chan's guild! Maybe even…"

Great, I got too excited again. Keeping composure is a lot harder than what most people give it credit for.

"... Excuse me… Anyway, what brought the prestigious party here this time?"

After taking a deep breath and calming myself, I asked Thea the inevitable question.

"About that… Your Highness, this matter might be highly sensitive for you, Kazuma-dono and his party. Are you absolutely certain that…?"

Responded Thea after taking a deep breath of her own.

By now, my earlier enthusiasm has died away completely.

A matter that is highly sensitive to both onii-sama's party and myself…

Somehow, I couldn't help but feel pessimistic about what's to come, not to mention the tone Thea-san used.

"Onii-chan… he's in massive debt again, isn't he?"

It's only reasonable to become indebted after the Great Axel Taxation last year. As a royal, I must help him by whatever means-

"Errrr… actually, he managed to hide from the tax collectors by getting thrown in jail. While he was harassed by other adventures for evading the tax, he hasn't been robbed yet either. The truth is-"

Hearing that, my mood brightened a little.

"Ah, no need then. As long as onii-chan is well, I'm happy!"

It's about time for me to stop being sensitive anyway.

Besides, even the usually disapproving Claire-san couldn't hold her smiles when talking about it.

Whatever's next couldn't be too bad, right?

… dang, I just raised a flag didn't I?

"Well then, if that's your wish, princess-sama. I shall withdraw now."

With that, Thea disappeared in an instant.

* * *

 **Part 2**

* * *

That night.

Needless to say, I will likely be not getting any sleep.

Instead, I kept worrying about what surprises might onii-sama have in store.

It really made me wonder…

How did it come to this?

Satou Kazuma… at first a mere playmate, then somehow became my brother, then bodyguard, finally…

No, Iris, you promised. You promised that you will never be headstrong or abuse your cuteness again.

Which means that Kazuma-san is and can only be a brother to you.

That's right, when I said that I loved onii-chan, I meant it as a brother!

However, as I turned back around on my bed, my eyes fell upon the toy ring that Kazuma bought from Elroad…

Right, he still has the engagement ring doesn't he?

What should we make of that then?

Although he technically obtained it illegally and I had promised to be no more than his little sister, I still kind of hope that he keeps it…

… Hopefully forever.

As a token of friendship, of course!

We will forever be fellow adventurers at heart, no matter how much the world changes around us.

I tried to cheer myself up as I slipped the cheaply-made iron-and-glass ring around my finger.

I smiled at the familiar sensation, yet my vision blurred a little…

Well, that was a valiant attempt.

Not wanting to think too much more, I buried my face into the pillow and dozed off.

"Iris-sama, Iris-sama! Not like this; please wake up!"

A familiar voice called at me from the abyss.

"Iris-sama, wake up!"

The voice became louder.

On a side note, it feels quite drafty.

Where did I fall asleep this time?

Let's see…

I opened my eyes with some effort and immediately saw Rain standing at the door, her face blushed and shocked.

Between her and I is a pile of…

Crap, that's my dress!

It all suddenly came to me; I had fallen asleep while changing after waking up before the sun has even risen!

But more importantly…

"Your Highness is finally awake! Please get dressed quickly; Kazuma-dono and his friends are currently having a chat with Claire-san in the premium guest room- ah, apologies, I have to run..."

Saying that, Rain hurried off, closing the door behind her.

…

How could I!? How could I be late for such an important event!? How could I fall asleep while half-naked!? What if onii-chan came in while…

I willfully cut off the last thought and hastily threw on my new dress.

I was told earlier to stay in my bedroom as I wait for them.

Ah, those old days when onii-sama told me bedtime stories.

I still remember his story about Dark+Angel and how the guild leader took her in to go on many many epic adventures together…

...though for some reason, the massive guild dissolved in the end.

Just as I wondered about what the rest of the story might entail, I heard footsteps approaching from behind the door.

I quickly righted my sitting position and put on a welcoming smile.

After all, no matter how negative the news onii-chan is about to bring might be, starting a long-awaited meeting on a high note is always a good idea.

Before long, the door was knocked…!

"You may enter!"

I called with a bright voice.

Seconds later, I found myself in an uncontrollable embrace with Kazuma.

I tried to act collected and prepared, but ultimately failed to resist the temptation.

Sorry, Kazuma's teammates~

Hey, at least we're in relative privacy-

"I-Iris!" *4

I broke the hug in response to everyone's somewhat surprised greeting.

"Good morning, Aqua-san, Megumin-Big-Boss-san, Lalatina-san! Good morning, onii-sama!"

Returning the favor, I sat back down onto the bed.

This wonderful team was my team for a time.

My extended family…!

… And my chivalrous criminals in arms, but that's a story for another day.

"H-hey, long time no s-see, Iris! Nee-san is here to teach you l-lewd dances!"

I see Aqua-san had been drinking.

My newly-acquired intuition tells me that the wine was her primary reason for coming here.

But at least the others are…!

Huh?

Lalatina-san was looks exasperated…Along with Claire and Rain!?

Crap, did I screw up again?

They had both buried their faces in their hands.

Oh come on, it's the first time we've met in a year! Please cut me some slack?

"Onii-sama! It's been so long! Too long! I'm happy AF to see you, to see you all!"

A year's worth of pent-up loneliness just released involuntarily-if I can't be myself with these people, then who?

"Ah… good morning my dear sister. Sorry for not visiting you more often, but those guards really…"

Kazuma responded in a somewhat nervous manner.

"Indeed, my faithful underling. The thieving group has suffered great economic hardship without your support. As your Big Boss, I sincerely apologise for not reaching out to you sooner."

Followed Megumin with an unusually gentle voice.

Wait, why is she apologizing the first thing in the morning, anyway? She's the boss, after all!

Even though Megumin-san claimed to be sincere, I could sense some deeper insecurity between her wavering eyes and dishonest excuse.

After the initial exchange, Kazuma took a chair close to the windows; the furthest one from the bed on which I sat.

Instead, the person directly across from me was Lalatina-san, who kept her uneasy expression.

The onee-san's were all dressed in formal dresses…much to my dismay. I longed to wear my armor and take a walk with them ready for battle!

What is going on?

Onii-sama's party then proceeded to sit awkwardly in silence for a moment as their drunk archpriest was escorted out by a pair of maids.

Eh?

What's this atmosphere I'm only clueing into now?

This visit is going south at an alarmingly fast rate.

Why do their smiles look so forced?

A million questions raced through my mind and they must have noticed because even the forced smiles turned to genuine concern.

Don't look at me that way!

Bad news _…_

This has to be horrible news!

I felt a sudden draft and chill.

Onii-chan appears to be under a lot of pressure; his eyes kept darting back and forth between Megumin and I.

He also seems to be having something to say that he couldn't get out.

It was Lalatina-san who broke the silence,

"So… nice to see you again, Your Highness. Today we've come to resolve an important, ongoing... conflict."

She sounded uncertain about her choice of words.

As if she's dancing around the issue.

Lalatina-san then glanced over at Kazuma-signaling for him to talk, probably.

"...Ahhh! You see, Iris, there's actually nothing wrong at all! We simply wanted to see-oww!"

Megumin elbowed him harshly and spoke in his stead,

"Look, my underling-princess Iris, the situation is that… I am… with Kazuma-san… we're getting engaged."

I felt my mind blank out for a brief moment.

So the observations added up; they were dating after all.

First the explosion walks, then the bed sharing, and now…

Not that it would affect me… I'm his little sister, right? I should be feeling proud of him!

"Ahh, that's g-great news! Onii-sama is getting his own family! Is there an-anything I could help with?"

…yet, I only felt more depressed than ever.

…

Fine!

At this point, I might as well admit it and come to terms with myself;

I… do love Onii-sama, don't I…?

So what? It won't change the fact that he is…

Maybe I'll have to settle for a harem, like in onii-sama's weird games?

It's an extremely risky choice in more ways than one, but yet...

It doesn't sound too bad considering it's Big Boss I'll be sharing him with.

"No need, Iris! What I mean is that… you can help if you want, but we're here for… another reason…"

Onii-sama has become so nervous that his voice is stuttering.

There's more? Just how much has happened without me knowing?

Suddenly, Claire and Rain withdrew from the room.

Now I really wish that I listened to all Thea had to say last night.

The door clicked shut and the room froze.

Kazuma then stood up abruptly and said in an monotone voice as if he's reciting,

"Your Highness-"

Don't call me that! It sounds cold AF!

"-I, Satou Kazuma, wish to first inform you on behalf of my party that-"

And what's with that formality!? I'm your sister, FFS!

"-we fully acknowledge and apologize for any inconvenience and psychological shock that this might cause you-"

I couldn't help but gulp as my heart raced.

This is a typical start to any casualty report or rejection letter!

"-I, Satou Kazuma, also wish to apologize for committing theft of royal properties-"

No! You protected me by stealing the necklace! You did nothing wrong! And you may keep the ring as-

"-and shall hereby revoke the contract of engagement."

No! It's not a contract! You could have kept it as a memento or souvenir or something!

As anything that reminds you of me!

No…

Tears started automatically filling up inside my eyelids.

But I've been taught many ways to hold them back since I was young, and I'm skilled at it.

"As per requested by Claire-dono, we have come to return the engagement ring to it's respectful owner."

And silence followed.

My vision became a blur.

All I could make out was the crisp _tink_ as the ring was dropped onto the table.

A room that suddenly felt very big, and all the warmth now drained from it.

The atmosphere had turned painful, it felt like someone had died…

Or rather, something had died?

Onii... Kazuma-dono sat down and covered his face with both of his hands, as if this was the hardest moment he had ever faced.

Impossible! This can't possibly be!

Since when did this perverse lolicon become so monogamous and reliable!?

My poker face is slowly falling apart as the tears increased in volume.

Seemingly sensing my miserable state, Lalatina-san tried to comfort me,

"Iris-sama, we can see ourselves out whenever you wish."

It's getting incredibly difficult to refrain from outright crying.

I'm way too emotional for someone of royalty!

Mimicking Kazuma, I, too, lowered my head.

"Y-your Highness, please don't look so dejected! I didn't try to- I mean, I tried but I didn't mean to approach him this aggressively-a-and he played along! That NEET somehow had the courage to return my feelings and promise to be with only me! He even dumped Darkness! So please forgive me, it all just… happened!"

Megumin-dono desperately explained, hoping to ease any possible grudges I might hold against her.

"Megumin! You're only complicating things further by dragging me in!"

But the truth is, I could never come to hate my Big Boss.

"Hey! Don't act like you're innocent! Everyone here knows you kissed me! Twice!"

Nor do I hate onii-sama or Lalatina-san.

"Ah, right! Let me tell you how much your nii-chan loved you! The first thing he thought of when I wanted to sleep with him was to write a letter to you!"

But that does not make this okay.

That does not make any of this okay!

I'm very hurt and don't feel like seeing anyone right now.

I also do not currently care about what happened to the letter he apparently wrote…

Because I'm…

 _I'm angry AF!_

"Everybody, withdraw at once."

I'm a royal, a top-tiered one at that.

"Guards! Remove them."

I shouldn't even be prone to this type of emotional manipulation!

Panicked pleas were heard as the door burst open and a mess of footsteps followed.

Right now, all I need is silence.

* * *

 **Part 3**

* * *

Tick… tock… tick…

The clock in my bedroom has never sounded louder.

Because for once, I sat on my bed and thought of nothing for hours.

How could I find something to think of…

...when the last interesting piece of my life just vanished?

It was a first-time-in-forever surprise visit from my dearest adventuring party and I kicked them out.

At least I didn't let any weakness fluid flow. Yet, anyway.

So much for getting excited.

So much for my education.

I fell backwards onto my bed and stared out the large windows.

The sun has set, and I haven't eaten either of my meals.

Somewhere out there…

I hope _they_ aren't hating me for what I did.

It wasn't to shun them, but was merely me correcting my fragile and inappropriate mental state.

Sorry for that.

… Tick… tock… tick…

Now looking at the window just reminded me of that night.

When those two memorable figures dashed through this very room and out this very window, taking with them the ring that now sat alone on the desk.

What I wouldn't give for them to climb up the walls, through the window just to steal it back again…

The image is vivid.

So vivid that I could almost see the grappling hook catching the window frame.

I could even hear the laborious breaths and light footsteps as they climbed the wall.

...wait.

That is an actual grappling hook.

And someone is really climbing the tower.

My eyes shot wide open as I sprang off the bed and sprinted my way to the window to find…!

"La-Lalatina-san!?"

"Shhhh! This is only my second time, please don't judge!"

And within seconds, all of my worries, memories and sorrows were replaced with questions.

With some difficulty, Lalatina-san managed to squeeze through the window.

Not that I'm doubting her skills, but…

Let's just say that crusaders are not thieves for a reason.

"Lalatina-san? Why have you come at night? Why are you all alone? Where did you get the equipment? From whom did you learn to climb walls?"

I rapid-fired my questions to her.

She mentioned something about this being her second time.

So when was the first?

"I-Iris-sama… slow… slow down… y-you have no idea… how tall that was…"

Lalatina-san collapsed in a chair and breathed heavily.

By the way, she's wearing her undershirt without armor.

Which makes her look really…

... _lewd_.

"It's like this, Iris-sama. I am a part of the silver hair thieving group now-or at least I was for one night. I infiltrated with them when all the orphanage stuff happened and we needed to sneak into a demon's castle. But that's all beside the point."

The silver hair thieving group? As in, _them_?

Unbelievable! Even Lalatina-san got closer to him than I ever did.

"I knew this would happen; that you would take the news badly and remove us to sulk by yourself. I came to make sure you're fine and don't do anything _rash_."

Lalatina-san explained with a serious face.

Don't worry; I'd never leave an entire nation behind for my own selfish causes.

"And I knew all that because… well, as you've heard, he rejected me, too."

She blushed at the mention of the event.

I have to wonder though…

"What did it feel like to almost have a man? His heart?"

Lalatina-san looked down and seemed to consider my question, then after a few moments-

"His heart? I don't know...His interest? Sure, that one night, back when I was almost married off...it nearly happened and I felt so much regret."

Poor Lalatina… She still doesn't understand Onii-sama's primary attribute.

"You can't win him over with just ero...You understand that don't you?"

Now it was her turn to look depressed.

"...So it seems… and I guess that means...I never really had a chance." She said morosely.

-then fixed me with a very strange glare!

"That said…'small and cute' seems to work _very well_ on him!"

I _wish_.

"Is Latatina-san unconfident with her own body, jealous of mine, or both? ...Don't answer that."

I took back my question and said something else,

"I think...I had that moment multiple times already..."

… That seemed to only worsen Lalatina-san's mood.

"Hey! "

It was only the truth.

Had I held off Megumin till he accepted me…

I could have-

I _would_ have-

I would have... devastated her.

Oh…

It leaked.

The next thing I knew I was no longer a princess, or a noble.

I was just a little girl crying my eyes out.

And Lalatina-san was holding me, rocking me… and for some reason, she's crying every bit as hard.

It all makes me wonder…

Did onii-sama's old guild take Dark+Angel well?

Or did they secretly hate her?

I hate this.

Sometime later, we had some food brought to the room.

In my...Anger? Anguish? Whichever, I had utterly forgotten to eat dinner.

And now Lalatina was sort of… drunk.

"Uwah..heheh...Iri-chan..you're lucky… here in the castle. At least you don't get reminded of it all day and night."

I don't think Big Boss would flaunt things cruelly ...would she?!

"The walls of the mansion (hic)...are...thinner ...worse at hiding the sounds…."

Sounds...huh. WTF! She's implying?! She can hear them…!?

"This one time...One night, Megumin even knocked on my door and told me to 'be quieter we're trying to sleep!'"

Luckily, my worries were misplaced.

"And then... all those letters he had me post to you (sniff)"

Wait a second, _what_? I've heard about him sending it but…

Letters, _plural_!?

I grabbed her by the shoulders and looked right into her eyes… and she seemed to sober up immediately.

"Do tell me about these letters you posted for Onii-sama. Tell me in _detail_!'

Early the next morning I had certain parties look into certain ... _issues._ And now, I have summoned a formal meeting in the throne room.

Complete with guards and-

-certain extras.

Ahh, there she is!

The large and ornate doors to the throne room slowly opened, and Claire strode into the room, looking a little off put by the unusually large attendance for a summons by myself.

She went to the usual spot for supplicants and knelt down and-

"As commanded by her Highness, I appear…"

Such a good show of splendid loyalty!

 _Sure thing_.

"Rise my loyal bodyguard and guardian. Report."

Claire's tilts her head in confusion, 'report on what?' she must be thinking.

"Ahem, the measures to inhibit Kazuma-san's movements to the capital have been rescinded. Most of his group went straight back to Axel after you showed them what for...I mean ran out of patience. It is not my place to comment on Dustiness-kyo's behavior though."

Look at that smugly attitude.

If that's how you want to play this,

"Funny you should mention things 'not being your place'. For the record, what is your place again?" I said with icy civility.

Oh, now she gets it. Something is off right? She's starting to squirm.

This feels-

Not bad?

"I am the head of the Noble House Symphonia, a high noble of this kingdom and your personal bodyguard. I am also guardian regent to you the first princess in your father the King's necessary absence in these days of conflict with the Devil King."

"Ah, I see then. So I am correct in my thinking that you are not, in fact, a royal? Of any house or nation?"

"Huh?! Uh...that is correct? Your highness?" Claire said looking around nervously.

This feels kind of nice.

This look of panic.

Ahh…

I'm enjoying this way more than I'm supposed to.

"You are surely aware then, that to interfere with, intercept, or break the seal of messages intended for royalty is universally counted a capital crime in this world, yes? A crime on the level of high treason. "

The silence in this room is deafening.

Yet at the same time, I can somehow hear the gears grinding away in Claire's little head.

Rain is also looking highly uncomfortable from the sidelines.

Don't worry; stop teaching me stupid economics and you'll be spared!

"So Claire-san, do tell me what happened to the thirty-six letters Kazuma sent to me over the last year or so, posted by Dustiness-kyo under state seal and attached envelope? Those carried the absolute legal protection after all, I doubt even the Demon King would tolerate one being trifled with had it been addressed to him."

"I..I was acting in your best interest your highness! That's right, I was doing my duty as protector and guardian!"

"None the less, you have no standing, or right to do such a thing. You have violated the trust that my father, myself and this kingdom placed in you."

"Iris-sama _please_! I couldn't allow that man to influence you, or capture your heart! Only a less cunning, more _heroic_ person…-Nothing good could come from such a uncultured criminal getting his hooks in-"

"SILENCE!"

I commanded.

I had never done that before, not seriously anyway.

I had never really believed the expression 'seeing red' in anger was literal.

No one.

No one outside the party insults Onii-sama like that.

Not on my watch!

 _Not today!_

"That 'uncultured criminal' has accomplished ten times as much for the peace of this kingdom, and of the world then every person in this castle combined. A more heroic person? Please Claire… List out all such men in this world who have done more. Where does this confidence of yours come from? All of you 'nobles' go slay some Demon King generals before you speak on behalf of me!"

 _Wow-_

Now most of the royal court is squirming as well.

Is this what authority and power feels like?

"Claire, by now even you must know that Kazuma-san is the one most likely to defeat the Demon King, out of anyone-and still you behave like this."

She just can't accept it.

She won't.

She can't.

 _Because she-_

"Claire of House Symphonia, it is our judgment that you have let your personal...deviant affections cloud your sound judgement."

Claire's head shot up in horror as the room erupted in whispers and shuffling feet. Did she think I'd have no clue?

Some things just are not spoken of.

 _Until they are!_

"Iris-sama…" she said, tears now openly showing in her eyes.

Don't act sad; you brought this upon yourself.

You had it coming all along!

You thought yesterday was your victory, the end of your little conspiracy.

It was indeed the end.

"Claire-san, what is the charge of the guardian regency placed upon you by my father? I command you to recite it."

"T-That I would wield the royal authority and have power to act in your name as both guardian, and regent of the King until you are of the age of your majority . To govern in your stead and look after the wellbeing of yourself and the kingdom until such time as you are of age."

Oh Claire, you already look half dead.

"Claire-san, what is the legal age of majority in this country?"

"Fourteen your highness…"

"Claire-san, how old am I?"

She can't say it. That's ok, she doesn't have to. I look to the court scribe and record keeper that is standing at the ready.

"The princess Iris is fourteen years of age, she has met the legal standard."

As I stand up, silence hushes over the throne room.

"Bring forth the block!"

I commanded again.

I could sense everyone's hearts skip a beat.

Two attendants carry in the ornate, gilded headsman's block, reserved for nobility. It hasn't seen much use in my lifetime. Rather, it's the first time I've even seen it.

Claire's looking at it in a cold sweat and shaking.

 _Good…_

"Clair of House Symphonia, I command you to place the regents seal on the block."

With much hesitation, and with tremendous shame, she obeys.

I hope this hurts.

I hope it hurts as much as you hurt me.

I won't feel pity for you.

Not yet.

The regents seal is a custom made ring, emblazoned with the crown, my own name as well as the mark of Claire's house. It is the sign of the office and authority. Like royal signet, by tradition such things never survive beyond the office's life.

However, I want this one to be a little more dramatic!

"Headsmen! Take your blade and destroy the Ring of Regency."

The symbolism is not lost of the audience, or on Claire as she falls to her knees, weeping openly.

"Ping-"

And it is done.

My childhood is severed.

"As of now, I take upon myself the powers and authorities of my birth. So let it be noted in the royal registers!"

Everyone kneels-

Everyone but Claire.

Not that she could get down when she's already down.

I've had my pound of flesh.

It'll suffice...for now.

Claire isn't all that selfish either.

She had protected me for a long time from the scammers and kidnappers. It's no surprise that she treated Kazuma the same way.

Bodyguards have this phobia for cunning people more often than not.

But nonetheless, she was the one that let him be my guard in Elroad.

I sat upon the throne and for the first time it doesn't feel too big for me.

Now, I may have overdone it-she looks shaken and devastated.

"Claire-san, _please_ _rise_ …"

Did she expect to put her head on that block next?

"Claire-san, I appoint you as my first counselor, advisor, and charge you with the keeping of matters pertaining to the kingdom."

Oh, that look!

 _This is also nice_!

Watching Claire recover from her dread was satisfying.

Maybe it's about time I stepped out of Kazuma's shadow too-

* * *

 **Part 4**

* * *

Several days later.

My mood has practically returned to normal, mostly thanks to Claire letting me unload my wrath upon her.

We haven't talked since then, but I'm fairly certain that she feels just fine.

Rain also decided to unconditionally give me a vacation; I appreciate her for that.

Although now that _he_ left me, I'm once again prone to marrying an actual prince and potentially having to carry the responsibilities of running a kingdom.

Which makes learning economics all the more important.

But all aside, I'm preparing today for the meeting with the prince of Elroad, Revi.

Yes, the snob that I nearly had to marry.

I told him a while ago that I didn't want to see anyone for the time being, but he insisted.

What trick does he have up his sleeve this time?

I pushed the door to the small meeting room open and made my way in.

Surprisingly, Revi-san had requested to see me personally in private.

Claire and Rain both expressed disagreement, but neither of them acted on it for their own reasons.

I sat down behind the table and waited for his entry.

I'm a mature princess now and I should behave like one. I will handle this idiot on my own.

So in case he decides to ask me if I would reconsider marrying him, I'll just say-

"Good morning Miss Belzerg Stylish Sword-"

"I won't marry you."

I may have gotten slightly ahead of myself there, but sooner is always better than later and faster is always safer than slower.

"...W-what!? That had to be the fastest rejection in history…! Regardless, I'm not here to propose… Well, I did come to propose but not to you; I came to propose a deal-"

"I won't marry you even with bribe money. Well, maybe I'll consider it if you're paying more than 10 trillion eris."

Money can't buy everything… unless there's a critical mass of it, in which case it can indeed buy anything.

Everything from the kingdom's military strength, food production, to happiness for the adventurers.

See? Economics isn't as hard as Rain had made it out to be. Kazuma-san had me covered!

"Excuse me princess, please allow me to explain first! I did not come to win your heart! We are only friends, remember? That said, I have something amazing to show you which you'll have a 96.67% chance of wanting."

Revi replied almost desperately. He might have come for an actual, valid reason this time.

"Oh really? Something I want!? That's brilliant, my prince! Will you deliver me freedom from the incarceration of this tower?"

I may have overdone the sarcastic tone, but he only looked more excited.

"As expected of the princess of Belzerg! Guessing it on her first try! Exactly, we at Elroad have discovered a potential technology that will allow us- _you_ -to sneak out unnoticed! How's it sound?"

Oi.

What?

Did he just… say something important?

Revi continued as I tried to process what he's suggesting.

"Shocked? Unsurprising! Ever since the spy demon had been defeated thanks to you, Your Highness, our scientists have been working hard on replicating his abilities based on his remains. We found that he's distinct from other demons in that his abilities are innate to the matter that made up him…which means that we can make wonderful weap- _tools_ from his corpse! Since I've heard from my subordinates that you often feel lonely and wish to get out more-"

"Wait! Before you start convincing me to invest, tell me why you're so obsessed with my desires! …And say I'm hypothetically interested, what would I be paying back in this deal!?"

Thanks to his education, he's sounding more and more like a door-to-door salesman.

"... Look, I… Felt extremely excited to be your friend! Yeah! I couldn't sleep the night after you departed! You, the powerful Dragon Slayer, are my friend! That leads into the second answer-I wish to learn combat skills from you. My personal trainers all have business backgrounds and are really...!"

Really? You'd rather learn combat skills from a 14-year-old little girl than any professional trainer?

Real smooth, you snake.

"...Having said that, because the research will cost a fortune, our casinos cannot support it as it is. If you will allow us to reduce our imbursement for the next year or so… we can promise that we deliver the product by-hey! No hitting!"

In the afternoon.

Long story short, I got counter-bribed.

The plan goes as follows:

The scientists and mages at Elroad are working to create a mindless, realistic clone puppet out of Ragcraft's remains. It could be controlled telepathically by me from outside the castle to act as a dummy.

With the dummy in place, I could sneak out of the castle anytime I want and do whatever I want. More importantly, I could play with Big Boss or Lalatina-san if I feel like doing that again sometime in the future.

In return, I would have one-on-one training sessions with Revi to help him gain skill points so that he can…

On a second thought, why would a prince of a casino nation need combat abilities?

I'm certain there is an ulterior motive to this deal, but I'll let it slide because freedom after being effectively grounded for this long is very important to me.

But regardless of what it ends up being, the dummy won't be finished for another long while.

Hopefully, I'll at least be able to sleep better during the wait-

Today is an important day.

A battlebase to the east is being reopened as a resort as the demon army's front continued to be pushed back.

We have been doing a number on them lately, thanks to the tremendous contribution from one renowned party from Axel in particular.

I also have to retake an economics exam that I failed for the third time.

What else…

Right, after a year of waiting, Elroad's prince finally notified me that the product I had invested in was complete.

Not that I really need it anymore; I've adapted to the lifestyle of constantly being busy and staying inside rather well.

Living the life of an adventurer is but a childhood fantasy at this point.

My identity could easily be exposed; to think that a brown robe could hide it was naive of me. Not having an adventurer's card just puts the final nail in the coffin.

But I'll attend to his meeting anyway. After all, 15% of our funding have been going towards research for the past year.

Also, a doppelganger slave will prove… useful.

When the meeting ended, the amazingly accurate clone was sent en route to Belzerg while I stayed behind to train with Revi.

I was surprised he even kept his word. I might have to reevaluate my view of this boy.

We haven't decided on the location yet, but if there's one thing this world doesn't lack, it'd be empty fields and monsters.

Or so I thought.

"Your Highness, are you sure what you said about there being an abundance of monsters out here was true…?"

We're currently heading straight north, in hopes of finding some tough monsters in the mountain ranges nearby.

"...Well, that coming from the princess of a frontline nation, you can't accuse me of lying."

However, considering that we're around Elroad, a back line economy nation, finding monsters probably isn't as easy as I had imagined, especially after I've defeated the Golden Dragon already.

…

"It really is quite awkward being alone with me in the wilderness isn't it? Sorry about that Your Highness."

Revi, whatever tactic that was, it's not working.

So we've been exploring for hours after some elementary training, but so far we've encountered nothing.

What a gaping hole in our plans…!

I wish I had Luna-san's problem right now, having too many missions and not enough adventurers to complete them.

I wish there was a job board or something at Elroad.

In fact, I wish I could go to Axel right now!

Too bad we don't have access to mages right at the moment either.

"Your Highness, look over there! What is that!?"

Your tactics are only getting worse, prince-san.

I remained silent.

"No, really…! Is that a lone hawkite overhead? Why is it circling us? Why is it alone!?"

I looked up this time and surprisingly saw the monster in question.

"Well, it's better than nothing. Why not use it to demonstrate your archery skills? "

True, a flying, lone hawkite is indeed a rare sight, but we can't just go home empty-handed either.

"Your Highness, I somehow have an ominous feeling about killing such a monster… like it's the harbinger of something far stronger."

Revi suddenly lost his prior braveness and said something discouraging like that.

"Even better! We'll never get anywhere if we only practice with low level dummies. Besides… "

I drew my sword in a reassuring manner.

"It'll be nothing a Sacred•Explode can't take care of!"

I was merely bluffing, but let's be realistic; what are the chances for another dragon-grade enemy to be around a backline nation?

"You called it, princess! Check out my [Snipe]!"

Revi cocked his crossbow and shot at the hawkite.

...and missed.

"Well, it was a close shot. Don't feel down, I believe if you managed to hit those discs back there, you-"

"It dodged! It did a barrel roll and dodged! That little bastard…!"

Are you sure your eyes are okay, prince-san?

"Damn! It's too nimble! It's trying to fly away! [Snipe]! [Snipe]! [Scattershot]!"

Revi seems quite tilted.

Though the maneuvers this particular hawkite performed do appear abnormal for a low-grade creature.

"Your Highness, it's escaping! Take it down, please! I can't let this mockery go unpunished!"

I sighed.

If you say so, prince-san!

"In that case… watch and learn! [Exterion]-!"

With a flash of bright light, the hawkite…

...escaped.

* * *

 **Part 5**

* * *

"You were right, we should track it down. That has to be a demon general in disguise! It has to be!"

Moments later.

"But… wasn't the disguising demon general, Sylvia, defeated by a young crimson demon some time ago? Also, could you run slower!?"

We're chasing the mysterious, highly skilled hawkite after it humiliated both of us.

Well, my ego may have taken slightly more damage than his, but the point is...

"What if she… or rather, he… Whatever, _it_ had a sister!? Or brother! Ahh, sibling! By the way, Kazuma-san was the one who found out its weakness and Big-Megumin-san was the one who charged it!"

We must find out where it came from; or better, kill it.

"What'd be… the point… ? Even if it was… a demon or… something… why don't we… leave it… alone?"

Revi's stamina stat evidently needs buffing.

But I will not give up for any reason!

This smug bastard of a hawkite must die!

"[Exterion]! [Exterion]! [Exterion]!"

"Please calm down You Highness! What if you accidentally hit me!?"

I rapid-fired my skills as I chased the beast.

But alas, it kept dodging the attacks…!

"This is unforgivable AF! I didn't want to use this, bird! But if I must…!"

"Your Highness! Watch your feet! There's a-!"

"[Sacred•Explode]-!"

Bright beams shot out of my sword and converged upon the offending animal.

It burst into burnt feathers and disappeared!

Like fireworks in the sky!

Take that, you mocking-

"Ha! -Wha-? Ahh!"

All of the sudden, I found myself tumbling down a hill.

"Your Highness, are you alright!?"

Ow….

Now I am lying in a pile of leaves, upside down.

In a daze, I suddenly realized why Kazuma-san learned all those little skills.

With his skill set, that puny bird would have been easily taken care of with a Bind and Tinder.

Ahh, even I have areas to improve…!

As for the question… No, I'm not alright with what you're looking at!

"...!"

But then again, it's difficult to _not_ see _them_ in my current position. I'll let him off-for this time.

I quietly and swiftly righted myself and-

"Wahhhh…"

Eh?

Did I just hear crying?

"Your Highness! Are you hurt? You are all dirty and-"

I shushed Revi as he caught up to me.

Treading through the underbrush, I tried to locate the source of this sound.

Revi followed suit in being silent, then whispered,

"Princess, that might be the alluring sound of a tranquility girl. Or boy, if those still exist. Long story short, don't fall for them!"

Tranquility monsters, huh?

I know how they work and do admit that they are still highly effective against me.

In that case…

"Go ahead and scout it out then; hopefully, you are strong enough to kill a stationary plant."

Revi shot me a look of disapproval and ventured forth.

Meanwhile, I stayed put to inspect my surroundings.

I seem to have fallen into a sparse forest.

A rather peaceful one, too… at least at a glance.

Using this moment of calmness, I focused my mind on the clone that I recently gained telepathic control over.

Through its eyes, I could tell that the capital's express carriage has just arrived at Belzerg.

I commanded it to go nap while we finish up our first training session.

If everything goes smoothly, Thea-san would simply teleport us back when we're done.

After that, I could make the clone open the door to the back garden and swap myself back in.

That said, there shouldn't be any real danger exploring the wilderness.

"Your Highness, Your Highness!"

Revi whispered as he came running back panickedly.

"What is it? Did you get rejected by a plant?"

"Like I would! What I mean is; it's not a tranquility girl at all! You have to come see this!"

Oh Revi, weren't you the first to bring up tranquility girls!?

"Waaaaa-"

"Hey there, we have everything under control, so don't worry!"

"Yes yes, calm down! I guarantee you, there's nothing this scary princess can't kill!"

I shot him a look.

"Ahem, I mean, this _beautiful and well trained_ princess right from the most militarily powerful nation in the world!"

Look, if you have something against me, please keep it to yourself next time!

"Waah-hic… Kodi, noo-"

I ignored that "prince" and focused on the matter at hand.

The source of crying turned out to be a young boy.

...currently in the mouth of a lizard runner!

"Revi, use your sleeping dart, I'll get the boy!"

"Understood Your Highness! [Tranquilize]!"

Not bad; he was able to land the hit from no more than 20 meters away.

The lizard runner was startled by the shot and tried to run away…!

Luckily, it was slowed enough for me to cut in.

"Here I come! [Flash•Strike]-!"

"Waaah- Huh!?"

I charged right through the lizard runner.

It was instantly chopped in half and I landed with the boy in my arms.

"It's all fine now, you're safe!"

I reassured the child.

"Nooo… nooo! Ahhhh!"

But he continued to panic.

"Princess! There are more!"

I looked around at the alert and spotted dozens of monsters of all shapes and sizes charging straight at us…!

I take back what I said about this place being remotely peaceful!

"Ahhh… GG."

As a princess, protecting innocent civilians is my duty-even if they aren't from the same kingdom.

"As the prince of the neighbouring nation, Elroad, I have eliminated the offending monsters for your safety. Please return home and do not wander alone into this forest again."

…Sure, Mr. Prince, sure.

The monsters were all high-levelled and considerably more strategic than I anticipated.

However, I was able to insta-kill them before they could hurt the boy.

"Waaaah! Evil! Noooo...!"

...Yet, he never once stopped crying and complaining.

"Revi, you shouldn't talk to children like how you talk to officials. Here, let me handle it."

Not that I had any more experience at dealing with kids than him.

Rather, I had more experience at being dealt with as a kid.

 _Treat others how you want to be treated_ , right?

"Hey there; that might have been a little scary for you, but I assure you that you're safe now. If there's still anything wrong, go ahead and tell me! You can call me Iris, by the way."

I sat down near the child and tried to start a peaceful conversation.

"Waahh! Iris is what's wrong! Iris is barbarian!"

Wait, what?

My smile froze on my face.

"You killed my Kodi! He's the pet I trained for school! You're evil!"

Kodi!? Pet!? Don't tell me…

"A-and you also killed Bartleby! My friend let me ride him for a day… How am I supposed to explain this now!?"

In my defense, I haven't seen anyone ride a lizard runner in its mouth.

"You also killed everybody's pets! They were here to rest and play and you…! Waaahhhh! Iris is evil! I hate Iris!"

A sudden wave of dread descended upon me.

Crap, I really messed up this time didn't I?

Just as I sat there frozen, Revi started panicking again.

"D-dragons! There are people riding dragons coming for us!"

I looked up and saw a whole squadron of what seems to be adventurers riding on furred dragons…!

...wait, why do those "dragons" have fur anyway?

Why do they have large ears and no arms?

I think they are giant bats, Revi-san!

But there's no time to theorize right now,

"Do we run!? I feel like we're getting into a lot of trouble!"

Although running away after essentially committing a crime is an unthinkable act, sometimes…

"Yes we do! Run!"

… You just gotta ditch!

I commanded the clone to tell Thea to teleport us back immediately.

Unfortunately, it is taking its time waking up from the nap.

Our pursuers are closing in…!

"[Slow]!"

"[Bind]!"

Dammit, we were so close-!

* * *

 **Part 6**

* * *

And here we are.

I'll give you three guesses for where we ended up being taken to.

Hint: where do criminals go after being arrested?

Other than the police station, that is.

That's right, we're in court.

After being captured, we were flown to a rather small town.

One that definitely wasn't there when the maps were last updated two years ago.

Despite its modest size, it has a rather sophisticated interior and the seating resembled that of a proper court.

In fact, the whole town in general is laid out in an sophisticated fashion with heavily reinforced outer walls.

Monsters also roamed the streets along with civilians-all trained, I presume.

Judging by how court trials usually end back at home, I have an ominous feeling about our sentence.

Mainly because we're handcuffed with magic disrupting wristbands, so that I couldn't contact my clone.

"All rise!"

Too late, it has already begun.

The court is more full than I thought it would be; I guess what I did really upset them.

"The central court of the kingdom of Uroboros is now in session. Judge Allen is presiding. You may sit."

I sat down somewhat in phaze.

Kingdom? They call themselves a kingdom?

Either something fishy is going on or people here are more delusional than those crimson demons.

In fact, the name of their town sounds more ridiculous than any crimson demon's name.

"Good afternoon, faithful citizens of Uroboros. Today, we have summoned an urgent trial session due to unexpected circumstances involving foreigners, Belzerg Stylish Sword Iris and Elroad Ritch-Caché Revi, from the nation of Elroad's general direction. Due to time restrictions and their foreign nature, the accused will have to self-represent; they will be joined by attorney Hastings Sue Marithe, who will speak on behalf of 21 accusers. Defendants, are you ready?"

The judge, whom we now know as Allen, spoke in a grandiose manner.

"Ready to serve, Your Honor."

The attorney for the accuser replied confidently.

In response, I desperately looked over at Revi.

You're the prince of a casino nation so you should know a lot about law, right!? People there launder money all the time, don't they!?

Luckily, Revi returned a reassuring smile.

Though considering his performance so far, it's not saying much.

"I'm ready, Your Honor."

Thus the trial began. There is no saving us now.

"Your Honor, the defendant has broken multiple laws and has been charged with first and second degree slaughter of live private property, mental trauma causation, type 2 abduction, unauthorized border trespass, vandalism of public spaces, excessive usage of class D-7 and D-8 skills, general barbarism, resisting arrest… "

In contrast to the judge, the relatively petite attorney deeply inhaled mid-sentence.

Though something tells me she did it merely to exaggerate the amount of charges we have.

"...ownership of unregistered weapons and chapter 3 magic abuse. The defendants appeared in the vicinity of the southern border on OOOO/XX/OO afternoon with lethal weapons, seen aggressively attacking and harassing a legally registered and trained purebred hawkite. After brutalizing said pet, the defendants proceeded to cause psychological harm to the 7-year-old owner of said pet. Afterwards, the defendants also injured and killed… "

The attorney seemed to go on forever, spitting jargon that I could only hope to understand.

At some point-without realizing-she stopped.

"...Defendants, you may present your counter argument."

"Ah? Ah, yes… Y-Your Honor. We… "

Revi stuttered immediately.

Trusting this "prince" was my worst mistake…!

"Respectfully, Your Honor, we did not… we were… Wha-?"

Suddenly, Revi blinked a few times and his face totally straightened!

"We are foreigners, which meant that we are under protection from chapter 12 of the exemption laws, including various statements regarding ethical tolerance and culture difference. In addition, we're also under protection by the ethnic minority rights. The hawkite that we harmed earlier today had been outside the borders of Uroboros and therefore counted as a free-roaming monster. By the international territories law, said monster should be open for hunting by adventurers. Even after we supposedly trespassed the borders, the mass killing we performed had been for the well-being of the 7-year-old victim. Thus, we're also protected by the good samaritan law."

Revi sat back down.

I am in total phaze now.

How could he suddenly know all… _this_?

Even the opposing attorney looked utterly shocked!

I looked over to him in disbelief, only to find him staring ahead emotionlessly.

"Primary witness, you may speak. Please state your name."

Damn, I totally forgot about witnesses!

GG no re GG no re GG no re…

"Ugh… My… my name is… Tinker… Mel Tinker, Your Honor."

The boy that we were trying to save walked up to the podium and spoke.

Also, I'm starting to question if he really is a boy now.

What is up with this place?

"Thank you, Tinker Mel. May I first ask, what is your gender?"

Marithe asked.

It seems I wasn't the only one who had that question.

"I'm female, Your Honor…!"

He-or rather, she, said with a blush.

And it seems that we're about to have yet another charge placed against us.

Curses, all of this is too much embarrassment for me to handle!

"Thank you, Miss Mel. Now, were you hurt in any meaningful way that might require assistance from a third party before the incident? ...That is, did you feel like you needed any help before _they_ came?"

It was very nice of you to explain it in layman's terms, Marithe! If only you did that for, say, every sentence!

Tinker only shook her head.

"If not, did you feel threatened by them?"

Of course, she nodded. Why _wouldn't_ she?

"Finally, were you psychologically hurt, temporarily or permanently, as a result of this incident? …Basically, are you scared and sad?"

Hey.

As clueless as I am about law, I'm fairly certain that psychological damage goes further than just feeling sad.

Oh no, tears are welling up in her eyes… This is looking terrible for us!

"I have no further questions, Your Honor."

Marithe sat down with a slight grin.

 _As if that took any skill_.

"The accused, do you have any questions for the witness?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

Go on; show her, Revi!

"Miss Mel, you were crying the whole time, yes?"

Sniffling, Tinker reluctantly nodded.

"Because you were crying, did you have trouble telling us that the monsters were trained and not wild?"

That's the key, Revi!

"Y-yes. I was too shocked…"

I could see the smug smile disappearing from Marithe's face.

"I have no more questions, Your Honor. Also, I would like to request a recess."

Just now, Revi's tone of voice became much softer and… mature.

His emotionless face also gained a slight smile.

Even the judge seems to notice it as he remained silent.

Revi continued,

"Witness, you're excused. Bailiff, please open the door… Oof-!"

…with that, the rarely cool prince collapsed back into his seat.

He rubbed his eyes and mumbled,

"Miss Belzerg… what… I think I fell asleep."

But I had more important matters at hand than shaking him awake.

Because everyone in the room is looking at the door.

The person who walked in was a girl around my height.

She wore a deep magenta, evil-looking robe that's clearly too big for her.

What is she doing here anyway…? Is everyone in this town insane!?

She walked slowly with both arms behind her back… who does she think she is?

Then, she gave a tiny nod to the judge, who hurriedly walked to the side and sat down.

Ah, I get it! She must be the princess of this… er, kingdom, or something!

Still, a strange choice of clothing.

However, as she took the judge's spot at the center bench, everyone knelt down for some reason.

"Lady Regina!" *n

Lady… who now!?

I've heard of that name before! …Somewhere!

"Please rise. The court session is dismissed; the jury found the defendant not guilty with conditions."

Before I could come to my senses, the courtroom was empty.

"Your Highness… Who is this? What happened? Did we win?"

Revi seemed to have no memory of his cool moments at all… unless…!

"The princess of Belzerg and prince of Elroad. What an unusual duo to meet. Having another go at marriage?"

Ignoring the slightly outrageous assumption, I asked the more important question,

"Were you mind controlling Revi?"

The magenta girl only smiled,

"Yes, it was a fun challenge defending the obviously guilty."

But you just said…

Way to toy with my mood, Regina!

All aside, I don't recall mind control being a skill any regular class could learn.

"Though I don't know a whole lot about you two, I could tell that you both love sneaking out. However, I don't wish to keep you here for any longer than required."

She started walking around the bench towards us.

I could suddenly sense a weak divine aura.

Could she be a…

"Hmm, why are you so quiet? The court session is over, you may speak anytime."

"Psst, Your Highness, I think she might be a real goddess! Regina of… was it… foresight and sadism? No… sloth and envy? Wait, wrong one…water and insanity? Oh I remember, something something puppets! Our history book mentioned her briefly!"

Oh Revi-san, I think she can hear you!

Regina let out a giggle,

"Pff… look, who I am is not important. The only universal rule in Uroboros is justice; those trained monsters you saw were all once invaders. They're also a crucial part in our society as they do most of the physical work. You've committed a crime by killing them and must be punished, though I'm giving you a choice."

What does she mean "not important"? Whether someone is a goddess is important AF!

"You shall make a choice between playing outside and holding the power of royalty. Either exit the premises and never be able to leave your respective capitals without permission again or give up your royal identities and complete a quest for me-after which they'll be restored and we'll pretend nothing happened."

Did she just say "quest"?

"And before you bring it up; no, I will not-and cannot-strictly control what you do afterwards. However, do remember that whatever goes around comes back around."

As in, completing a quest like a real adventurer!?

"If you do choose to complete the quest, know that you will be stripped entirely of your royal identities and current powers for it must happen in secret."

As not a princess but as a real adventurer!?

Sure, the well-being of my people is important…

But it's not like I have much say in national matters at this age anyway.

"Regina-sama, it's a shame that I won't be able to train with the princess any-mmMMM!?"

This brat wants to back down!

I covered his mouth and spoke in his stead,

"Regina-sama! We will gladly take the second option! Let's go! How do we get rid of our statuses? What quest will it be!?"

This would be even better than the dumb Ragcraft-doll!

I could do _anything_ I want.

Out of excitement, I couldn't help but-

"Hey… Huh!? Eh? What for-"

-jump up from my seat and tightly embrace the short _goddess_.

She was even tinier than she looked. Guess that robe was incredibly oversized.

After I let go, she continued with a faint yet noticeable blush,

"Hmm… That was a surprisingly fast decision. I applaud you for that. The quest is simple, go to the ancient ruins of the country of Norse and retrieve the divine relic locked inside the laboratory at the very centre. It's dangerous and far away, so I suggest rebuilding some skills before going there. You will need the help of at least one crimson demon and a certain masked de- salesman In Axel. One last thing, don't worry about your identity, I'll take care of that _puppet_ for you."

A crimson demon… gee, what a brilliant idea it was to expel Megumin-san from the castle. Maybe she'll agree to help if I beg hard enough?

And a masked salesman…Fortunately, I just so happen to know of such a person.

Retrieval quests are generally the easiest kind, too.

I see no reason not to try out the lifestyle of Megumin-san!

I might even meet a competent male adventurer like… _him_.

All the while Revi stared at me with eyes that read "why would you do something like that?"

"Oh, look at you two staring intently at each other. You're looking like adventurers already! It'll be all done before you two realize it. Ready?"

I nodded, despite disagreeing with the first part.

And I forcibly shook Revi's head in sync, too.

"Well then… "

Saying that, Regina rolled an oversized sleeve back and hovered her hand over us… with difficulty.

"By the way, I was almost certain that Tinker child had been a boy all along…"

"Huh!?" *2

"[Encrypt]-"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - A Princess Charming for this Hero in Distress!**

* * *

 **Part 1**

* * *

Here we are, riding majestically through the skies.

On an exclusive beast of the north-the draculodon.

-Essentially a big bat, but I want to convince myself that it is in fact much cooler.

Despite the massive influx of wind whipping against my face, I still felt otherworldly due to the after effects of the curse.

I only woke up seconds ago-Revi, meanwhile, is still unconscious.

… Or is he?

As in, is the person beside me Revi at all? He has... olive hair! Did they send the wrong person!? Where are they sending us?

Just as I panicked over this new development, I recalled Regina-sama saying something about identity change… Perhaps the hair is a part of the deal?

If so, that'd be cool AF!

I leaned in for a closer look.

The hair looked completely natural and was colored to the root; that rules dye out of the question.

It… kinda smells nice too-

"...!?"

Oh just… why!?

"...!"

Of course he wakes up at the worst-

"... Eh…? A-Aqua!? Wha-? I thought you were with Kazuma… huh?"

Revi covered his throat after making an incredible claim.

"Hey now, who are you calling Aqua!? Did the curse reduce your intelligence!? ...huh?"

Then I also noticed it.

The voice that came out of my mouth sounded nothing like what I was used to.

"You're not Aqua? Well, you sure speak like her! And why were you so close to my face!?"

I think my speech pattern is the least of our worries here.

Now, there are two possibilities-one being that he's simply out of his mind, which would explain a lot.

But in the unlikely case that he isn't…

I combed over a lock of my own hair and took a look.

"It's blue!"

I yelled out of surprise.

"Thanks madam Obvious! My eyes were working the last time I checked, so… Oh, are you… princess Iris!?"

"Of course! Maybe you should have checked your short-term memory too!"

"Can't blame me! I don't remember Your Highness speaking so rudely before this!"

"Well get used to it! This is how my brain talks to me whenever I'm around you!"

Great, not even 30 minutes into our new adventure and we're already arguing…

That wasn't sarcasm, by the way. I rarely get to argue in the royal life.

"Apologies for my outburst, Your Highness… I suppose our training session will run far overtime, won't it?"

I shrugged.

Not because I didn't care, but because I couldn't really train him with all my stats reset.

And I know this because my adamantite armor itself feels too heavy for me to even stand up in.

"...So, where do you think we might be headed, Your Highness?"

Look at him trying to hit on me.

Though he did bring us back on topic. Where _are_ we going?

Far below, through holes in the cloud cover patches of green meadows and hills became visible.

Eh?

I started to notice a path of sharp, conic craters, arranged in clusters of four… Almost as if-

"Your Highness, could those be!?"

Seems like he has caught on, too.

Mobile Fortress Destroyer-

A bane on every country of this world for centuries.

...

Till relatively recently, that is.

The trail of holes went on straight ahead for quite a while before terminating in a gigantic crater filled with metal scrap.

Then, out from the cloud cover burst the view of a circular city with a river running through its middle.

This sight is all too familiar.

"A town, A town Your Highness!"

Yes.

I can see that.

Care to keep stating the obvious?

"Calm yourself, prince-wannabe-charming-but-not-actually; I think I have a clue for where we are headed. Also, please call me Alice."

"Ah, Ahhhh!" x2

...The large monster rather unceremoniously deposited us on the dirty ground of a dead forest, with an audible "plop".

How very rude.

"Gah, what was that customer service!? People were paying tax money for this!?"

Even the nerd thinks it was too much.

I'm going to complain to the management…

But first!

"Your H- Alice!?'

I drew my sword as the dirty flying fox started to make altitude.

I have a history with demonic abominations and would never tolerate riding on one, much less being humiliated by one!

We're also in the wilderness, so all bets are off this time.

"Exterion!"

I swung my sword like I had countless times before, that rat was too big miss after all-

'...' x2.

It got away as if nothing happened.

Because nothing _did_ happen. Guess all my previous skills are gone, too!

"Hmmph… Well, as cute as that was, how long are you going to lie there blushing like that?"

Humiliation x2 combo.

I would-if only I could.

Except my new strength stat is around that of a newborn kitten.

It feels like I'm entombed in solid rock. My armor might as well be forged from boat anchors.

"..."

"Please… help me remove my armor."

"You want me to… what? Excuse me, princess, but I only know of one person who would say anything like that… " he said in disbelief.

Or was that totally deliberate!?

"Look, you greenhouse plant, I don't have my skills anymore but I'm sure this sword will still work wonders If I thrust it through you."

"At once Your-Alice! S-should I close my eyes!?"

That will probably only lead to him touching _more_ than necessary.

After only a few… mishaps, we got my armor off… safely.

My undershirt is thankfully keeping me decent, but only barely.

"Oww… my back! "

"Dig faster! we have to stash this gear! It's an heirloom of my country after all and….and…."

We found something that stopped both of us dead in our tracks.

"...Hmm, judging by the texture, color and hardness, that is a real skull."

A human skull was smiling at us from the hole.

"Eh!? And it looks very… happy!?"

Quite literally, too; it looked surprisingly pleasant. Overjoyed, even. I didn't think a skull could express emotions, but I've been proven wrong today.

Looking around, it seems that this ground is littered with human remains just under the soil.

"Uh… Eeeeeeek!"

I think they heard us all the way from the capital as we screamed and ran.

Ragequit, nope!

"Alice, look what I found! There's an ancient-looking sign over here!"

"Well, what does it say?"

"Ahem….Due to the presence of a Tranquility Princess, no further access is allowed beyond this point. By order of the Axel Town Adventurers Guild."

Well, at least our predictions were confirmed.

* * *

 **Part 2**

* * *

The streets of Axel were bustling with activity. My supposedly revealing undershirt is also like a winter coat compared to the attire of other female adventurers here.

"Your Hi- I mean 'Alice'?...I am rather hungry and I imagine you are as well. Should we not inquire as to the offerings? I can't place it but something smells… Well, wonderful!"

Not waiting for my reply, Revi all but ran towards the source of the mouth watering scent.

Is that how I acted like the first time I came around here?

I suddenly felt like I had brought a little brother to tag along instead of a-

"Can I get three of whatever those are!?"

Oh, the kabob stand! This bring back memories.

"That will be three hundred thousand Eris."

Wait, this store… this price...This feels very familiar! Too familiar!

"...Three for three hundred thousand huh… You know, that sounds a little expensive."

At least he wasn't as naive as me. Thank Eris.

"How about four for three hundred and fifty thousand?"

…Except, unfortunately, he's an idiot. Thank Aqua… no offence to Aqua-sama, of course.

"Really? Well then, how about five for two hundred thousand? …Six for one hundred thousand!? Possibly even down to… "

At that point, I knew I had to intervene.

"Ow ow ow ow! Iri- Alice! That hurts, please let go of my ear! I was doing so well bargaining the price for these… things on skewers!"

I thought he was supposed to be a financial whiz.

"Sorry to interrupt, mister! We would like three of these. Here's three hundred and twenty Eris plus tax. Sorry for taking so long! Have a nice day and may your business prosper!"

The kabobs are delicious, but as I painstakingly learned from my last visit, these were only 100 Eris each. The shopkeep frequently jokes with children-or young people in general-to watch their reactions.

"Alright, what's the deal Revi? I thought you were supposed to be good with money!"

He's looking pretty ashamed now, not that it's stopping him from trying to eat more than his share of the third skewer.

Last time there were three of us; now there's only two. So I guess he was on the right track for ordering six.

And hey!

That's my meat you're eating!

"So what if I've never eaten at a street vendor? Or purchased a lunch… Or handled cash...? I'll have you know the figures for the revenue and expenditure I normally concern myself with have many more zeros than just five. I deal in wholesale, not retail!"

His voice shrunk then grew like in a symphony piece.

Come back to me when you know the price of a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread you stuck up royal brat.

I blushed slightly at my own thought, but anyhow…

Now with the basic survival needs taken care of for the moment, what now?

Regina-sama said we'd want to rebuild skills.

Getting skills outside our bloodline bestows requires… an adventurer's card!

Normally royalty would never be allowed such a thing.

Adventuring was the work of the masses after all, and we were "better than that".

"Pfft…"

"Mmmph, Did you say something, Alice?"

"Yes, stop eating like a dainty prince. We got work to do!"

I forcefully pulled him to his feet from the bench he was sitting on and struck out for the Adventurers guild.

Yet, we didn't get more than a few paces before I noticed an alarming trend.

One-we were getting an inordinate number of onlookers.

Two-Revi was choking on the last of that kabob I force fed him.

Secret art! Heimlich*Maneuver-!

"Ok, new plan! We need to change up our gear. We don't look like adventurers...In fact right now we don't even pass for nobles. We pass for newbies wearing clothes far above our pay grade!"

Revi eyed me up and down in careful consideration.

S-Stop that.

"Indeed. While the clothes themselves are common for adventurers, their materials and craftsmanship are far beyond what's available in a small city like this."

"Nice work, young lady! Your costume looks nearly exactly like princess Iris'. You should be more proud of your work!"

"Though I'm not quite sure who that guy is trying to dress up as, his clothes are extremely well-made! Only a bit dirty."

"Hey there, you two! As a fellow cosplayer, I'm very interested in which tailor shop made these costumes. Did you order them from one of those expensive magic tailors at the capital? Or, Eris forbid, did you make them yourselves!?"

"Princess Iris, I love you! Wooo!"

… The onlookers are getting out of control.

But they did bring up a good question;

How would they know what my undershirt looked like?

On a second thought, I probably don't want to know.

"Well, let's go and find an armor or clothes shop and gear up for our quest!"

I felt so excited saying that, my eyes might have actually glowed.

Big boss would be proud!

Revi just deadpanned me and sighed.

"And what gear would you get? We have no idea what we can even equip yet. Before we purchase a pile of useless gear like that armor you brought along, let's see about getting our cards and jobs sorted out, alright? That sounds more rational doesn't it?'

"Did you just mock the heirlooms of my kingdom? But sure, let's head to the guild first.."

It didn't take much searching around to locate it, being the most crowded place in the whole city.

It's strange, I'd been here before, yet it somehow felt like a lifetime ago.

Still, it feels so...nostalgic!

For me, at least.

Though we haven't even gone through the front doors yet-

"Are you… actually trembling?"

Apparently Revi found the average low level adventurer too rough and intimidating.

"B-but but...These people are literal _barbarians_ you know?"

"So am I… Your point being?"

Well well well. They say when the time comes, the mother lion throws her cubs into the ravine.

I'm merely promoting natural selection-!

It's called tough… L-love?

"Ready or not, to hell you go!"

"Ah? W-woah, ahhh!"

I shouted as I shoved him through the open doors.

What a relief.

He slid to a stop at the foot of a waitress.

Said waitress didn't miss a beat. She looked down at his embarrassing form and began,

"Welcome! If you're here to eat, please take any open seat. If you need job guidance, head to the counter inside."

She managed to squeeze the standard greeting for fresh faces out before turning away to laugh into her sleeve.

I gave her a knowing smile, to which she nodded then walked off.

"It feels good not to be a scrub."

"Dunning-Kruger syndrome much..."

Revi whispered something insulting AF, but I let it slip.

Across the guild hall, I could make out Luna-san doing what she's best at.

This place was hopping with happy adventurers in various states of eating, drinking, laughing or any combinations of all three.

"..." x2

In fact, being drunk seems to be the default around here.

It seemed none too many where all that eager to do any actual work.

...And that's when I heard it.

"Muahaha! Thou foolish drunkard, thou hast spilt thy drink on moi. If thee doth not wish a divination, at least pay for the cleaning! Thou refuse? Thou coveteth mushrooms growing out of thy derriere then?!"

Ahh...My strong hachibei.

As I watched him extract more than a token fee from the drunkard, I think back to that exciting day!

"Alice… Let's go back...t-this will never work!"

Here I was hoping that the throw would have helped him grow a pear.

Not that I understand why pears have anything to do with bravery.

"What are you so scared of _now_?"

But Revi was in a cold sweat now.

"Alice...that man, my instincts are telling me that man is terrifying."

Well, he's not entirely incorrect.

When a person is as weak as Revi, _every_ man must seem terrifying to some degree.

Unfortunately, Regina-sama all but mentioned how important it is that we consult this salesman… and fortune teller.

"Ow-ow ow WHY?!"

"Aren't you thrilled to be able to witness such a handsome existence?"

I once again dragged him by the ear as I moved to take a seat in front of that very masked man.

The adventurer's card is the most personal item one can possibly have.

It directly binds with the owner's soul and interacts with it.

That way, these cards cannot be reused or exchanged.

But most importantly, they always show the true identity of the owner, which is the reason I never got one last time.

So, in order to obtain adventurer's cards and still remain undercover, we must find some way of forging them.

"Good day, Vanir-san. We are new adventurers that wish to ask some quest-"

"Ohoho! Why, isn't it the mighty princess of Belzerg, Iris, and the thirsty prince of Elroad, Revi? Or shall moi rather say, Alice and Ravi? Moi see that thou are troubled after being sent here in this inconvenient state by that cute goddess… Hmm, adventurer's cards, is it? Oh fear not, moi can handle that. For a price, of course."

"...!?" x2

Suddenly, his scary appearance became the least of our worries.

"Oho? Now moi must warn thee not to ask questions thoust wouldn't want the answers to! Leave it be that moi can indeed help thou, and that thou willst agree to moi terms..."

"Uh, p-pardon?"

He lost me after "thirsty".

"The way you know so much is… very disturbing…! How did you find out half of this?"

Meanwhile, the one who's probably used to negotiating at least ten times a day fared much better.

It's true, the way he blurts out all the important information really reminds me of those "NPC"s onii-sama used to speak of.

They're essentially flat characters that act very predictably.

Could hachibei be an… NPC?

"Moi wilt give ye some time to digest. Hmm, moi haven't encountered encrypted humans for a rather long time and that's coming from someone… who has far more experience than a century can quantify."

No way, just from his voice I could tell that he's no mere side character.

"You really expect me to accept a blind contract?!"

Contract? How did we escalate from asking for some help to contracts in four sentences?

"Don't be ridiculous...For there to be a counter offer, there must first be an offer! Some proposal!"

Revi said while comically moving his hands about. It seems my Hachibei has enticed his inner market manager hard enough to forget his fear.

"Thou, what is the first tenet of negotiation? Is it not to apply leverage? What is the first tenet of market value? Scarcity it is! On moi name, moi tell thee that moi am thy sole source in this issue. By the basic rules of economics, moi may name moi price in this."

Ugh-

Any other person saying this and would I laugh in their face.

However, I can feel somewhere deep down that he was not joking.

What a troublesome situation…!

"How can you claim this? What assurances do you give? You really expect us to take your word on this? Just how gullible do you think we are?!"

Hey prince, You're overdoing it!

"It is a simple matter, thou heartstruck prince, moi am the one person in this world that may convince Luna-san to do as thee wish."

And with that he waved and smiled at said Luna-san across the hall, who waved back with great enthusiasm.

Oh…

That's how!

Game, set, match.

"My demands are simple. For funds of no less than ten thousand Eris to be delivered per week to the store run by that certain purple-robed disaster of a woman and to purchase back any unsold commodities."

Though, before we leave…

"One last thing… you mentioned a 'cute goddess'... does that mean you know her? Who are you, really?"

"Excellent question! But moi hope thou canst find an excellent answer elsewhere as moi current location doesn't suit such a grand reveal of moi identity. What a pity. However, the other half of thy curiosity will be fulfilled in due time, look forward to it! Muahaha!"

* * *

 **Part 3**

* * *

We went back to the registration window where we saw him.

"Good day, new ad- ah?"

Vanir-san came up from behind and tapped the receptionist's shoulder as she was about to give her standard greeting.

"Muahaha! And good day to thee Luna-dono! Thou looks especially sunshiny today...Might moi take thee aside for a moment to discuss something... _Deeply personal_?"

His choice of words disturbs me on a spiritual level.

And is it bad that Luna-san doesn't look bothered at all?

Seeing the two retreat behind the guild counter, I couldn't stop myself from eavesdropping on the important details.

"Uwaa, Vanir...I can't break the rules like that!"

"It is a well guarded secret that this is possible is it not? It is not lying when it is never asked is it?"

"This..is true...but if it ever got out…"

"Of course, moi will offer recompense-"

"Haha, 'doth thou covetouth mine firing?!'"

"Moi would not put thee in such a position...Muahaha- rather Moi would…"

Oh dear, Luna-san just gulped!

"Moi would, offer a very special evening in moi own bedchamber."

I suddenly regret listening in on this conversation.

How could I have left Revi behind and enjoyed this all by myself?

"Psst, nerd prince, over here!"

I waved at the boy sitting alone at a table with his face buried inside his arms, motioning for him to come over.

Something tells me that his enthusiasm is already declining.

"Eh? Why are you in such an... interesting position?"

"Shh! Couldn't you tell I'm spying!? This is a basic combat technique; unlike what you're used to, we have to lower our stature whenever possible and not make ourselves any more noticeable than we have to be!"

"I get it! But… who are you spying on in the guild hall? The wall? Hey, calm- Ahhh!"

I dragged the brat over by his ear.

Now, let's get back to the show-

"V-Vanir-san! Couldn't you word that a little more subtly?!..And..and even then, I couldn't possibly- "

I can sense his smug smile all the way from here.

"Moi will not let thee sleep tonight…"

Ahh, I think Luna dropped the tray she was carrying.

"Wha..What could you possibly-"

"Moi will play with thee until thee submit."

It's great to see we haven't missed the climax!

"We'll be playing on thy bed all night."

"Uwaaa...Vaaaanir…"

"Moi moves will make thee screech-"

"..."

"This better not be one of your crude jokes…"

"Moi art a devil, we always keep to our offers."

"T-then..tonight after dinner?"

"Sharply!"

"It seems the negotiation is successful. Good to know."

The nosey prince beside me stated plainly.

"Why? Aren't you excited? Imagine what is about to… ohh-!"

"Excited? For what? Their evening card game or chess session?"

"Card game? You wish! Just wait till tomorrow and see if Luna-san comes late!"

Revi showed a somewhat confused expression and rolled his eyes.

"Well… wanna bet then?"

How foolish and naive this boy is.

As the masked man and receptionist reemerge, she ecstatically beckoned us over to the magical card making device!

Oh!

Is this really going to happen?!

My heart isn't prepared for this!

"You look like a girl about to lose her 'precious thing'."

Okay, he's not naive. He's sexually frustrated.

"...And just how would you know what that looks like anyway?"

"Ahem."

Luna-san seems to want our attention back.

"A-alright you two...Now then, do either of you need the basic explanation as to how this works?"

Hmm… The simple instructions have already been written clearly at the base of the crystal ball, but…

She's looking at us suspiciously, as if she genuinely believes that we are demonkin or something nefarious.

Can't you feel the righteous, regal, royal princess-y aura seeping out from this alter ego, Luna-san?

Or did the corrupt and greedy aura emitted by that other person cancel mine out?

Really Luna-san, It's nothing like that! Don't you have any faith in those earnest adventure-seekers working to make the world a better place?

As the word "adventurer" passed through my mind, onii-sama's face flashed before me.

Ah, right-

-Of course she doesn't.

Shrugging, I placed my hand over the magical device-

Almost instantly, we could all tell that something was wrong.

Amongst the normally cerulean particles, deeply purple and crimsons also burst forth.

Then, the crystal ball suddenly blinked bright magenta as its needle engraved the blank card underneath.

However, after the minor anomaly, the card was generated rather ordinarily.

Luna picked up the card and started reading it as usual, only to squint her eyes in a confused manner.

"Umm… Your stats are generally pretty good for a beginner. Slightly above average, I'd say. Rather well-rounded, a bit of everything."

That should be good news; why the look?

"Very well-rounded. In fact-"

Luna-san turned the card over for me to see.

"-All the stats are exactly the same."

"But the most concerning part of all is…"

Turning the card back, Luna-san began to read.

"0-6-S-I-1-2-L-1-3-R-C-R-Y… Is this the name you go by? Was this the name your parents gave you?"

Eh!?

That's my… name!?

"Look… we understand if you had… abusive parents that were obviously being irresponsible with their child. You can talk to nee-san if you have anything on your mind."

What a conclusion to come to. Amazing work, Luna-nee!

Still, I never expected my name to change into something so cryptic.

Suddenly, the prince broke the ice-

"Oh you have no idea, Luna-san! Our parents were in a tough financial situation when we were just conceived and had to get enough money to raise us somehow. Incredibly, their rich noble friends jokingly promised to take care of us if they gave ridiculous names to us. So, here we are-bullied so severely due to our unpronounceable names that we had to leave home and go adventuring at such young ages-"

-and made a brilliant fake lore for our origins.

He can be cool sometimes.

Wait, could it be _her_ again? We've flown quite a long way. Perhaps distance has no effect?

Anyhow, I must elaborate to make it more convincing.

"A-and, we had to sneak out, too! The noble was predictably unwilling to pay for our upbringing, so they mistreated us and only gave us the hand-me-down clothes that weren't entirely broken, so please excuse our strange attire…!"

My voice trailed off as I realized that I've probably made the story much more dramatic than I should've.

Luna-san now looked at us with deeply sympathetic eyes.

"H-how preposterous! Tell me their household name! Tell me and I'll forward it to the capital! Perhaps the team of chivalrous thieves would take them on."

Unbeknownst to her, the said group hasn't been active for ages.

"Ah thank you! Their names are Sat-mmmph!"

Now what is this kid trying to accomplish!?

"Shhh! They are a part of a large underground society and have lots of connections and they are very dangerous and… Point being, we shouldn't open this can of worms today!"

"Thanks for your registration, uhh... Mr. 12RR11B14RCRY and Ms. 06SI12L31RCRY! Wish you luck out there! Come to this guild daily for quests! Be sure to look for hard-working and not useless teammates!"

We eventually got out without raising too much suspicion.

The spoiled prince chose the archer class so that he could use his fancy crossbow.

Archers typically rely upon a variety of stats including luck, agility, strength, intelligence and other minor stats.

Since our stats are exactly equal, it worked perfectly in his favour.

I myself ended up choosing the priest class for a few reasons.

First of all, our party must be well-rounded like Kazuma-san's in order to do well.

Healers themselves have a high demand most of the time, so finding one will be hard.

Lastly, to my dismay, the crusader, knight, thief… all the jobs that remotely have to do with swordplay require one stat or another to be unusually high; be it endurance, strength, stamina or luck.

So, embarrassingly, the saying "healer takes no skill" is an apt description of my situation.

"No way, you can't simply ask people nicely to join our party. Do you understand advertising at all? We have to make ourselves look like the best option on the entire bulletin board!"

Said Revi as we designed our party recruitment poster.

"But… there really is nothing to advertise! We're beginners with barely any useful skills and background. I guess since we brought a lot of change and food, that can be our one selling point."

I sarcastically fought back.

"Exactly! Adventurers are constantly in need of money and food! Trust me on this, we'll do fine!"

Revi took the brush and started writing big letters in comically bold fonts.

"Hey! Give the brush back! And isn't that bribery!? Plus, the money is supposed to keep us from having to work full-time; we're on a mission, not trying to start a new life here! If we gave everything away, we'd really have to start from zero!"

Our originally modest poster is starting to look like one of those "WANTED" flyers we used to send out.

Not that we desperately need teammates anyway; I'm sure we can finish the mission alone if we levelled quickly enough.

As a royal, I was taught shortcuts and powerful techniques on learning new skills rapidly.

The only real goal for this is to secure ourselves a crimson demon, as instructed by Regina-sama.

* * *

 **Part 4**

* * *

With the recruitment poster up, we went to do the next logical thing-buying actually appropriate clothes.

The local gear shops were close by, being focused on adventurers and all. It was both convenient for us and a good business opportunity for them.

Hmmm…

Now to figure out what clothes we should actually buy.

Or, before that, which shop we should visit.

There were roughly a dozen equipment shops and stalls arranged in a semicircle around the guild along with the usual food stalls.

As I pondered this-

"Why have you stopped, Alice? We're not being grand fashionistas here, just get what seems practical!"

The prince was rapidly running out of patience.

"Think opposite, Ravi. Look, I've always been wearing whatever my parents gave me; I have to make my first choice count… "

"..."

Revi stared at me with disappointment like my father used to. Too bad he's shorter than I am and doing so only made him look even less serious.

"What? Welcome to shopping with a girl. You will be doing it a lot more so get used to it…noob!"

"...Why are you so excitable in this?"

What's wrong with being excited about shopping? I'm only… !

…Four...teen…?

D-don't look at me like that!

Gee, I bet Megumin-san was already very mature about equipment shopping at this age.

I definitely would have played with my wand in public while drooling if I were to get one.

"Your high, I mean 'Alice' ...Let's observe for a moment carefully."

Hmm?

"Those shops over there get very little traffic, and their wares on display look poor.."

Yes and?

"The largest and most gaudy storefront has a great number of people going in and out...and the shopkeeper is amazingly pleased with himself."

"Is there any meaning behind this?"

"Just let me finish! Now, the shop across from that one...has much lower foot traffic, their display looks to have high quality merchandise, yet by virtue of their location they get far less attention. I posit that the shopkeep in the most popular shop is so pleased because he's able to stay competitive by geography without offering superior pricing or service."

So, you can do basic psychology. Good for you.

"...Your point is?"

Why does he look so smug?

"I suggest we go to the further shop, the keeper looks displeased...She may well be open to more negotiation in pricing in order to simply get our business. "

As if pricing is of any significant concern to us.

"... If saving a few Eris makes you happy, then fine… let's go."

Ahhh… he really does look happy.

So easy…

A set of bells chimed as we opened the door, and the female shopkeep seemed to wake from a stupor.

"AHH? Ahem...Welcome, welcome! What can I get for this lovely young couple?" she said, eyes shining.

Ehh?! Couple?

Do we really look like that?

Ahh… the prince...

His smug factor just went up by ten!

She's just trying to upsell us Mr. Salesman!

"Pardon us, hehe, but we aren't really…"

And then the impudent prince elbowed me on the side.

"Listen, if she thinks we're a couple she might get emotional in a way that gives us an even bigger advantage in negotiations. This is a great opportunity."

He whispered to me.

How far is this prince taking this?! He can't possibly believe that she won't charge him extra then play it off as a "test of faith and wealth" for me, right?

"Right. We would like full priest and archer gear sets miss, we are newly minted adventurers, you see!"

I proudly displayed my new coveted adventurers card.

"Um...Alice-chan is it? Aren't you two kind of young and fragile looking for this?...And is that tape on your card over that name?"

Yes indeed, behold the clever me!

But Revi-

"Never mind us, we will surely search for some front line persons before we go in harm's way. Still, we really do need appropriate gear."

"Ahaha… well… allow me to show you our starter sets!"

She led us to racks of...

Oi! What is this pile of loosely bound, poorly tanned leather!?

"This is our area for starters! Most fresh mea- (cough), I mean new adventurers are unable to afford better than this, so… "

Do we look that poor?

Or is she mentally… challenged?

Either way, the the enthusiasm quickly faded from her face and she walked away looking somewhat dejected.

Rather, she was holding back tears.

Just how badly was this shop performing?

A-As an Adventurer (fake), I have to do something about this!

"Ma'am, would you be so kind as to show us your higher end wares?" I asked as sweetly as possible.

She turned to us with a look of despair, but with a sigh-

"Sure...better window shoppers then no shoppers I guess… This way…"

She waved us over into a seperate partition, seemingly protected by magic wards for security sake.

Needless to say, I was much more impressed by this new sight.

"...Now this is more like it!"

The shopkeeper's face transformed to one of pride, with good reason!

This area was littered with gear that would not have been out of place in the royal armory.

It was also…

Ahh-

Shopkeepers face transformed with running tears…

"Yes... the finest gear in town, you could ask for no better! Better in fact than… anyone… in this town of newbies could afford. I took out huge business loans to bring in this inventory but… . "

"..." x2

And this happened.

"Oi..Alice...over here…"

The prince annoyingly pulled me aside once again…

"We can clearly use this woman's disadvantaged state to negotiate some major discounts, we need o… w-wait!"

Prince...you….I was wrong about you!

The shopkeeper barely paid attention to the lump I just created on his head.

I then smiled generously at the shopkeep and said,

"Please, present us the most… "

Before I could finish, I painfully remembered the reason I had to ditch my precious armor in the first place.

"Yes young lady? I'll give you a couple discount if you both purchase from this selection!"

"... lightest armor, if you would?"

Fortunately, I found a suitable armor set for my job and status.

Unfortunately, we did not get the discount.

"Um, Alice? You done yet?"

Also fortunately, it looks quite magical and pretty.

Also unfortunately, it is quite lewd.

"Almost! Be patient, you… um, pay-2-win… whale!"

"Whale!? Your insults are getting weirder and weirder, I have to say. Where did that even come from!? Isn't that used to describe old women? Why, of course not you, Ms. Shopkeep...!~"

I changed leisurely behind the curtain of the change room.

Most armor sets were simple throw-on-tops, so they only made one change room.

My particular set, however, had a few cutouts that really clashed with my undershirt. Not that I'm against lewd armor; if anything, it would only help me blend in more with the local fashion trend. The most important point is that the armor was very light yet still offers enough protection to the vital areas.

The change room itself looks quite deserted, as if nobody had used it in centuries.

The walls were dusty, floor creaky, and the curtain frayed at most of the hanger rings.

In fact, only two rings still helped to hold the fabric up.

It'd be terrible if one of them failed while someone was-

-Woosh-

"Why does this have to happen to me, I swear I didn't pull on the curtain! Also, my eyes are closed, I saw nothing! Please don't hit me, I…"

The prince immediately started sputtering these things.

He must think I'm standing before him nude or something. How pathetic.

"Kyaa~! You pervert! I'm so going to slap you after this!"

But I played along just for fun.

"Don't slap me! I'm innocent!"

Your blush says otherwise, gentle prince.

I sighed and broke it to him,

"I pulled it. It was a privacy hazard to let it remain. Also, I told you I was almost done; I only have a few buttons left. Open your eyes!"

Revi then opened his eyes in a somewhat disappointed manner.

As if it wasn't clear enough what he was thinking.

"Oh… I was… worried but now I'm even more so because someone has to pay for the curtain repairs!"

"I just finished changing into my new outfit and you're worried about the curtain!? If you're gonna pretend to be a couple, at least act like you're remotely interested! How much can a curtain cost anyway!?"

"Honestly, it's not even lewd. Sure it has some pretty deliberately placed cutouts, but it's not like you have the assets to make use of them to begin with. No offense."

"That's great. I'm not a superficial brat who lives off of his image, so it's pretty much perfect. What about yours?"

We had a friendly chat as we headed back for the guild.

"Archers don't tend to need much armor, so I chose this nicely designed green and yellow cloak and a helmet for head protection. That's about it."

Green and yellow cloak, huh.

Totally not trying to look like someone else, are you, prince?

To be fair though, much like me, he couldn't exactly move with more than two metal pieces.

We passed through the guild doors with only slight hesitation on the prince's part this time.

Inside, I could see several adventurers over at the board, some clearly checking out our poster and… shaking their heads.

Did we mess up somewhere?

Oh… now they seem to have noticed us.

And now they are pointing and chuckling,

I see.

Our offer must have seemed outlandishly good to come from a couple of low level newbies, and thus they treating us like kids at play.

Big Boss had a similar issue as I recall when she initially started recruiting for her chuuni club-er, thieving group.

As I was nodding silently with my arms crossed, Revi interjected,

"...I see, our initial offer was no good. Like I originally proposed, we should offer full benefits and compensation if we want to be taken seriously as adventurers. Let me make a quick withdrawal from some hidden royal slush accounts…"

I quickly grabbed his collar.

Wait.

"Hidden accounts? Oi, I always knew a nation based entirely on gambling would be corrupt to the core but…!"

"Watch your language! And no, we merely… well. Unlike the Belzerg royal family, my family's sovereignty is not backed by superior physical power. In case of emergencies… like a successful coup or other reasons for one of us being run out of the country, these accounts exist as backup."

I see, while it's nice we have another layer of funds to fall back on, I really don't want to rely on the power of money here. We must attempt to be proper adventurers! U...uh...Regina-sama wouldn't want it any other way!

Definitely!

...No other reason.

"...I think our poster is alright; it hasn't even been two hours. Let's give it some time, shall we? Besides, the smell of this place is making me hungry again. The skewers were a nice snack, we should have a proper meal…"

I said while heading to the tables.

"I'm starting to wonder how you keep that... princess-ish... figure, anyway? Is it from yet another hero's item, or pure genetics? Either way, apologise to all those who surely had to suffer everyday!"

I can't help it.

Royalty has the highest potential after all, we naturally require massive energy intake to maintain our optimal states.

As a matter of fact, the first thing we learn in terms of etiquette is to hide our ravenous hunger and appetite; but as of now, that is the last thing I'd worry about.

On another note, doesn't this prove that our real abilities are still there, hidden beneath Regina's curse? Hmm...

Eagerly waving a waitress over and ordering a set of grilled lizard char burger combos, we began our recruitment strategy meeting.

"Alice, we must be doing something grievously wrong. Perhaps we have grossly misjudged this market, Axel after all is renowned as 'The City of Beginners', and maybe there is no one confident of applying to such an obviously auspicious party as ours? Or, even… No, they can't possibly be looking down on us, could they? We must still have some remnants of an aura around us...That must be it! H-hey, can you stop eating for a moment?!"

Ah, it only took two whole minutes for him to realize.

He's improving, albeit slowly.

I choked down the last of my triple-layer smoked pork sandwich and flushed it down with cold neroid.

"Ggg-ck! Grr-ghh!"

"Hey, are you alright? Did you choke on your drink? Need a hand?"

"-Burp. No, I just wanted to do one of those loud burps after downing a sizeable drink. Still gotta work on it-oh look!"

I noticed movement out the corner of my eye.

...Oho?

C-could this be?

A potential new member?

….

And a Crimson Demon at that!

Wait.

Something seems awfully familiar about her.

I felt chilly tingles flow down my body. The figure radiated a demonic presence akin to that of a devourer of souls.

I shuddered.

No, hold that.

"Um… Alice, your drink is dripping onto your new clothes-"

"Shh! Don't you see that crimson kid over there? I think there's something special about her…"

Nonetheless, Revi visibly shivered in agreement.

This... feeling of latent greatness.

I, a royal.. A princess of a nation, somehow feel the need to prostrate before this young, red eyed girl here and now…!

This pressure...!

Wearing some kind of patchwork uniform, clearly given a terrible amount of love and customization, the rather pretty girl stepped up to our table with a mostly neutral expression. Short pigtails, from her size and figure I'd guess she was thirteen, maybe even fourteen years old… yet her face still had a certain adolescence to it.

"C-can I help you miss?" Revi stammered out...with difficulty.

Flaring out her cape and taking an aggressive stance, she-

"Be intimidated! Be awestruck! I am Komekko! The Crimson Demon Clan's greatest little devil and femme fatale! Expert of Intermediate magic! Thou whom seekest powerful allies, Komekko has come to answer thy summoning!"

Right, aren't they all the same. The girl rolled her head back and cackled like a villain.

"Muahahahahaahaha!"

Revi coughed. He seems to remember dealing with Big Boss that time...

"..." x2

Now that I think about it, shouldn't we have some sort of a standard procedure for filtering recruits?

Since I still have a bad taste in my mouth from my last major talk… Prince, you're up!

I shot him a glance. Revi sighed then went on,

"Greetings; yes, we are the owners of the poster. Please tell us about yourself-like your experiences, combat skills, interpersonal skills, background, origins, lore, myths, legends and whatnot… so on and so forth."

In response, she gave us the same cutesy head tilt I had mastered during my earlier years.

It worked wonders for getting me what I wanted.

Though even I was slightly taken aback by Revi's business-law-firm-big-organization-style opening line.

"...Like I said, I am Komekko. Currently living with nee-chan's family in Axel. As you can see, I am a Crimson Demon! I'm pretty famous around here, you know? Just look around us right now!" she said with a smug look while spreading her arms wide.

I did as she said and found out the reason behind my cold sweat.

We were being stared at from each and every corner of the guild.

Everyone, including Luna-san.

They looked at us as if looking at criminals.

Revi looks visibly disturbed as he makes the same discovery.

Yet-

"Um, Komekko… san? Why is everyone here giving us the stink eye?"

"Ah well, that's because, like I said, I'm mighty famous around here. I would like to say I've brainwashed them all into being my servants, but rather it's because they've made me an unofficial guild mascot over the last couple of years… somewhat annoyingly, I suppose. People here seem to have become strangely possessive and protective of me, and openly distrust any foreigner who dares to approach me…"

Don't look at us with that sad and dejected face!

 _Right back at you, Iris_ _ **.**_ Not even lolis can withstand the gaze of a loli.

As someone who had just escaped such an environment yesterday, I can sympathise.

As I nodded my head knowingly, Revi continued,

"...I see, that's interesting, I don't see how that benefits us though. How does your being the guild mascot help _us_ in any way?"

"I was merely acknowledging my widely recognized august greatness. See, I want to go adventuring, but since the folks here will witchhunt anyone that tries to recruit me, I needed a party whose apparent strength couldn't possibly cause any harm to me. Luckily, my search seems to have ended today."

She smiled at us brilliantly as she said so.

It made me feel irate. Then defeated.

And yet, there's a mysterious force compelling me to accept her regardless.

"...Anyhow, your poster mentioned food expenses being guaranteed…so, so… " She said while suddenly looking at her feet.

As if at her will, her stomach emitted a tremendous growl.

"..." x2

"...I haven't eaten in three days, if you would be so kind…"

Poor girl! She must be starving! As royalty-No! As a human being I must-

"I'm pretty sure I saw you devouring several plates of food a few hours ago…" interjected the prince.

He then pulled me over to whisper into my ear.

"Alice, lying during an interview is a sure sign of trouble. Coupled with all this negative attention she seems to have attracted….I'd hate to say it, but I think we should turn her down. I mean..this offensive aura?! A Con! This must be some kind of a con!"

What a faithful and totally unbiased person you are, huh prince-sama?

Regina said we need a crimson demon! But…

Looking around the guild hall again, I finally noticed.

There were nearly a dozen sets of red eyes wandering about!

What happened to crimson demons being rare outside their village?

….

And it doesn't help that they are all female.

Noticing my unspoken question and glances, Komekko spoke up-

"...Ah, as you see after a certain...fellow clanswomen found fortune fame and...a husband, it became known that Axel was a hot spot for future prospects. The current gender distribution of the village means we must venture out if we have any hopes to find a spouse near our own age. The nee-chans in heat around me are all husband hunting under the guise of party seeking...well most of them anyway…"

With that, I followed her glance to a table at the corner of the guild, where a particularly shapely girl wearing an eye patch was furiously scribbling notes while listening to accounts from the old semi-retired adventurers.

Marriage, problem young women can't ever escape from.

Even this child is… -hold up.

"Does that mean… Oh poor you; desperate enough to come to this clown for company. I have to warn you, this guy is hopeless on the inside, you should think higher of yourself and… "

I was interrupted by the sensation of the prince's sharp stare.

...And I love it!

The girl's eyes went wide at first, but then she giggled.

"Ah… Of course not! It's too soon for me to worry about such things, I'm only ten and a half after all."

…!

* * *

 **Part 5**

* * *

Later that afternoon-

"What do they feed girls in this town? I could have sworn she was ready for marriage, or at least… for those people."

"...You sound suspiciously disappointed. Hmm, I still remember that look you gave me when we first met two years ago."

"Come on, don't act like you're unsurprised after spitting neroid all over my new shirt. Thanks for that, by the way!"

In the end , we turned her down.

It only made sense that the others were protective of such a child.

It was only after learning her age when I finally realized it.

That innocent face, that unusually developed body.

She was the perfect jailbait!

Unlike Big Boss, she was comparatively developed for her age.

And any guy taking her away would be instantly branded a lolicon.

On a side note, I've heard that the giant frogs here are rich in protein and growth hormones.

So we've decided to hunt some.

For the sake of being adventurers, of course.

I do not need a body like Lalatina's.

I just wish to secure more provender for the towns growing boys and girls, and protect the peace of the town as well. Mmhm, that's it.

Right-Giant Toads!

The most basic of starter quest the town of beginnings has to offer.

I, Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg...am going to hunt the mobbiest of mobs.

The weakest of the weak…!

 _Aren't you all excited?_

"Hold your horses, princess. We have no real grasp on our current combat capability. In our cursed personas, that is. This would've been a piece of cake for the regular me. Yup, no problem at all… "

"There's only one way to find out. Besides, if we can't manage even these things, what hope do we have of completing the task we've been given? We need to test the waters somehow!"

We must gauge how close we are to achieving our ultimate goal.

Or rather, how much help we'll need in order to stand a chance in this career.

"Okay, okay. Man-up time. Judging by my class, my primary goal should be to deal damage, right?"

No, the priestess should definitely be doing the most damage in a party. With her bare fists, no less.

Did this guy's brain shut down? Can I, now a young and defenseless priest girl, really rely on this clueless man?

A crippling wave of anxiety washed over me like never before.

As these thoughts were going through my head, our first enem- I mean, target, appeared.

"Alice, I present to you-my admirable and reliable side!"

He said, flaring his mantle while slinging his fancy crossbow and searching his quiver for some specific bolt.

"Behold, [Bait Shot]!"

The bolt landed a couple meters in front of the frog, who stared down at it.

Is it working?

Sprinting up close to the distracted foe, he readied his killer blow!

"Take this, [Piercing Shot]!"

 _Spurrgk._

An extra-heavy, extra-fast iron bolt lodged itself deep in the toad.

Perhaps he isn't so hopeless after all.

"Did you see that! Did you see!? I totally nailed it's weak point for massive damage!"

…

From five whole meters away, no less.

I'm pleased to see the toad immobilized by the attack…

However, I do also remember Kazuma-san telling me a story where similar events took place-

"You might want to step away from the frog, just in case-"

"Huh? Oh shi-"

 _THACK._

… Right, that's exactly what happened next in the story.

The toads' thick fat layer makes them immune to most physical attacks and thus deceptively easy targets to beginners.

It's time for me to step up the game as well.

I shot the creature a threatening glare. It looked lazily back at me with its googly eyes.

...Damn, it's just impossible to take seriously.

I can only see it as a big, living meal.

The experience points are negligible.

Hurry up and become boobs!

Just as I was having these deep thoughts with my arms crossed and nodding at my brilliant mental musings, I suddenly found myself staring down the throat of said toad.

"Oi, princess! Move it or lose it!"

And staring out of said throat was the once dignant prince.

All I have to do is deftly dodge to the side a dozen paces or so and-

Ahhh…?

Suddenly, time seems to have slowed down during this life or death, fight or flight moment.

Except I'm the only slow one here.

As my side leap had barely carried me six inches, I managed to catch the side of my face on the toads incoming tongue attack.

It feels like having my face licked by a huge dog.

With about a hundred times the amount of slobber. Plus a smell worse than that one time when I got attacked by skunks in the back garden.

And it's seeping into every corner of my clothes!

This…

This toad!

Is SO dead.

… Right?

I landed only a few paces in the direction I had lept.

I prepared for this, damn it. I've made clear plans in my head for dealing with these despicable creatures.

Yet here I am, at immediate risk of being humiliated literally right in front of this crappy prince.

My staff is really not meant as an offensive weapon after all, but it can-

"Eat this you miserable mound of boob-goop!"

Just as I was about to be swallowed, I shoved my staff into its mouth sideways, rendering it unable to close, and yanked it's victim free.

"Let me get some more shots in!" he cried as he hit the ground running.

So far the only thing we've learned here is that bolts do next to nothing.

That isn't stopping Revi from trying though-

At least he got it's attention off of me long enough to do a gear check.

Dripping in slime, check.

Missing my staff, check.

Having genocidal thoughts, check.

More than well-equipped to end this nonsense!

Ignoring my class limitations current stats, I drew my family's divine sword and-

-Handed it to the confused prince-archer-but-not-really-either.

"I am currently indisposed by toad slime, so do something useful and kill it."

"Why me!? I'm not a knight so I don't have any sword skills either."

"Our stats are equally bad but our bodies aren't-unless you've been a girl this whole time, that is. Look, remember this thing called 'chivalry'? That's right, I'm the damsel in distress and you have to save me!"

Kazuma-san kept complaining about how girls abuse their gender only when it's convenient.

Now is one of those times.

"...I see. Leave it to me then, princess! I'll let it have a taste of Prince Charming's wrath!"

"Oh, and don't get any slime on the sword or I'm going to bill Elroad for the year long mystic polishing treatment. "

"...Right" he said with only a slight crack of his voice.

Later.

"How did it come to this. How do they even manage to smell this bad?"

"If you didn't fail to kill a single toad with the aid of a legendary sword of myths and your expensive crossbow, and get eaten twice, you wouldn't smell so bad."

In the end, I had to resort to using the occult magic of beating it for half an hour straight with my staff.

"I see, I miscalculated. Next time I won't use the cheapest, bulk rate bolts even on the weakest of mobs. I'll have to use the two Eris a bolt models with actual heads rather than the cheaper practice ones."

"...Excuse me?"

Revi stopped walking towards the bathhouse and looked at me.

"Bolts are consumables, it only makes financial sense to use the most expedient ones to accomplish the task at hand."

Financial sense? Arguably yes; common sense? Hell no.

"I see, that Ravi is a stingy bastard who sells dignity for money. Look forward to the sword polishing bill."

"...Have you ever even verified that such an expensive process is necessary? Did you ever take out bids? Whatever, I accepted your terms when I took the sword. I won't make such a verbal contract again."

As we stood in the roadway glaring at each other, a high voice snapped us out of our conversation.

"Just as I masterfully predicted! You two are completely hopeless. Wahahahaha!"

Indeed, there sitting, playing with some kitten with some kind of sucker in her mouth, was that jailbait girl we rejected not an hour before.

She smiled at us like a predator to its prey, and it gave us chills.

"I know you two are filled with vengeance; so, want to make a deal with the devil?"

She said, standing up.

"Come one, come all, It's time for fried toad and I'm hungry!"

"Eeeek!"

Being the kind gentleman he is, Revi happily volunteered to bait the toad for us.

Just watch him scream and shout in excitement!

I mean, he's surprisingly good at running away. Perhaps he used to do it a lot.

"Wawawawa heeeeeeeeeeelp!"

…No worries, I gave him an elementary speed buff.

"Is that all you could find? One, two three four...nine? I suppose that will make a double quest set!"

Komekko was raring to go, eyes flaring along with her cape.

"You all look….delicious!" she said and wiped her drool on her sleeve.

If I were a toad-which I'm happy that I'm not-I would run at once upon hearing that.

"Hah, hah, hah, ..I-I made it...gah"

As Revi arrived with the toad train in tow gasping, I couldn't help but think the toads suddenly seemed much more ominous than I remembered. Not that I'd ever be frightened of mere toads, never!

"Komekko..Komekko-chan? They seem to be getting quite close now...um… "

I wasn't concerned in the least.

But I was prepared to book it at a moments notice.

"First you have to say the prayer! To me, the fire devil!"

Ridiculous! How dare she tempt a holy princess with her unholy, black magic-

"Please just do it Komekko I don't want be swallowed or used as bait again!"

-but those toads are getting dangerously close.

Fine, I'll give in and…

Wait, prayer to a devil? How in the world should I know what that might sound like!?

Maybe I can make one up? What did Megumin-san always say before an explosion?

"I appreciate your loyalty, Ravi-san! Unfortunately, the devil isn't pleased with your prose. Please try again."

"Ahem! I-"

Based on my fuzzy memories, I started,

"Black… darkness, darkness so black and dark… Uhm… I, with my crimson… beg for thy… almighty awakening! Shroud this… yellow…? No, white, world with… destruction and let the prince-No! I mean, kings of myriad worlds… distort the… boundaries? Of! Creation and destruction… oh wait I just said that… Whatever! Please ascend from… the arcane abyss, devil of fire, vengeance manifest, apocalypse incarnate… !"

 _Jailbait of annoyance,_ I added, silently.

"Beautiful! The pacing, the abstraction… The devil is well-pleased! Watch, watch as your enemies transform into smouldering ash!"

… Smouldering ash?

Forget the toads, as long as we don't turn into ash, I'd be very thankful-

 _Please no explosion, please no explosion, please no explosion_ …

"[FIREBALL]!"

"?!"

Wasn't that just intermediate magic?

Is that really enough for this kind of a crowd?!

Wait, she did mention something about intermediate magic before but…

Just as I was thinking about kneecapping Revi as sacrifice for my escape…

"[Fireball]! [Fireball]s and more [fireball]s!"

Komekko started launching fireballs like a bubble gun.

The cascade of pure fireball quickly engulfed the toads in flames.

"What is going on here?"

Revi was right.

There was no way a child like her could hold enough mana to achieve this, which means…

"You liking my fireworks show so far?"

"Um… Komekko-chan! We appreciate your help but…!"

"No problem! I'm only doing what I'm best at! [Fireball]!"

And as promised, all the remaining toads were quickly reduced to smouldering ash.

"... how are we supposed to sell the meat if all the toads are burnt to ashes…"

"Ravi! Isn't your wallet heavy enough yet!? We have bigger things to worry about than the stupid toads!"

Like, for example, this little girl who might actually be a demonspawn.

It'd be good news for us if she is in fact thousands of years old.

Who knows if she isn't yet another puppet Regina-sama's using to toy with us?

"The contract has been completed! Thank you for doing business with yours truly. Now, will you let me join your party? Hint hint, the fire devil will not take no for an answer!"

"Right, we'll talk about this later. For now, we're going to take a bath and calm down. You can meet us in the guild hall afterwards."

I started escap-walking back. Revi tugged my sleeve as he followed.

"... Are you sure you're okay with her, princess? I'm… I don't want to do this kind of business…!"

"Hold up, where do you think you two are going? We're a party now, we have to stick together you know? And why talk later if we could talk now?"

I thought she couldn't bait us.

I tried to not get baited.

I begged her to not bait us.

...And we were baited anyway.

Having finished the quest, the three of us headed back to town towards the baths.

"We're going straight for food after this, okay?"

Yes, Ms. Devil, we don't have a choice.

Still, we're about to enter a public bath with a 10-year-old… at least supposedly.

Claire would have a stroke just thinking of it. Out of happiness, that is.

As we scrubbed, rinsed and got in to soak, I couldn't help but wonder.

What part of this girl was ten years old?

"Alice is staring at me… In a creepy way."

Oops.

Don't look at me with those suspicious eyes!

I'm not Claire!

I don't have those proclivities.

It's just-

"How old are you, really?"

Komekko paused at my question.

"Mentally, factually, historically… Ph-physically."

I whispered the last one; though I doubt she understood me.

She sighed before responding.

"I know ten years is what I've been telling everyone, but the truth is alarming and uncanny. No one would have believed it if I told them…"

Oh boy, 2000 year old demon right here. Called it.

"It dates all the way back to when I was born. Us crimson demons have always had our own ways about things. We had our own culture, our own set of laws, different ideals… That said, one of the most major differences between our society and the townspeople's is the way we keep dates."

Go on, go on! Show that you're not truly 10!

"While the popular standard is to define a year as 365 sundowns and sunrises, our ancestors have thoughtfully considered many other factors such as the gyration of the sun, the periodic shifts in the magic field, the turning of the moon…"

"So that in the end, a year was carefully calculated to be exactly 361 days!"

Huh? How does that relate to your being a devil of ancient?

"You can probably guess from there on. When they celebrated my 10th birthday at the guild, I was really… 11, by my native standards."

Ohh! That explains… next to nothing.

Why does such a trivial and idiotic system even exist!?

It's worse than Elroad's economic model!

"And so, the restaurant discount for ages 10 and below that I've been enjoying all this time was in fact invalid. Of course, I didn't tell anyone… and neither should you! This is classified information, alright!?"

And another thing…

"Also, you look awfully fit for a backliner. If I didn't know better, I'd say you look more like a scout or thief rather than archwizard."

Looking awkward for the first time, she replied.

"Ah.. see, um. There are reasons for that. It's not really important for now. It's nothing bad I swear, I just have my own way and aesthetic you know? Crimson Demons value the visuals as much as victory, sometimes more. To Komekko here, being cool means striking an intimidating form with your well trained body! The physical manifestation of both your power and will."

I see, I get it.

This girl has been influenced by someone she admires. How cute!

It reminded me of Big Boss…

Speaking of whom, I can kind of understand her sensitivity towards being called a loli now.

Just as I was deep in thought-

"Muwahahah!"

The girl stood up abruptly and struck a menacing pose, swinging her arms wide and flexing them.

"Gaze upon my magnificent, demonic form you thankless little girl, and be amazed!"

She spoke in the deepest voice she could muster.

"And, just like that, he… fufufu~" she said smiling at some cherished memory.

Whoever it was had clearly been a weirdo.

Clearly her family had not kept a close enough eye on on this girl.

Someone really ought to.

Such a pure girl clearly needed to be protected.

It's not that I've been swept up in some kind of hypnotic aura around her or anything.

"Ahh… you only get to appreciate being clean after getting all dirty. Are you two ready to go?"

Waiting for us at the entrance, Revi looked like he had fully recovered from his ordeal.

Maybe he wasn't as fragile as I had thought.

"Ahh, Alice, can we stop by the post exchange? I want to send a letter back to the weapons lab and tell them to develop a special bolt that can violently explode after embedding itself deep inside the target. That will show those toads who's the boss."

Or maybe he's willing to spend national funds on toad genocide.

"We already have something for that and it's called being a wizard. Look, please refrain from going ballistic after choosing the wrong class. We need to get to the guild and report the quest results-" I said, turning to the girl at my side.

"-Right after we register Komekko-chan as a party member of course. It's only fair that we complete the deal with the little devil, right? N-not that she carried us… "

"Ehhh?!"

That's right.

I remember what it was like not to have a party.

To be alone without any playmates.

How could I have forgotten such a thing?

Once upon a time, a weak adventurer risked his all to keep a princess from feeling alone.

How could I let such a child be?

She was good at putting on a show but-

This girl must be every bit as lonely in her own way.

"Really!? Awesome! Alice-san is the best! I'll finally get to have some alone time to go adventuring with someone of my age instead of being surrounded by the entire guild at all times…!"

… Right?

Now that she mentioned it, what would we do if all the adventurers hunted us down?

No, there's no need to worry.

I'm a princess.

Not a spoiled little girl whom people call "princess" simply to make her feel special, but a strong-willed, battled-hardened, responsible real princess!

If I can't even convince my own people that I'm good-natured, I've already failed my original identity.

After all, I'm unlike that wreck of a prince.

"Yes, truly...I was mistaken before miss Komekko. I think we should gladly accept your august presence...I-if you don't mind?"

Case in point; swaying faster than Aqua-sama when offered booze.

But the point stands; we must take the risks and include Komekko in our party!

"C'mon, let's get the paperwork done, have a nice meal as a party with the rest of the adventurers, then find a place to stay for the night."

I said, giving my most welcoming smile.

"Eh? You don't have a place booked yet? I hate to say this, but due to a Axis cult convention, all the inns in town will be booked solid for the next week."

!

I know we are newbie adventurers and all, but I wanted to avoid sleeping in the stables surrounded by manure. Looking at Revi, he definitely agrees with me.

"Uwaaa, those green faces. I see, the alternative doesn't appeal to you then. Well… My sister and her family live in something of a mansion, I'm sure I could…"

"Sorry, but no, we wouldn't dream of imposing."

I mean, come on, just how big a charity case must we seem at this point?

"It's unfortunate, but it seems we have no choice to spend the night amongst detritus and parasites. I suppose this was unavoidable given the current lifestyle, but in the end I-"

"AHA!"

The loli smacked her hand into her palm in the classic 'i just got an idea' motion, and smiled that predator grin of hers.

"It's fine so long as you are _not_ imposing right? Ok, I just remembered something. Just follow me after dinner, ok?"

Unlike the food we were used to eating, the options at the Adventurer's Guild were less than stellar.

Still they tasted amazing because they were bought with our own reward money.

All of us, written on our faces and our laughter as we told and retold and embellished the story of our conquest to each other and to the tables nearby.

For once, we could feel the same feeling as the other adventurers and bask in the same mood.

I, who had always dreamed of this.

Revi, who had stumbled into it.

Komekko, who had always been a privileged spectator, rather than a participant.

We all belong here now.

As adventurers.

Adventurers, who struggle and cry and laugh as they shake the mud off and-just sometimes-manage to accomplish something grand.

This rowdy bunch, this city of beginnings-

I'm starting to see why _they_ never left, even after accomplishing so much. When even the cost of a mansion or two became trivial and they could do as they pleased…

-Those were my thoughts as we left the guild, fed, happy and gabbing about everything and nothing.

Although, I couldn't help but also notice Vanir-san berating a drunk, petite, pink-haired girl across the hall.

I guess not everyone felt the same way.

Our new crimson friend led us across town under the dimming sky. As the magic lamp posts sparked to life, we came upon a large estate draped in shadows.

Komekko stopped in front of the wrought iron security gate, then spun around smiling.

"What a large mansion, this would almost fit in Elroad. Are we planning to break in? I must warn you, I don't have any thief skills, and would generally prefer not getting arrested."

Well, he's right. It would be better not to call attention to ourselves.

Besides, I know this place. This was the very mansion in which I did all kinds of… chivalrous thievery (lol) with Big Boss.

The memories were great while they lasted, but why are we…

Komekko then produced a set of keys from one of her mantle's many pockets, and proceeded to open the gate.

Oh…

Oh dear…

What?!

"K-komekko? Why do you have the keys to this place?" I said in a cold sweat.

"They were something I found in my sisters closet. The address is engraved on them so I found this place about a week later."

Sister!? Closet!? Wait, this girl…

Could she be…

"So, ever since this place has been my personal hideout and playhouse!"

"Komekko! This house holds much more significance than just your playhouse! Tell me, who is your sister? Do you know a girl called Megumin? Is she your sister!?"

"Whoa whoa, too fast! Yes, it is I, the greatest archwizard of Axel… 's little sister Komekko! I know this fact might be very shocking and you might be wanting an autograph, but please save any questions for later. Let's head inside first."

As I passed through the familiar doors, I could see the real estate board was still attending to the upkeep.

I'm guessing the royal accounts are still being billed for it.

"Why is such a estate obviously unoccupied like this? Well, aside from some furniture and….what is this stuff?"

"Ahh, like I said, this has been my playhouse right? This is where I brought all the interesting things I found since I came to this town."

Spread throughout the large main hall of the former "Masked Thieves Subgroup" headquarters and hideout were various oddities and toys.

And there's the massive list of invitations we made.

The nostalgia is overwhelming. I need to sit down.

"O-oi! Alice? You look like you just saw a ghost!"

I wouldn't mind meeting the ghosts of our younger selves.

"Ahh, there isn't much here, but let me get you something to drink!"

I crashed onto the couch to calm my nerves. It felt soft as ever.

Her sister's keys huh?

A crimson demon huh?

In Axel?

It should have been obvious…

I had written off the resemblance to general clan similarities.

As I looked at the girl in question bringing me a glass of water, looking at me with a face full of concern, I couldn't help but feel that our positions were somewhat reversed.

Looks like I'm 'Big Boss' now, right?

Heh…

I leaned back on the couch and sighed.

...At my left hand is an OP loli.

...At my right hand is a friendless politician who has zero experience in communicating with 99.5% of the population.

Stop, you're making yourself feel old!

Most importantly, we have a place to sleep now.

I can't believe all of this happened in one day.

Speaking of which, what exactly did happen?

I came to Axel, bought gear, found a… "party" (lol), then killed-or rather, watched a little girl kill several toads.

In short, I'm bottomscoring. Is this what it means to be 'carried'?

Princess Dark+Angel would have done so much more… wouldn't she?

Or would she have been as useless as me?

Come to think of it, did my years of education make any difference at all?

Am I really just a regular girl without my skills?

Why is it that I'm still the one to be saved rather than the savior that I wish to become?

Listening to stories sheltered in the castle really didn't prepare me for this at all.

In the end, that prince did more with his money than I with my… anything.

Though compared to the demonic little girl, we were both dead weight.

Someone blessed by heritage, and raw talent.

Did you set this up, Regina-sama?

I get it.

I'm not dense.

….

But it still hurts.

….

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be different!

The real debut of the stunningly average adventurer Alice!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - A Newbie Dungeon for this Newbie Demon!**

* * *

 **Part 1**

* * *

Eventually, morning came.

My first experiences of sleeping outside of my own bedroom haven't been so bad.

Today will be very productive. We'll get all the housework done, turn this playhouse into a proper home and then go frag some big monsters to powerlevel!

….

As soon as I drag myself out of bed, of course.

….

Being a princess, I must be the first one up to make sure everyone else is safe and sound.

I will then surprise them with my… non-existent cooking skills. Hmm, I've run into some problems already.

"Oi, you lazy princess...get your butt up or we are going to eat without you!"

!?

I opened my eyes for the first time of the day after being rudely yelled at by Revi.

...and immediately closed them again after having them directly blasted by mid-noon sunlight.

"Shut up! Princesses don't rush to eat unlike you barbarians. I have some morning scheming to do, so leave me alone! Sheesh!"

Not having Claire wake me up early in the morning clearly has its downsides.

"Uwaa….Alice-san's hairstyle is so expressive and cool! I'm jealous!"

"Indeed, it's almost as if she's never _not_ had anyone to comb it for her after waking before," Revi said with a grin.

Urk.

It's not that I don't know how to get myself ready; I let others do it for me only because I can. Mhmm, that's right.

I was merely used to having maids around. I promise I can be independent! I… promise…!

As I sat mannerly on the couch, Komekko took a comb and started to...

"...Hey, a prin-*cough* older girl knows how to take care of her own hair. There's no need to…"

"Shh! The devil has been inspired by your artistic hairstyle. She will now proceed to work her magic."

Ain't I supposed to be the boss here?

Or at least the older one?

Still, the way she does it feels kind of...nice.

"T-thanks Komekko. So, ready for breakfast?"

"Lunch, actually."

* * *

An hour later-

-We're eating at a street vendor's again.

"Seconds, please!"

Our devil didn't disappoint, but the vendors all seem familiar with her, never failing to pile up her portions higher.

About that household stuff…

"Ok, we need household items, kitchen utensils and dishes, new tablecloth, proper bed sheets, carpets, stock the pantry, toiletries, a few vases of flowers for decoration and cleaning supplies….what else? Hmmm…"

I said putting an index finger to my mouth.

"...That seems like an awful lot of stuff for one trip and three people, Alice."

"...If this devil dares, would your budget allow for a delivery option? The market association runs a courier, delivery cart service for all the shops, which delivers to all of Axel, you know?"

Ah, that does seem like a good option really, else we may be running laps all day.

"Sounds like a plan...hmm…."

Not really following what happened after that, I nonchalantly took out my adventurer's card to...study it, update it?

Not because I just wanted to admire it or anything!

"Ahh, Alice-san, I know the fried potatoes here are quite good, but even a devil finds drooling on them in bad manners you know?"

Really though.

It really is pretty cool.

Ehehe…

Eh?!

My Card! It's ….what is this?

First, I noticed I had gone up two levels. Second, a blinking notification of some kind was piquing my interest.

Curiously touching it, the small menu changed from available skills to… A class change option?

Next to it was a drawn little ":p". This is the first time I've seen anything like that…

Very cute, but also somewhat concerning.

"Battle-Priest?"

"Hmmm?"

Revi looked at me inquisitively, but I simply gave him one of my trademark princess smiles. He rolled his eyes and went right back to eating.

Suddenly, I feel being watched.

Watched by a very powerful being, good or bad.

Am I about to make a contract with a devil?

Am I about to become the subject of some sacrificial ritual!?

…

Meh, I'm overthinking this.

Click!

Instantly, I felt something inside me…shift.

Like grafting a new limb onto your body, I gained an awareness of great depth I simply didn't have before.

I closed my eyes, and let it flow through me…

When I opened them again, I saw the changes reflected on the card.

Job - Battle Priest

Class Skills - Akashic Discharge, followed by several more skill slots labelled with question marks.

After that are my regular priest skills; although, 'spell break' and 'purification' are missing.

Akashic Discharge…

All I have to say is that… the new skill seems quite interesting.

* * *

 **Part 2**

* * *

"Yes receptionist-san, we would like to take that quest."

"Are you certain? N-not that I'm discouraging you! It's just that… it was posted nearly a year ago and nobody has taken it yet."

We immediately located the most experience rewarding quest.

The quest involves getting rid of a major goblin breeding ground near a farm in the outskirts.

But because the goblins are only active a few times a year and only one or two farms are ever annoyed by them, the bounty is very little.

"Absolutely! The devil has grown past mortal desires and now seeks spiritual hardening. Right Alice? Right Ravi?"

Says the kid who just ate three whole chickens for breakfast-I mean, lunch.

Though I do admit that I'm eager to try out my new, literally godsent skill.

I'm just not sure if I'm ready to get hurt yet-

Moments later.

"Us walking out in the wilderness looking for things to kill. Why does this give me deja vu? If it goes like before, someone is about to miss 10 shots in a row… "

"Sh-shut up, healer. That's right, you can't even do damage now! Besides, we're not exactly alone either."

We're also not without a clear destination this time. As long as nothing supernatural appears out of nowhere, we should be able to handle everything with ease.

"Fufufu! Death to goblins! Take this! [Fireball]! [Lightning]! Haaa!"

…Besides, we have this unholy girl on our side now.

Komekko is already putting on a show by unleashing magic upon guilty rocks and tree stumps in the vicinity.

P-please save some for the goblins, Komekko-chan?

"Now, everyone listen. If we learned anything from yesterday's humiliating defeat, it's that we need to strategize and to never underestimate our enemies."

After arriving at the site of interest, I began to discuss with a serious face.

"D-defeat? But… I only remember killing toads quickly with my epic magic! I totally don't remember anything about you two coming back to town all drenched in slime or anything! Hey… what's with that look… okay, fine, I'm sorry I brought that up! Carry on, geez..."

Revi and I unanimously stared daggers at the stupid demon.

"Well then. So, as I've mentioned, we need to strategize. First, Ravi will shoot, with his new and upgraded skills, at the goblins to wound them."

Revi hungrily pounced on the opportunity to strike a cool pose.

Or what he thought was a cool pose. _Just wait you spoiled child, don't think it's gonna end nicely for you._

"After his… penetrable line of defense, Komekko will use her powerful magic to take care of the stragglers. Even if that ends up not being enough, worry not, for I…"

"Hey, why didn't you pause and wait for me, the great devil, to strike an even better pose?"

I was clenching my teeth at this point.

"I will use my new damage reflecting skill to punish the final goblins. Is that clear!? Do your duties well and I won't have to sacrifice my own well-being!"

I wanted to have a dramatic finish to reveal my honorable, sacrificial strategy.

In truth, I never really wanted to get hurt. I chose this order specifically because I know there's no way that demonspawn can fail at killing goblins.

"So, let's get it on the road, Ravi!"

"Yes ma'am! I mean, yes, your High-Ahem no, I really mean: yes, my darling! [Scatter shot]!"

I wasn't even mad when he called me "ma'am", but I am now after his two corrections.

Though, I chose to stay mature and not throw a tantrum. Boys are boys, after all.

Damn it, Komekko, wipe that stupid grin off your face!

"Bullseye! Targets eliminated!"

Wait.

What?

"... Which one? You used 'scatter shot', didn't you?"

"All of them, darling!"

In slight disbelief, I looked across the field…

… To see a dozen dead goblins.

Now, I understand that we've improved since the last quest, but this is ridiculous.

Either something was done to his bolt, or goblins are in fact much weaker to piercing damage than… _oh of course._

"Don't slack off so soon, more are coming!"

"Yes, my-"

"And call me by my name for Eris sake!"

"Yes, my loyal companion and healer, Alice Steelish-Spade!"

"[Freeze Gust]~"

"[Scatter shot], [Scatter shot]!"

With a single ice magic spell from Komekko, the entire assaulting group of goblins became sitting ducks to Revi's onslaught of arrows.

"And…all dead, Alice!"

 _When did this guy get so… obnoxious?_

… No. He's clearly trying to tease me into submission.

I must resist and smile…

He's resorted to treating me harshly in an attempt to invoke some tsundere behavior in me.

Revi turned around smugly and saluted.

Following suit, Komekko also shrugged and looked at me triumphantly despite not having moved a finger.

… How did it turn out this way?

How come I ended up being the only one to not gain exp?

"Hmmph…"

Wait, I recognize that look in his eyes.

Now he's preparing to hear some highly tsundere conclusion from me.

He's expecting me to act nonchalant and snobbish.

Well then, Prince, your play is about to get hard-countered.

"Hmm, wow, you were amazing, Ravi! Those skills you learned really paid off! Respect!"

…His look did not change at all.

I hate him.

Now that I have a clearer idea of how weak goblins really were, I quickly drafted a new plan.

This intricate, well-thought out plan involves everyone simply charging in and killing as many goblins as possible.

"Thanks for demonstrating your impressive skills, Ravi. I'm sure Komekko-chan here is very eager to use hers as well!"

This way, I might be able to put my skills to use as a healer, in case they get too greedy and injure themselves.

"So, let's turn on the offensive and quickly sweep the trash! I'll be here to heal you, so don't hold back!"

"Wahaha! Feel the doom descending upon you!"

I should feel bad for sending a loli into battle, but I don't.

In fact, I kind of want her to get hurt and then come beg me for healing. That'll show her who's really in charge of this party.

"Take this! [Piercing shot]! [Flametip]! [Explosive rain]!"

"Those aren't even skills are they!? You're just using your fancy rich-kid arrows!"

"Haaaaya! [Fiyaball]!"

…

What was I thinking!? How could this literal demon possibly get hurt by mere goblins!?

I must take matters into my own hands if I want to extract any experience from this.

Without notifying the other two, I quietly flanked behind the frontline to tackle a few lone goblins.

… With, of course, my trusty staff.

Coming to think of it, it's really quite ridiculous that a princess has to beat goblins with a healer's staff to steal exp from her own teammates.

"[Fireball]! Burn in hell! Hahaha!"

"Yeah! Great one, Komekko! Here's something I would like to try…"

"[Lightning]! Ooh? The demon is interested!"

"Whoa! That almost hit me! Careful!"

… Those two are getting along awfully well together. I wonder if my absence will ultimately lead to my own alienation…!?

No, I must be overthinking. I just have to bash some goblins and focus on leveling up for now.

This is only our first quest together, nothing much can happen, can it?

"... Do it now!"

"Okay! [Tinder]!"

"[Barrage]! Wow, it worked! Look at that deathly stream of flaming arrows!"

"Yay~~! The devil loves this trick!"

No, something must be happening between them. I have to…

 _Grrrrrr.._

* * *

 **Part 3**

* * *

Did I just groan out loud?

I can't be that bothered, can I? I mean…

 _Grrrrrrowl…_

No, that definitely wasn't me.

As a healer, I had decided to learn the enemy detecting skill to stay safe. Now seems to be a great time to use it…!

"[Detect enemy]...!?"

… Oh right, I remember being taught the preying habits of _rookie killers_.

They symbiotically follow goblins around and hunt down any rookies trying to...

But, there had to have been close to two hundred goblins in this place.

Would it even be possible for a rookie killer to herd such a large group?

Maybe it was looking for an opportunity to bag a group that got seperated?

"Everyone! Retreat! There's a rookie killer coming for us!"

I shouted as I ran towards the two children playing without a care in the world.

"Homing arrow-what!? Oh crap, I didn't put any points into mobility at all!"

"Rookie killer? But I'm no rookie! I'm a devil! Stare into my crimson eyes and feel the fear-hey! Put me down!"

I hastily casted speed and strength buffs on Revi and myself, picked up the demon and ran for our lives.

"Alice! We can't outrun this thing! We have to either divert it or kill it!"

"Why don't you shoot it instead of stating the obvious!? This could end in much worse ways than merely getting slimed up!"

"I can't take aim while running! Ah, ah it's gaining on me! Help!"

A rookie killer is certainly a great source of exp, but if we get killed by it…

… Ridiculous. If I still had my skills, a single Exterion would have shown it who's boss.

"[Lightning]!"

With a bang, an arc of electricity came out from Komekko's hand and struck the rookie killer.

...

"That is why you let the devil go!"

Right, we do still have a trump card.

But the rookie killer was merely stunned.

It was smoking and disoriented and smelling delicious but most definitely not incapacitated.

And a quick glance at the woods told me there was worse news than that.

"Th-there are… several more staring at us."

Ahh…

I get it now.

How does a rookie killer herd two hundred goblins?

Just add more rookie killers and the equation is balanced.

"How dare you stay alive after being smitten by the devil herself!? Anger me more and you shall receive hell's most twisted torment!"

"Komekko, Iris, hold it back for as long as you can. I'll go look for help! …If I can!"

Don't use my real name, idiot! And do you have this little trust in our demon-wizard!?

Huddling together, it quickly became apparent we were surrounded.

This is rapidly spinning out of hand!

The lightning from earlier must have alerted pretty much every animal in the forest.

It's only reasonable that other rookie killers would come and claim their slice of the pie.

"Ravi, break out the best bolts you got, Komekko, you ready to bring the fire and thunder!?"

"The devil will not forgive this transgression, and will dine on the roasted entrails of-"

The devil, however, was sweating profusely, and breathing noticeably harder.

So even her mana reserves have a limit?

Slowly, with our backs to each other, we moved towards a large boulder, to deny the circling cats a complete envelopment.

What to do?

We don't actually have a front line fighter do we?

This was not a circumstance I've ever had to consider in depth.

Focus, Iris!

I ran through my list of options, and began casting mass buffs onto the three of us.

"[Empower], [Haste], [Resist]!"

Just as three of the beasts started moving inwards on us…

"[Lightning]!"

An arc from each hand lashed out, striking down two of the encroachers.

Wait, two!?

I won't begin to try to understand how that humanly was possible.

"[ScatterShot, Acid Bolt]!"

I'm going to guess those are the expensive ones.

Another foe got turned into a pincushion, but instead of shrugging the arrows off as expected, it started thrashing around on the grass like mad.

"Let's see you shrug off that acid, it can liquify bone!" he cried out triumphantly.

"Oi, how many more of those do you have, by chance?"

"I got a hefty discount of a whole 15 % off, on a set of three..."

Yeah, that's what I thought.

With my constant buffing, Revi's arrows were doing damage, but were a rapidly diminishing asset.

"The devil has had enough of this, pay for your insolence, [Hellfire]!"

Placing a hand to her mouth as if to breath fire, she did exactly that!

A rushing roar, a fwooooosh of hot air, as our devil turned dragon with a sweeping arc of flame catching several more of the rookie killers by surprise.

"Nice, way to go Komekko!"

Shouted the prince as he madly went about reloading his fancy bow however-

"Gwarrr!"

Out from the wall of flames leapt another rookie killer, clearly gunning for Revi!

"Watch out!"

I cried out, but the big cat was too fast.

Its clawed swipe just missed taking his head off but…

"Gywaaaa!"

His right arm was gashed open!

"Revi!"

I rushed to him, swinging my staff in a wide arc straight at its face.

!

And its face went splat with a wet sound.

"A-alice….that light.."

It covered me like a prismatic sheet, and faded moments later…

"Just shut up and let me heal you."

"K-Komekko-sama, are you sure you can't draw some extra mana from the pits of hell or whatever? We kind of need it to survive this encounter…"

What I wouldn't give for a Teleport right now.

As I worked to cast my healing magic, I could sense an intense stare.

The little would be devil was looking at us both with an expression I'd never dreamt to see on her adorable face.

Coming to some resolution, she turned away , looking into the flames.

"...I'm sorry, but it seems the devil must break her contract."

...Huh?

What?!

"I picked this quest, then shamelessly wasted my mana showing off. I even managed to drag you two into this... When these flames die, the rookie killers will swamp us...so..before that."

Her eyes flared brilliantly..

"I'm going to use my ultra secret, ultra coolest most demonic powers to force an opening!"

Oi, little girl, saying such things won't make you stronger!

"...and I want you two to run away as fast as you can."

This twerp can't be serious!

And….and…..

….Why are Revi's eyes going all sparkly as he looks at her!?

I'm the princess here! I'm the one who should be getting us out of here, I'm the one who should be saving us, I'm-

"Darkness of the pit, Hero of Hell's storm, Lord of Ash and suffering!"

Her eyes glowing radiantly, a flaming pentagram appeared before her-

Whoa, I've never learned much magic, but pentagrams usually show up only around the Demon King's armies…!

T-this is?!

"Heed my call and fulfill our blood contract!"

-And with that, she took a small knife and slit her palm.

"Please, answer my prayer and help me protect my friends!"

This… is the same ritual those demons performed before demon generals arrived!

" _Join your strength to mine,_ _ **Hoost!**_ "

Please just be chuuni please just be chuuni please just be chuuni.

"Komekko! Are you possessed!? Shake your head if you are being held hostage by some evil spirit! Nod if- Look out!"

A rookie killer dove through the dying flames straight at her -

I closed my eyes reflexively at the intensity of the moment.

 _GASHUNK_

Then I heard a very disgusting and violent noise.

"Komekko! Ko-!?"

Lying before her was a headless rookie killer. There were shreds of meat all around Komekko, but I frankly don't wish to figure out what exactly had happened.

Blood spewing all over her as she took up a fighting stance, she tossed her mantle aside, onto the ground.

T-This is?!

"Oh my Lady Eris, she chopped it right up!" screamed Revi with a cracking voice.

How?

"You picked a fight with the wrong little girl, you barbaric animals!"

I don't know what that voice sounded like, but it for sure wasn't that of a little girl's.

Bounding forward with inhuman speed, she went on the offensive, dodging, slashing, cutting the rookie killers, trees and rocks to ribbons without even touching them!

It was impossible.

It was also happening.

She's definitely possessed. No more reasonable doubt exists.

But by what kind of violent abomination?

Focusing my mana and skills, I activated a sensory perception skill.

With each stroke she made, I could see a faint shimmer of the air, a silhouette.

Massive arms, rippling with red muscle, tipped with huge adamatine claws projecting out in front of her…

"You won't leave her alone so now I will leave you somewhere alone! In hell!"

When she jumped away from their counter attacks, gigantic, thick, long legs and….a devils tail….

This girl, this wannabe chunni jailbait devil, was acting as proxy to something dangerous.

Something dangerous… and… undeniably mesmerizing.

What am I thinking!?

"Oh? You want to take a closer look? How about I bring her closer to you so you could get a real close look at your face being shredded!"

Already, a dozen or more rookie killers had fallen to her onslaught, but…

"Hah….hah...hah….."

Sweat was pouring down her face and her eyes were no longer glowing.

Her stance was already getting sloppy as the attractive-I mean, evil presence faded around her body.

I can't even imagine the kind of strain she must be enduring.

...Both magically and physically.

"Kyaaaa!"

A high pitched scream. It seems like she's back.

However, the rookie killers were far from being fully eliminated.

They encircled her with caution…

"Hah? Wha-? Why are they all around me? Alice, Ravi, help!"

"Komekko, run!" wailed the prince.

One particularly big rookie killer sprang at her, knocking her back with a body blow with it's sheer mass-

-Straight into my arms, gasping for air. She was much heavier than I thought, yet…

I stroked her blood-stained, crimson hair.

"Good work, that was unbelievably cool! Hush now...let nee-chan take care of things, okay?"

I rotated myself in front of Komekko, right before the angry rookie killers.

Revi stood by my side, his arm healed, crossbow ready.

My healing skills were already at work, but I can't do anything about her lost vitality.

As long as my healing staff works fast enough and they don't bite anywhere vital, I can probably do some good damage with the damage reflecting skill.

With Komekko out of service, it's pretty much the only way to get out of this alive.

That is, unless…

 _Groooowl-_

The rookie killers began charging directly toward us.

"Woaahh… Megumin nee-san please come save us!"

Even with my resistance buff, this is still probably going to hurt a lot.

I closed my eyes and prayed for the best-

…

 _Nyaaaaaan, hissssss…_

 _Groooowl… Nyaaa…_

But nothing happened.

* * *

" _Iris-sama, are you sure you want to skip your bath again today?"_

 _Claire asked through the bed chamber door disappointedly._

" _Indeed, my loyal guardian. Thank you for your care, even though I have come of age. That said, I will reiterate myself: I will bathe when I feel sufficiently worn. I have not been in any rigorous physical activities recently and wish to remain in the world of books for now."_

 _I have in fact been actively rejecting training sessions lest they find out that the blue adamantite armour is missing. Luckily, I was able to retrieve it and safely store it away in Uroburos for the time being._

" _U-understood, Iris-sama. Then, if I may ask, when do you plan on bathing again? You've been really into those textbooks recently; while I'm glad that you've finally become cooperative with Rain-dono, I… nevermind."_

 _Poor Claire, all she wanted was to sniff princess Iris' hair and… perhaps do some other less speakable things with her. Unfortunately, all she'd get from this Ragcraft puppet is a pungent scent of demonic presence._

" _Hmm, I do not plan on breaking from my studies for another six days; however, since I change my underwear daily, it'd be nice if you could wash them in the maids' stead. I'm sure you would do a better job than the commoners."_

" _Haa, haa- Thank you for your patience, princess-sama! I will do my best!"_

 _It's easy to keep perverts busy._

 _And six days should be enough for them to complete their little quest. If they can't, I'll just have to fetch them back and return them to their respective nations._

 _Punishing them was never my intent…_

 _Losing a few basic tames is next to nothing. I merely needed an excuse to test the mental strengths of the next generation of leaders._

* * *

 **Part 4**

* * *

I opened my eyes to see a strange sight;

The rookie killers were chasing each other in circles.

There's also one lying belly-up, kicking its legs in the air.

"[Charm]!"

A soft and high voice said.

High as in both pitch and location.

Immediately, the kicking rookie killer suddenly leapt to its feet and charged at his friends nearby, aggressively headbutting their… well, butts.

I looked up at the source of the voice and saw…

"Wahh! You're barely wearing clothes!"

Well, what Komekko just pointed out wasn't exactly wrong. A young-looking girl wearing very skimpy lingerie hovered above us.

The girl had an arrow-shaped tail and very large bat wings. She is most likely a demon

"Quick, get Komekko out of there first. More goblins and rookie-kittens must be on their way."

A familiar, spoiled voice also came.

The bat-winged girl swiftly picked up the exhausted Komekko and flew off.

That leaves…

"Alice, quick, get on my back. We'll make it out of this… Hey, what are you- whaa!?"

I then princess-carried Revi and ran.

"Stop trying to be romantic at this dire moment! You're the one with lower mobility stats!"

It was the only way for me to carry him. I won't lie, his taller stature is hard to ignore.

Although I did dream of being princess-carried by a larger man, I'd rather die than touch this boy's spoiled, corrupt hands.

"Hey! It's about time you started respecting me a little. I'm also a valuable member of the team, so put me down!"

He's saying that, but at the same time he's not showing any signs of discomfort.

"Shut up, heavy boy! You know you're enjoying this. But fine, I can put you down and let those rookie killers carry you in their mouths."

"...H-hey! Miss demon, could you kindly lend me a lift too!?"

* * *

As much as I appreciate the sudden assistance, I have my doubts.

First of all, there's no chance for a demon to be outside randomly during the day.

Second of all, she's clearly a _succubus_. She's obviously up to no good.

But succubi usually feed on men; what could she possibly want from a group of young girls?

Unless… she's _that_ kind of succubus.

"Um… sort of. I'm a succubus, nice to meet you all. Also, I'm not especially skilled at fighting or even an adventurer, sorry for the confusion… "

She's not even trying to hide her identity. How bold.

There's no reason to trust a succubus no matter what they did for us. Their entire existence is based around lying and manipulation.

Ignoring the awkward boy behind the succubus, I continued to ask;

"Nice to meet you, too, succubus-san! Now… why did you come to this remote farm in the middle of the day? …Nevermind that. You see, we're just humble beg-intermediate adventurers doing our quests; too busy to care about what you might have to kindly offer. So it'd be very nice if you could please leave us alone and go back to whatever the hell you were doing."

Look, I tried hard to be nice; but she's a succubus, one of the biggest enemies to women everywhere.

If I were still in my prime form, I would have slain her without question.

Hearing the aggression in my voice, even Revi put on a serious face and shifted between her and the defenceless Komekko.

"...R-Rorisa-san?"

!?

However, the little kid didn't seem intimidated in the slightest.

"You know her!?"

"Yeah! Rorisa-san is one of the succubus-es that come to feed me at the guild every day. She's great friends with- oh, nevermind. I don't know her!"

Everyone saw the succubus, apparently named "Rorisa", shake her head at Komekko in attempt to shut her up.

What dirty secrets do you have to hide?

We shot our combined, highly destructive glare of suspicion at her.

"W-whoa! Y-yes, I am Rorisa, I don't want to be here either, but… Please let me explain!"

She briefly told us the story of how she found us as we walked back for late lunch.

Apparently, she was the pink haired girl we saw at the guild last night.

While she was drinking, she saw Komekko uncharacteristically eating with a party and thus followed.

She claims that she was concerned for Komekko's safety, but I highly doubt that.

"Question seven: why were you, a succubus, drinking alcohol at the adventurers' guild?"

"Well since I l-live in that city I… have my highs and lows… "

"Why would you be living in the city?"

"Because… as you can tell, I… I work here. I'm a… waitress. At a… bakery. Uhm..."

I'm almost certain people would have noticed if a succubus was their waitress.

I would have noticed her during one of my many sneaky visits to Axel, yet…

No, something's definitely up with her.

"...If I may ask, could I join your party?"

"No!"

"Why not, Alice? She looks… like someone we could use! I mean, she doesn't sound evil and we've all seen how strong she is."

Of course you'd think that, Revi.

"No. I can't think of any safe reasons you'd want to join our party. I've never seen a single succubus in any party out of all the countless battles I've witnessed."

"Wow! Alice, where did you see all those battles!? I didn't know you were a seasoned veteran! Did you see big sis' explosions in any of them?"

Crap, I slipped.

So what? She's very unlikely to care about such minor details.

"Alice, easy, easy. Not everyone understands your metaphor. 'Succubus' in a 'battle'. Heh."

Thanks for the save, but I do not appreciate the way you did it.

"Well… if you let me join, I can show you more of those 'battles' but with real succubi! ...Only if you w-want it, that is."

Just what does she think she's getting herself into?

"Look Miss Rorisa, we don't need such service. We-"

"There are no gender restriction in dreams you know~"

Why would I care about such details!? I don't need you here and that's-

…Wait, no gender restrictions?

Does that mean I could simulate… with a guy?

A guy like… Kazuma-san…

No, no! She's a devil! You're a holy priestess! You mustn't be corrupted, Iris!

"Woah! I want to see battles! With multiple explosions! And lightnings! Mage versus mage! You have the grand crimson demon's vote, Rorisa-san!"

This stupid girl's blind enthusiasm isn't helping either.

And I don't even need to think to guess what that boy is thinking of right now.

This situation is truly Eris-sama's greatest test of faith… !

"...How about this; I'll allow you to follow us around and I'll decide if you're well-intentioned enough to join our ranks. Beware, I'm a priestess, so a single wrong move could win you a one-way ticket to Eris-sama in an instant."

"Hey, wait a minute. Since when were you the leader here? Why don't any of us get a say in the big decisions? I say we let her in ASAP! I mean, after all, we're of equal status, technically… "

Revi whispered the last part so only I could hear.

…

Technically, he's right. The prince is on par with, if not more powerful than, a princess.

"How should I put this. I am… more of a man than you. I'm actually a boy, you know. There's a reason I was so good with the… sword."

Revi instantly went silent.

Woah, a tough prince intimidated by such a silly joke?

"I'm just messing! Of course I'm a girl. How else could I have been the princess? Honestly, if you were only a little more reliable and took things seriously, I wouldn't have to carry this team… with my strategic planning."

Well, at least I tried to. I think deep down we all know that Komekko-chan was the real carry.

"Princess? Pfff, come on now, we aren't children anymore! But I won't discriminate; I wanted to be a princess too until I discovered the power of demons muahahaha! Ha, ha?"

"Ehh… Ha, haha. Yes, that's how this guy sees me. He's totally trying to impress me, just watch!"

Slipping a second time scared me for a while. In the end though, I managed to avoid the awkwardness and keep the conversation going.

"Impress you!? I told you that wasn't the reason I came to you for! I'm here to… to train…!"

Oh please, you know that you weren't.

* * *

 **Part 5**

* * *

We decided to head back to the guild to report our findings and get some dinner.

As we made it into town and were walking down the street however…

"Oi, isn't that..."

"Isn't she's covered in blood?"

Baleful stares followed us down the street, murmurs of discontent flowed.

Well sorry for being newbies! And as for her…

Looking at Komekko, we really do look like we went through a meat grinder. As we reached the Guild I turned around to say-

"Revi, would you mind staying out here with Komekko? You both are just too messy to take inside the hall. I'll take Rorisa in and report. We'll have takeouts tonight, I guess. And Komekko-chan! Great work today! You really showed them, woohoo! Whatever you want tonight, just tell nee-chan and you'll have them!"

I said smiling as sweetly as I could manage.

"... I'm tired. I'll have what you have. And stop talking to me like that, it's weirding me out."

I suddenly felt very guilty for my attitude. I guess even Komekko isn't in the mood for light-hearted jokes this evening.

 _Grrrrrrrrr-_

Komekko's stomach broke the silence.

I really wanted to blame someone for making her go through this, but I ended up finding nothing but my own weakness. That, and Revi in general.

"It's ok, Alice. I'll keep an eye on her." Revi said, as he ruffled her hair.

She's right, all we need is rest right now.

"Excuse me, I'd like to report on a quest! Also, on a major threat…"

Explaining the real situation and what occurred, Luna-dono went pale. Stammering effusively, she bowed to me deeply in apology.

Despite offers of an extra cash reward for dealing with the situation…

"...I'd also like to emphasize on the massive role Komekko-san played in this encounter. If anything, it'd be great if the guild could give her extra rewards."

I maintained a gentle smile while suppressing the onslaught of guilt.

Later, we officially included Rorisa into our party. But before we headed out…

"On behalf of myself and the guild staff, we would like to share our sincere apology for failing to verify the validity of quest A-17!"

… The entire staff of the guilds Axel branch was lined up before us, bowing deeply at the waist with enough takeout food for a week.

"I-I really don't think this is your fault! After all, you didn't create the quests, r-right?" Rorisa brought up an important point.

Luna-san, why are you looking so sheepish now?

" Aha...well…Truth be told, this isn't the first time that farmer has intentionally under reported the danger level to the guild… Old adventurers know his tricks, but newbies are often inexperienced and desperate enough to fall for it." She said, scratching at her cheek like Eris-sama does in some paintings of her.

…

This is a clear violation of the law. Fraudulent trade!

I need to make a mental list of people to imprison once I'm done with this mission.

"...Well, thanks! But… we really don't need this much food, there's no way we can carry it all."

"No worries, Alice-san! The guild staff will escort you home."

Luna said with a caring smile.

But something about the smile doesn't feel genuine. It's making my heart beat faster.

"Alice-san, thank you for letting me join your party… but I'll have to go home now, I have… things to do."

With that, Rorisa unfolded her wings and flew out a nearby window.

* * *

"...Zzzzzzzz….."

Outside the guild hall, Komekko was fast asleep, leaning against Revi's shoulder, drooling slightly.

Seeing the whole guild staff with me, Revi placed his index finger on his lips to keep us quiet.

With the still bloody Komekko on Revi's back, we headed for the mansion.

"Is it just me or are you also feeling uneasy?"

Everywhere we go, conversations would stop and people would stare at us with scrutiny.

"I… I think I'm just tired."

Can't wait to go home-

"Go now! Grab the child, I'll go for that archer!"

"What about the priestess?"

"Healers won't do crap unless you tip 'em thousands. Look at her, she hates her job!"

-!?

Before I could comprehend those sudden shouts, shadows charged straight through us…!

"Haa? Who- mmmph!"

Revi was attacked…!

"I got the kid! She's still asleep."

"I also got her! No, idiot, you took the backpack!"

"Whatever; everyone, after the dude!"

Suddenly, dozens of adventurers emerged from the roadside and piled on top of Revi.

"What did I do!? Alice, help!"

We definitely just got jumped. But why?

"Luna-san! People are attacking us! Luna-?" I tried to call for help, but the guild staff merely stood and watched from afar.

"Surround them before they can run! Don't let them get their hands on Komekko!"

Even more adventurers appeared and closed in on us!

What a scary scene to behold in the dim dusk…!

Do these people think we're kidnappers? Maybe even sexual predators!? Or are they trying to kidnap Komekko from us for some reason? D-did they find out about our true identities!?

"Where are you two from, and what are you planning to do with Komekko? Answer us, honestly!"

…They must have found out…

"I… I'm princess Iris from the capital of Belzerg, here to complete a special-"

"Pff- I said, answer honestly! Do you think this is a bloody joke!?" Their leader cut me off, holding back laughter.

Great, now I look like a mentally challenged idiot.

"We're just… normal… teenagers… trying to get into… adventuring- please let me stand up…!"

The big guys reluctantly made room to let Revi get back up.

"Adventuring, huh. You just had to snatch up this innocent girl and do _this_ to her, right!? You can't begin to understand how important she is to Axel, to this world! Wanna know who her sister is?"

I see… They must have misunderstood the blood splattered all over her body.

"Her sister… Her sister is a psycho monster loli who flattens entire mountains for her own entertainment! Just so you know what you're up against."

… I know right!? And that guy ditched me for… Nevermind.

"Now! If you've got no excuses, we're-"

"If you're wondering about the blood… it's… not hers. It's mine." Revi said with a heavy face.

The crowd audibly gasped.

"We were taking her out to play. Poor girl just wanted to see some 'adventurer stuff'… so we thought we might as well slay some goblins for her entertainment." I played along; putting on a regretful expression.

I got your back, Revi. Just for this time, though.

"Yeah… Then… those damn rookie… killers. They were headed straight for her. As a newbie archer… what could I do but… be her shield?"

Words cannot express how much I want to puke right now.

Murmurs came from the surrounding crowd;

"Is he actually a hero? Komekko doesn't seem to be in pain…"

"To lose this much blood and make it back alive… the priestess must be crazy good!"

"I don't know man, this boy doesn't look like the kind who would protect others."

"Nah, his clothes are clean…"

Then suddenly-

"Waah!? What's going on!? Put me down!"

The devil herself woke up and spoke!

"Komekko-chan! Are you alright? Your hymen is still fine, right?"

"Tell us, what happened today? What did these two degenerates do to you!? Tell papa and they're good as dead!"

"Come give momma a hug! Momma hasn't fed you all day…"

By all that's holy, these people have a pretty unhealthy obsession with her.

"Shut up! I'm tired and I want to sleep. And eat. And sleep, in that order. Alice-san, Ravi-san, let's leave these people and move."

The crowd was shocked as she casually walked away.

"S-so, to clarify, the blood really isn't yours?"

"...No-? I killed some rookie killers and got myself dirty. Why would you think that? I'm not defenseless, you know."

Thankfully, Komekko is Based and saved me from trouble.

On the other hand, Revi's outlook isn't as good.

"...Ahh, so they didn't do anything weird to you. We just wanted to make sure you were safe."

Really? All of that threatening was for this unnecessary worry?

"Ughh! I don't want to see you guys right now! What is with this attitude!? Can't I go anywhere without twenty people constantly following me!? Yeah, sorry I lied, I'm 11 not 10. Yes you heard it, dear sweet innocent Komekko-chan is not a kid anymore. Shoo."

Wow, this is the first time I've heard Komekko speak this way. It's almost like… she's a normal person.

A normal Crimson Demon? Can you believe that?

Her sudden outburst was faced with silence.

"Muahahahahaha! My oh my, moi can already tell that tonight will be a good night. Have fun, everyone." A familiar laugh broke the silence.

What is this smug fortune teller doing here!? What does he mean by "good"!?

Nothing good can come of this, that I'm sure of.

"We're so sorry, Komekko-san! We really just wanted to keep you safe. Everyone! Show some respect to our no-longer-a-kid Komekko!"

The crowd synchronously bowed in front of what seems to be their new princess. Not an uncommon sight for me, of course~

Komekko, in response, smiled for the first time since returning.

"Anyways… This guy still lied to us though. What do we do about him?"

With a single sentence, I sent Revi back into panic mode.

"I figured ever since this shady boy came into this town. So, Lady Komekko, what shall we do about this liar?"

Komekko looked down and thought on it briefly.

I have a terrible feeling about this.

"Fuhuhu… The devil wants to hear some singing."

* * *

Komekko and I had a great night's sleep.

As for the other guy…

Luna-san and company escorted me back first, leaving him behind-forced to sing Crimson Demon nursery rhymes for Komekko at fist-point.

The rhymes sounded more like dark magic resurrection chants than anything else.

Nevertheless, Komekko enjoyed it greatly; especially with all the food those adventurers later brought in.

Still! Today is going to be yet another day of great progress.

We'll start by buying some upgraded equipment and use them to complete a harder quest.

"Walk faster, lazy prince! Rorisa's waiting for us in her mage outfit. I can't wait to see it!"

"Don't talk to me. I can't believe you betrayed me."

On our way to the shop.

"I thought your singing was pretty good. You have great potential as a Crimson Demon."

"At least Crimson Demons don't betray people!"

Did you forget who wanted you to sing in the first place?

Anyhow.

See, I have grown disturbingly accustomed to this skimpy, poor excuse of healer armor.

I guess the whole "mobility" argument wasn't entirely false; I do run faster wearing next to nothing at all, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to escape those rookie killers for sure.

Though compared to this, I'd much rather keep my speed up through skills instead.

"Good morning my beloved loyal customers! You are the 10th to visit my store today, so enjoy your 20% discount!"

The store clerk greeted us from meters away.

"No, I'm serious! You guys are really the 10th to visit my shop in this whole day! Please don't leave…"

Talk about a struggling business. I can't personally see any problems, but maybe this prince of economics knows a thing or two.

"We're not leaving! We're here to buy new equipment, madam! The beginning gear you recommended last time worked wonderfully!"

Even though not wearing armor at all would probably have given us the same results.

"Oh thank Eris! How were your first experiences with adventuring? Was it harsh? Did it force the two of you into any desperate moments where you had to either hold hands or risk dying? Did you two get into any tight spots where you could hear each other's breaths… Oh excuse me. Here, go have a look at my new line of products."

If I ever get into that kind of situation with Revi, I would rather kill myself.

"Ah, th-thanks. We're just here to look for some basic light metal armor that our new stats can carry."

I responded as I walked off into the depths of the store.

From behind me, I could hear Revi striking up a conversation.

"You know, part of this unpopularity is clearly caused by your lack of proper advertising. See, your ads look exactly the same as the other stores'; you need to… "

A teenage boy lecturing a woman in her 30's. What a sight to behold.

And yet something tells me she's going to eagerly believe him anyway.

Looking at the lineup of healer clothing, I was mesmerized by the impressive colours and details in design.

I'm searching for the more heavily plated types that would allow me to tank more damage; they would resonate well with my damage reflect skill.

However, I noticed some interesting trends.

First was that the higher level armors included increasing amounts of gold and jewels.

Understandable, but…

While the armor suits look more fancy, they cover less and less skin as the tiers get higher.

… Of course, because the blacksmiths are all male.

Yet I still see some healers wearing them, which puzzles me. So I went back to the shopkeep to ask some important questions.

"Ah… We don't have any blue plate armor that's also light enough for beginners, I'm sorry. However, if you wish, we could dye some lower tier leather or chainmail armor blue and add papier mache- Oh, hey there! Any questions? Need relationship advice?"

"I'm not quite sure why he's asking about papier mache, but why are all the healer armor sets so… Um… Breathable?"

"Ah, it's simple. High level healers often have so many points on their defense stats that physical armour provides negligible protection. Of course, they don't know that, so we kind of rely on the placebo effect…"

"Hey! Don't just leak your industry secrets like that! That's how you get even less profit from your already struggling business! Now everyone will know and boycott high tier armor!"

I didn't know you co-owned this shop, Revi.

"Ah… thanks for reminding me. See, healer armor sets have higher emphasis on mobility boosting overall, much like thief gear. And…while I do recommend the more 'breathable' options for the sake of your teammate, you could try out some of the rogue armor plates; those are light yet effective."

Now I'm seriously suspecting that this shop in indeed affiliated with Revi. I must conduct an investigation when I return to Belzerg.

* * *

Later.

While I did find some great deals for very fitting and durable rogue armor...

"Whoa, all those cutouts… didn't you want something highly protective? The lady even told you their dirty industry secrets!"

"Shut up! I wear what I want!"

Some part of me, deep inside, did care about my appearance. I was entering my period of "most sexy years"; wasting it would be a shame.

Plus, strictly speaking, this body isn't even completely mine.

Not that I'm trying to compete with other girls; that's just immature.

"Hey, speaking of which, why did you… how much clothes did you buy!?"

Revi was walking beside me, holding a large basket of what seems to be deep-blue colored items of clothing.

"Ah… these? No worries, they weren't… _that_ expensive. They are backups. Move along."

Well, I guess since he has the money…

Soon, we were back home. Not for long, because we plan to head out into the wild again this afternoon.

I quickly hid into my room to put on the new healer armor, which happens to have more cutouts than metal, as Revi pointed out.

The armor set was in fact designed for the fairy class, not the priest class. I chose it because most intermediate priest sets are robes that offer little real protection.

Of course, there's also the… _other factor_.

But in the end, I figured that fairies were the closest to battle-priests, as they are both suited for frontline presence.

I peeked out one last time to ensure that accidents won't happen…

"... Wow! Thank you nii-chan! I mean… Hmmph, ahem, your gift pleases the Red…"

Komekko was getting all excited for some reason. Maybe Revi bought a secret gift for her.

…

That's nice of him, I guess.

I sighed, and began to remove the newbie priest robe I've worn for two days.

It's really not as lewd as Revi made it; it covers everything except my upper back and is also slightly low-cut.

As I unbuttoned and unwrapped the clothing, I was surprised by how simple adventuring gear is compared to any royal outfit.

Despite being rather complex and tedious to remove, the robe was essentially the only thing I wore. Other than my panties, of course.

Only two items of clothing… I would not hold well against Kazuma-san's "steal".

I let the robe fall to the floor.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the bedside mirror. Or more specifically, the figure standing in it.

I guess the curse didn't alter my physical form a whole lot.

If it wasn't for my blue hair, I would look just like a princess.

Or rather, if it weren't for a princess' fancy dress and blonde hair, she'd look just like a regular adventurer.

Maybe I was never that far from the adventuring life after all.

…

Fine, I'll come to terms with myself. I bought this armor so I could feel like a magical girl. I'm not a princess in this state anyway; I can present my body however I want without judgement!

With that, I did a little twirl before the mirror and went about putting the plated swimsuit of an armor set on.

It came with a pair of wings for fairies to fly, but since my job is different, I cannot use them.

Functionally useless, but I ain't complaining.

"Everyone ready? The healer's here!"

I swung the door open to find…

"Great! That fits perfectly. Now, it's a bit heavy, but could you hold this sword and do this pose and say 'I will always fight by your side, my prince'?"

"Hmm, what a weird line to say. But alright! As long as the devil gets a good meal for lunch, she won't disappoint!"

"You two! What's going on here!?"

…Komekko was wearing a suit of blue armor bearing uncanny resemblance to the armor I wore as the princess.

So that's what that basket of blue clothes was.

And now Revi is telling her to pose with _my_ sword while saying such a line.

"Oh hey Alice! What do you think of Komekko's new combat outfit? It's modelled after the very armour the princess of Belzerg wore to slay a dragon! We're big fans of her. What do you think?"

"I think… it looks fantastic! I heard she only offered to undertake such a task for the noble cause of rebuilding the financial support chain for her economically crippled, frontline military nation. And guess who suggested it for a lack of better judgement under the influence of an undercover demon? None other than the spoiled prince of Elroad. Totally not a fan of that dude."

"Whoaaa, big words, too fast! Slay a dragon? Military nation!? Komekko can't digest all this information…teehee."

The demonic archwizard giggled at her own joke.

Revi, however, seems unphased by my onslaught of disrespect.

"Ay! Know what you can digest about now? A nice meal for lunch. Let's go for food and meet up with Rorisa-san, Iris Junior!"

"Consider yourself dead, whatever we're gonna fight in the afternoon! As the princess, I will use the power of this holy sword to its full extent to destroy you! Take this-eh!? Waa? Haa!?" Komekko tried to swing the Excalibur only to lose her footing.

"Careful, princess! Are you alright?" Revi then picked Komekko up in a princess carry.

"Uwaa, screw this heavy thing… Iris Jr. shall turn to dark magic for aid instead."

I can't believe what I'm witnessing.

She even ditched her Red Devil persona to go along with Revi's sick gag.

I didn't sign up for any of this-!

* * *

 **Part 6**

* * *

"I can't believe this."

I groaned the moment I saw the quest board.

"There are no low level quests left. Not even the mundane ones. How is this possible?"

The mostly vacant board has only a few posters still nailed on it.

And every one of those has stamps on them, indicating that they are either taken or completed.

"Well… there was a period of time when Luna-san had Sylphina-chan say encouraging words to reward those who completed annoying quests. With that soft voice of hers…well…"

Rorisa explained to us, now in her blue witch dress.

She looks very cute in it, I have to say. I wonder if she's ever baited male adventurers by pretending to be a beginner witch.

At least we won't catch any attention this way.

"There aren't even any vegetable harvesting quests when it's only spring."

Though, what are we supposed to do without quests?

Or a better question is, how do we continue to level up without quest rewards?

"Sources of experience… Include…" I thought out loud.

"Onion ducks!" Komekko immediately yelled.

"...Extinct as of last year. A certain party killed the last significant population in Elroad."

"Ehh!? Bu-but who would kill such cute animals? I used to eat them all the time with big sis! She leveled up so quickly because of them… "

I think you just answered your own question, Komekko.

"...Right, certain infused food items can also increase xp. Know a place where we could get those?"

"We're not Kazuma, we don't have time for that!"

Even the most magical food items can only provide a trickle of xp compared to any sort of combat.

"Whoa there, no need to namedrop just because you're jealous of Komekko-chan's new outfit!"

"Iris-sama wants to explore a dungeon!"

Komekko suddenly interrupted our argument, pointing at a completed dungeon raid quest.

"B-but Kome-princess, there is nothing to gain from there!"

"I don't care! Dungeons are the coolest! Even if they're empty!"

"Komekko, sorry but… we have to focus on leveling up for now so that we are prepared to visit the ruins!"

"Ruins!? What ruins!? You never told me about going to any ruins!"

Right, we haven't told anyone about our secret mission yet.

"That, we will go over eventually. For now, we just need to level up. Maybe not you, but us two at least…"

We will have to explain it sooner or later. The story is too long to tell out here in public.

"Umm… maybe unwinding a bit today won't be such a bad idea. W-what I mean is, Komekko-san must still be quite exhausted from yesterday's battle; so… I think it'd be fine if we went to a deserted dungeon as a vacation." Rorisa suggested, smiling down at Komekko.

Do older demons often tend to care for younger ones? Does she know that this girl is in fact possessed by something much grander?

Also…

"Dungeon vacations!? How could you so calmly suggest something this hardcore!? Ko-princess, are you sure you're alright with this?"

I have to agree with Revi here. No matter for how long a dungeon has been deserted, I will never feel comfortable in such high concentrations of dark aura.

"Yeah… if you want to properly rest, we could travel to somewhere more suitable- we could take you to the capital! It's a very mesmerizing place!"

"Hmmph, are you two afraid of the dark? Pansies! The princess wants to experience authentic demonic architecture. You must be excited too, right Rorisa-san?"

The small succubus nodded in an uncharacteristically motherly manner.

Needless to say, we're in front of a dungeon now.

The argument went in our favour until Komekko decided to abuse her stare of death.

"Fuaa~ I can just feel the ominous, chilly wind blowing out from the depths! Let's go in!"

The dungeon had a rather small, withered-down entrance; it must have been a rather insignificant hideout with not much loot.

"Ehh? Princess, your reaction is scaring me more than this dungeon is! … Are you sure you're not about to betray us and transform into the villain once we're inside?"

Oh, and that boy is still running with that stupid gag.

He's trying to wipe the last traces of my former identity off this world.

"A-Alice? Are you coming? What made you look so angry? It's really empty, I promise! I feel no demonic presence at all, so…"

At least Rorisa, the newest member of our party, still cares about me.

Annoy me all you want, but giving the royal Excalibur to this little unholy witch is unacceptable!

"Ravi! If you love the princess so much, why don't you marry her!?" I stormed down the brick stairs.

Wasn't he supposed to like _me_!?

"Whoa! Don't just assume our relationship! Could you be jealous that you can't find a man? By the way, if Komekko-chan is fine with it, I'd totally be her boyfriend!"

When did it become your turn to play hard-to-get!?I don't quite understand this development!

"But you can't argue that the sword is mine!"

"I never argued that! But Komekko, you love that sword, don't you?"

Komekko looked at me quizzically. Then at Revi.

"Hmm… You called Alice 'Iris' earlier when we were fighting goblins… That was a coincidence, right?"

To ask such a troublesome question while we're in a dark dungeon…

Komekko's red eyes are the only features visible in the dim corridor. It somehow makes me feel strongly intimidated.

"Hmm… Shortly put, I am indeed princess Iris of Belzerg. It's a long story why I'm here but-"

"Of course it's a coincidence! This girl has a bad case of chuunibyou, almost as bad as you girls! That's right, she's just a dreamy girl who really likes princess Iris. I called her by that name in the same way I called you; I was joking."

I never quite appreciated how impossible it is for me to prove my former identity until now.

Without any skills and with this embarrassing adventurer's card, I must look like some insane fangirl.

But that does not stop me from defending my honor!

"Oh you know that I am! why don't you explain how you found me and ended up here together?"

But before he could fire back…

"D-do any of you know Kazuma-san? I heard Alice mention his name earlier…"

Rorisa suddenly asked something important.

We abruptly stopped in the middle of a large, pitch-dark room.

"The better question is, why do you know him? You're a succubus, aren't you supposed to be his enemy?"

"It's…kind of a long story. [Ghost flame]."

A violet glowing ball of fire hovered from her palm, illuminating the dungeon chamber.

"The story is pretty long on our side too… "

Thankfully, Revi seems willing to drop his childish play and fess up.

"Wow! Campfire story time came early! Not that I'm complaining."

"Komekko! This isn't a joke! It's important for you to know the truth, too; so listen! To start, I am princess Iris of Belzerg and my partner here is prince Revi of Elroad. We were… _kidnapped_ , by this apparent goddess named 'Regina' and body-swapped-at least that's what I believe happened-into our current form. In these forms, we are regular humans with no skills or genetic advantages. The only way she'll turn us back is if we go to the ruins of Nord and retrieve a magic item for her. Problem is; Nord is too dangerous for beginners, so here we are."

Now that I've said it out loud, the whole story only became more absurd to me. Why would she kidnap _us_ to get the magic item? Why didn't anyone else find her town before us? If she's really a goddess, couldn't she simply teleport using her godly powers and get it herself?

"Lady Regina? What did she look like? Is she a tall woman wearing lots of magenta clothes? Did she have _this_ symbol anywhere?"

Excited, Rorisa made two "8"s with her fingers and overlapped them.

"Uhmmm… Everything you just described matches perfectly-except her height. I wouldn't call her tall. Oh, she also seemed pretty obsessed with law, rather intimidating."

Of course a corrupt person would find law intimidating.

"I believe you; I believe that really was Lady Regina. We succubi were once her apprentices in manipulation and mind-bending before… a lot of things happened. Anyways, h-how did you find out about Kazuma-san?"

Oh no, she inevitably poked the massive sore spot.

Thinking back, didn't I long to adventure before this? What happened to my enthusiasm…?

I blame this immensely obnoxious Revi guy. Him and the damn toads.

"I'm sure you've heard about the extremely successful job he did as my bodyguard in Elroad, yes? Remember when the news of me slaying a dragon went all around? Yeah, that's how I got to know him."

Actually, it was the moment he dashed through my bedroom wearing a mask that I _really_ got to know him.

"...I see… I'm not supposed to tell females about this; essentially, we succubi have a 'special' cafe that… um… 'serves' the male customers with… 'delicious meals' at night-you get the rest! He used to go there, a-and I… 'served' him a lot…"

Rorisa grew increasingly embarrassed as she went on.

"Whooa, why does your cafe only serve men? I think your snacks are great! You should definitely let more girls in! Like me, hehe."

Unbelievable.

If I'm understanding this right, those succubi are… using their natural abilities to _please_ men and doing it for profit!? And Kazuma apparently went there a lot!?

W-what a scumbag. I have to take notes.

"Ah, no worries, Komekko-chan. Females don't get along with us very well… but we will always try our best to make great snacks for you!"

Rorisa caringly stroked Komekko's hair. What a heartwarming scene, despite the strangely arousing pink light emanating from the ghost flame.

"W-wait, so about that cafe… Where exactly is it? When will it be open? I'm uh… I'll help you expand your cafe into a international chain if you want! Ow!"

What a disgusting excuse. I elbowed Revi hard in the side.

"Well, it seems that the prin-no, Red Devil? Hmm, ah-the _Red Princess_ ' predictions were correct after all; nee-san and nii-san really are a real prince and princess! Hah, I knew it from the start! I was just testing you all!"

Komekko put on a smug smile as she spoke. This vacation is turning out better than I thought.

Maybe it's because I got a big rock off my chest; I'm feeling much more accepting of the current situation.

"I knew you were smart, Red Princess! We should all listen to you more, right Rorisa?"

Revi also seems to be enjoying this, but probably for a different reason.

In response, Rorisa-

"[Paralyze]!"

-suddenly casted a spell across the room.

"Huh!?"

Behind Revi, a multi-legged shadow twitched and curled up into a ball.

"That's… a big spider."

Well, the spider itself isn't big-it just has extremely long, hairy legs. The worst kind.

"I thought this dungeon was supposed to be empty! Where are these coming from!?" Revi yelped as he pointed at a nearby corridor.

Sure enough, my "detect enemy" skill is picking up a whole stream of spiders coming our way.

"Wow! Stuff to kill! This place is awesome! Take this-[Fireball]!"

Komekko only got more excited. When in doubt, kill it with fire, alright.

"Komekko, come back! This was supposed to be a vacation… My bow is useless against these pests!"

Oi. Aren't you supposed to be more worried for the person with basically no offensive skills at all!?

"Interesting… these creatures emit no demonic auras… They must not be associated with this dungeon at all."

Rorisa deducted as she sped after Komekko. I promptly followed.

"Haha! Die you lowly bugs! Cower before the powerful devil!"

Komekko's voice echoed down the hallway as she lit the place up with fire.

"Not from this dungeon? Then… where else could they come from? Did they crawl in from the surface and settle here?"

"Not typically… Dungeons are cursed to repel all foreign creatures, which is why you feel the eerie draft at the entrance."

"But judging by the numbers, they clearly didn't get here by accident."

Just as I was pondering-

"Komekko! Watch the floor!" Revi screamed as Rorisa swooped down…

… into a patch of darkness on the ground.

"Uwaaa! Good news, I found where they're coming from! Bad news…" Komekko looked down at a gaping hole on the floor.

Upon closer inspection, hundreds of eyes can be seen on the bottom of the hole, accompanied by an enveloping sound of crawling.

It seems that the corridor was built over a natural cavern. Over time, some bricks on the floor weakened, and collapsed down into the space below.

For some reason, the cave in question is infested with spiders. Luckily, Rorisa was able catch Komekko on her way down.

"Those must be spider golems. They feed on cursed materials and anything with demonic auras, such as bricks in a dungeon. They are easy to kill but are very annoying for devil architects… Oh, they also lay eggs in any creature they can find." Rorisa recalled with fear on her face.

What kind of monster is this!? Why would they hunt down demonic things? Dark emotions? What are they, designed by Vanir-san!?

I took a good moment to fully appreciate the sheer scariness of this scene before me.

"Ughhhhh that is disgusting!" x2

It's certainly been a while since Revi and I last shared a 'x2' moment.

"Right… I should be more careful about charging into things…" Komekko murmured, visibly shocked.

"Everyone, I have a brave idea."

Out of nowhere, this corrupt prince suddenly made an alarming comment.

"...We needed experience, right?"

* * *

The idea is to take advantage of the sheer number of chuuni spiders to quickly gain experience.

We will use Rorisa's demonic aura to attract and condense as many of them as possible into the cave below the opening; in addition, I will line the hole with holy water to prevent them from climbing out.

After a whole night of gathering, we will attack simultaneously to harvest hundreds of them for experience.

But we're also faced with a big dilemma.

...Where do we spend the night?

We could either go home, sleep in our large beds and leave Rorisa here alone for the night, or…

Risk our lives and sleep in this cold, scary dungeon.

The choice was obvious.

Rorisa is a succubus herself, she could navigate the dungeon as if her own home.

Of course we ended up staying in the dungeon because this chuuni kid had a thing against comfy beds. According to her, 'Why sleep in a bed when you have the chance to camp in a _freakin_ ' _dungeon_ [sic] with your new friends[sic]?'

"Wow, Revi-san! That's amazing! Could you do it again?" Komekko exclaimed.

The cold dungeon room became almost home-like after a campfire was lit and some sleeping bags laid down.

Oh, Revi also took out his shiny, fancy foldable bathtub, which Komekko seems very fascinated by.

"As everyone may have guessed, us royals are very clean individuals. I have bought this convenient portable bath specifically for cases like this." Revi spoke with a sudden, unexplained accent.

Baths are nice and all, but…

"Oi, couldn't you have spent those 7 million Eris on something more practical!? Like, a sword or something?"

"Oh, 'tis but a drop in the bucket. Unlike your bankrupt fighting nation, us Elroadians have far more finesse and are thus much richer."

How about you stop with that accent first before trying to ridicule my people!

"Speaking of drops…this fine magic item is able to fill itself by drawing water out of thin air. Ladies first, enjoy your bath."

And he just completely exposed his ulterior motive.

This guy. He bought this expensive portable bath just to get the chance of seeing us ladies undress and bathe with his equipment.

We get that being the only guy in a party must be tough, but this is unacceptable and your stupid accent won't change that!

"Komekko, don't fall for this guy's-"

"Bathing! I always used to bath with my nee-chan… Iris-san, shall we go in together?"

" _K-Komekko! Waaaaait!"_

This overexcited naive child is already undressing!

"No! Don't fall for this boy's perverted tricks! He just wants to watch you bathe!"

I rushed to cover this hopeless guy's eyes, but soon…

"...Is that...a bathing suit?"

Komekko turned to me questioningly.

"This? No, it's my super demon fighting suit. Cool huh? Hehe"

No, that is clearly a two piece swimsuit designed to look like underwear.

"Nii-chan had it made just for me! Isn't it cute?"

With that, she turned around and showed it off, bat print bottom and all.

Swimsuit? With prints on it!? Is this the kind of fashion commoners have?

Though I've worn silk underwear with diamonds and sapphires embedded in ornate patterns, I still can't help but feel a little jealous of the bold design.

Wait.

 _Nii-chan_!?

My hands went from Revi's eyes to his throat, throttling him.

"...just what _ELSE_ did you buy for her hmmmm?"

"Gaaaaaack…...it waasssssnt meeeeeee!"

So, Kazuma-san huh? Well...I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

"Yup, nii-chan is so sweet! ...But these seem really precious to him so…"

Don't take the rest off now!

And of course this damn prince is starting to nosebleed.

"Ah, Komekko-chan! Look! Revi-san is hurt! What does he need right now? Say it out loud!"

"Wow, he is bleeding… Umm, some paper! Bandages!"

"...No, where do you lie down to rest? What do you do on it?"

"The… bed? Nee-chan taught me about some 'important' things I must learn to do on the bed, but I wasn't paying attention… "

"No… not that! You know what, just say 'sleep' for me!"

"S-[Sleep]?"

And thus the pervert has been taken care of… for the moment.

"Um, Iris-san? If you don't mind… I can keep an eye on him. Demons don't need to bath after all…"

Oh? Didn't know that, but it's convenient!

"Okay, thank you! Just make sure the twerp stays back here till we are done."

Rorisa plopped down beside him as I headed back.

* * *

"An opening!"

 _GACK_

Ok, I know I can dry my clothes with magic, but I wasn't looking to get them soaked.

Rather, this loli is really asking for it, ambushing me!

"Uwaaaaaa, Iris-chan looks maaaaaaad! Whatever will this devil dooooooo?"

"...Challenging me to a water-fight, you really have some guts!"

"...Ehh!?"

"One moment please..."

"Why is Iris-chan grinning at me with such an expression as she takes her clothes off, wait, the devil calls a truce.. _.Gyahhh_!"

It was my victory!

None may stand against the royal tickle technique passed down through generations.

It was good the water level did not drop as we splashed several liters out of the magic tub.

After Komekko's unconditional surrender, we got about to properly bathing.

"This is real princess hair huh? It's very pretty, but doesn't feel too different than mine or nee-chan's…" Komekko mumbled as she shampooed my hair.

… While my real hair is still lost in the cosmos, she does bring up a good point.

"Royalty are still only human. When it comes down to it, aren't you crimson demons actually closer to being a 'special existence?"

"Hmm...well, no one really knows how it happened, but we crimsons demons have usually been shunned from the outside world for some reason… N-not that I'm lonely or anything! … But I see it with the other nee-chans. They work so hard to find a permanent party, even when they are so strong! It's almost like...being so great and cool is…bad?"

Well, to be honest, I wouldn't have let her join if not for Regina-sama mentioning Crimson Demons… But! I _can_ sympathize in my own way.

Being treated as an extraordinary existence, like some untouchable flower on a hilltop. Like some invisible wall stood between you and everyone else… Until said wall comes down, somehow.

Ugh, and _his_ face just had to pop up in my mind again… !

"Mnn, why is A-Iris-chan smiling?"

Iris- _chan_ is just glad she has real friends now.

I don't really know myself, but-

I get it!

"Bwahahahahaha, stooop, stahp, I already surrendered! Nooooo!"

Lolis really are great, aren't they?

* * *

"...Actually, Revi-san...There was a matter I wanted to discuss with you…"

It seems like Revi has woken from his much needed nap.

"...So, really, I'm at a crossroads here, Rorisa-san. It really will help me out too if I can...Oh! You two done now?"

These two seem to be getting along just fine too!

A-am I the only one he's being awkward with!?

"Nii-chan, Nii-chan! Looky, The devil and the princess are sparkly clean!"

Revi came back round the corner with my permission.

Yeah, I thought he'd react like this.

"G...good, I was tired of waiting. No way I was eagerly listening to you two frolic like water nymphs!"

As we stood before him wrapped in our towels and carrying our cloths, this prince isn't even trying to hide his thoughts as he stammered red faced all the way to the tips of his ears.

It's ok, I'm alright with providing this level of service.

I just wish jailbait here would stop posing and pirouetting non-stop next to me!

"Just go and get your bath done! And if you peek on this side before we come back… You'll be sleeping for a good while longer."

"G-got it!" He ran off.

"Sorry you had to play 'prince sitter' Rorisa-san. As you can see with such temptations around...better safe than sorry," I said, shrugging.

"Ahh, that is quite alright, Iris-san. It wasn't wasted time anyhow. I had… some things… to discuss with him, and the 'negotiations' turned out fruitful."

"Oh, right, that's good then! Haha."

Whatever, It has nothing to do with me.

Wait!

Before he can enjoy his warm bath…

I peeked around the corner, to catch him about to pull down his underpants.

….

My eyes drifted to the wet towel strapped around my body.

Just now, I came up with a brave idea for getting him back for all the teasing he's done.

I quietly unwrapped the towel and twisted it into a rope and…

His pants are down. It's the perfect storm.

 _ **SNAP!**_

"Fu-! AAaaaahhh!"

Wow, Revi; I didn't know you were a hobbyist high jump athlete!

"What was that!? Something just bit my-"

Before he could finish, he was greeted with me wearing nothing. Nothing, that is, except a towel pressed against my groin and my elbow across my chest.

With a wink, I turned my back on him and strode away.

A real princess is more than a suit of armor, superficial boy!

* * *

Dinner was provided by more expensive magical wares.

Revi seems to have acquired a full field-kitchen-in-a-box item, clearly something of the national asset level to boot.

The wholesome meal made me very sleepy.

I'll probably fall asleep in the next few seconds.

Normally, a party would have to take turns being on watch through the night, but thankfully Rorisa-san has no need for sleep, and has a natural affinity for driving away lesser monsters or undead.

That means I can sleep easy.

Or, so I thought…

"Mnnn…Nee-chan…"

This little demon is a thumbsucker and a cuddler, it seems.

Our sleeping bags where side-by-side, so it didn't take much movement on her part to start spooning me.

It's not hard to picture her sleeping with a teddy bear every night.

And it's even harder to realize that I still do this. Of course, I will never tell anyone that.

"...Fuu…Huaaa…"

…Though I'll have to admit, her breathing is rather adorable.

Is this what I sounded like whenever I slept?

I...I think I get Kazuma-san now.

I'd much rather listen to this than…

"ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz… _Hic_ -zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-"

Across the passageway from us way Revi snoring away in his bag, with Rorisa watching the fire.

This is one problem I've never dealt with before.

…I guess I'll count toads.

…

I think I'm at 200 toads at this point. And I thought my bath would have helped.

"Zzzzzzzzz-Iri-"

Hmm?

"-You really are…"

…What grand revelation are you about to make at a time like this? That I'm beautiful? That you still love me?

I inwardly shuddered at the cheesiness of my own imagination. I really could use some better novels to read-

"-ris is wonderful… in her own, bratty way. I even feel that…"

I opened my eyes.

The fire had died down to embers, giving off a warm glow that only faintly illuminated our chosen site.

"...I've admired you ever since..mnnn….You really...moved..."

Oh please don't tell me…

 _Sleep talking? Really!?_

This prince is kind of…

…I guess, he's just being a _boy_.

Coming to think about it, what am I even expecting from him? Boys generally like girls, and that's normal.

Sure, he's a twerp, and perv and a hopeless weakling… But he isn't all bad.

And all the social pressure around a prince "chasing down" and "earning the heart" of a princess doesn't help either.

I almost feel guilty hearing what's supposed to be his innermost, deepest thoughts.

I very delicately extricated myself from Komekko's night time glomp, and crept over to him in order to better eavesdrop, I mean spy… I mean…shifting to a more comfortable position.

If he was just gonna pour his little heart out to me here, who am I to judge?

"...knew, then and there that I…"

Yeah, I pretty much guessed all this, but still it feels pretty nice to hear!

It's kind of cute in a special, wicked way.

"Mnnnnn…yeah…like...that…oh…mnnn…"

… Alright, stay calm, don't judge too quickly. He's clearly just-

"...Just like that… mnn…"

-He's having one of _those_ dreams.

Now, I really should respect his privacy, and put away this notepad I've been furiously writing on.

"...N-no just for tonight babe… Everything's gone in the morning okay?"

Is this my fault for teasing him like I did?

"Oh…ah… Komekko…"

…I think just heard something incredible.

"...-ver since I saw you, I felt…"

 _Excuse me!?_

"...Impressed me...to my very…I even…"

Ahh, I see.

It's okay to admire such a flamboyant and powerful girl. She's probably the strongest girl in the nation, _besides me_.

"...royals…different…"

Royals?

"...at a mere…age of…"

Say what now!?

"-so, it'll be alright ..."

Alright your face! I'm not sure what you're suggesting, but I'll have none of it!

"Zzzzzz… zzz-Wha? What the hell?!"

"Ahh, you seemed thirsty over here, so I brought my canteen over. I'm so sorry. Oh, and you can clean that up yourself without my magic."

"Excuse me, but could you two keep it down, Kome-tan is a deep sleeper, but this much yelling could wake her. Also, you'll draw monsters you know?"

Rorisa sat behind me, regarding us with a deadpan expression.

"Ahh, sorry, I was just helping the poor prince out. He's never lacked for attendants to wait on his every need so…"

"Like hell! Um, actually…I do want to thank Rorisa-san for…well… 'looking after me' tonight, I greatly appreciate her time."

Why is he licking the boot of a succubus?

"No problem, Revi-san. Apologies! Keeping my monster repellant field up kept me from looking any 'deeper'...We can do it again 'properly' when we get back to Axel."

"...E-eehhh? Really?"

Revi looks completely at a loss, eyes wide as he glanced furtively back and forth between each of us.

Do… what exactly?

Does she somehow have to do with the dream talking earlier?

I just wanted to adventure; but this guy's hormones are making everything 10 times harder.

Is it impossible, or at least very hard, for a party of mixed genders to stay platonic?

Settling back into my bag, I cuddled and glomped seemingly reflexively. Closing my eyes, Kazuma's tale of "Dark_Angel" drifted through my fading consciousness.

Except… something felt off about it this time.

Instead of the "princess", Kazuma and his powerful guild I've always pictured…

I saw Komekko and Revi.

* * *

Next morning.

"...Can we go home now?"

A royal zombie greated me early in the morning.

"T-[Turn undead]!"

" _Gyaaaahhhh!_ "

Revi jumped as the spell's light surrounded him, although not as high as he had last night.

"Rough night, prince something something wannabe Casanova?"

"Ummmm… While I appreciate the joke, p-please be mindful that spell can hurt innocent bystanders…such as myself-!"

Ah, sorry Rorisa-san.

"That was a great night! The Red Devil feels even more rested than usual for some reason. Let's roast a whole lot of spiders and….Roasted? You think we can eat them? Hmmm…"

Insanity of appetite aside, eating spiders made of rocks probably isn't a good idea.

We went and checked out our little trap.

"…" x4

"Hey prince, wanna go for a morning swim to wake yourself up?"

From above, the dense crowd of rock spiders appeared liquid. The mass of moving legs resembled ripples very well.

Thankfully, their intelligence is little more than that of zombies.

"Oi, everyone, remember they're just golems ok? It's not an actual slice of hellspawn nightmare vision in front of us, just a really, _really_ good imitation...heh…hehehh!"

Funnily, I do not think anything bad would actually happen if a normal person jumped down. They feed only on demonic things, after all.

"While it does indeed resemble some particular spots in hell, I didn't think it would have such a strong sanity reducing effect…"

The scariness of hell just reached a new level.

Eris-sama, I'm sorry for everything...please don't let me be damned.

"Enough staring, weren't you going to farm these things for XP? …I…The devil won't be able to hold back the genocide for much longer!"

Right. We have a job to do here.

"This is gonna be easier than shooting fish in a barrel. The environment down there is obviously all spiders. The ceiling is spiders; the floor is spiders, the walls are spiders… and to an extent, even the air is spiders. If you breathe that in… Okay, let's not breathe it in." Revi quickly said, as if trying to calm himself.

We'll split this into four, for fairness sake.

Each person will attack in one of four directions all at the same time with the most powerful weapon they have.

Revi loaded one of his high explosive arrows as I prepared to chant my exorcism spell.

As for Komekko and Rorisa… I think no questions needed to be asked.

"Everybody ready? On three…"

"Ummm… can we do this-"

"One,"

"-at a time?"

"Two…"

"I don't think I have-"

"Three!"

"[Exorcism]!"

"[Scattershot]!"

"[Blast]!"

"[Insanity]-!"

-Ahhhhhh!

Self-check… Great, I can still see.

That had to be the single brightest and loudest thing I've ever been through.

The enclosed dungeon really served to magnify everything tenfold. I should perform here if I ever go for the singing career.

For a second, the ground shook as a thousand glowing particles filled my vision.

"Oof…Iris-san, look! They're all gone!" Komekko excitedly stared down the hole.

Indeed, what used to be the wavy ocean of spider is now but dead piles of black dust.

"Uuaaa, I didn't get any experience… My spell did damage over time…"

Poor Rorisa looked on the verge of tears.

…Hmm, thinking back, I do kind of remember hearing her suggest for us to go one at a time…

Sorry, Rorisa-chan! For now, let me see what I just unlocked.

But before I could take my adventurer card out-

 _Rumble_ -

"...Oi, didn't I hear somebody use 'blast'?"

"Oi! I don't handle certain foods well, I'm sorry…."

"Not your bowels! We got bigger issues!"

Dust and dirt started to cascade down from the ceiling-

"Ok, who used an explosive type spell in bloody cave!?"

Crap.

We are way too deep inside the dungeon to escape in time.

"Look! My onee-san forced me! Since I couldn't afford explosion magic, she made me learn a lesser version! Ahhh so sorry everyone, we're gonna die here!"

"Why did you learn that skill anyway!? That's no intermediate magic!"

"Even your sister knew not to do that!"

"Noooooo, my new experience farming startup business is ruined!"

"...I'm going back to h-hell over some spiders I didn't even kill?"

Enough commenting, we should be getting out of here!

With a ginormous crash, the cave filled with dust, as we were knocked off our feet.

"Cough, cough..couuuuuuuugh!"

As we collectively hacked up a lung, the dust cleared and-

"Ah...It seems only the spider cave collapsed. Thank Vanir, my visit home can wait…"

"Noooooo, my experience farming startup business is still ruined!"

"T-the devil is… Uwooooooo!"

Komekko suddenly became very hyped!

"The Red Devil is overflowing with experience points! I-I feel ….There must have been a whole lot of tasty monsters down that dungeon shaft!"

She whipped out her adventure card and-

"Oh…my…"

-And deflated.

"What's wrong, let me see it...oof!"

There had indeed been more monsters, enough to kill our party fifty times over.

Vast numbers of really scary monsters had appeared on Komekko's kill count.

"No fair! Those arrows were very expensive… This is barely enough to learn a single skill and I've lost all hopes of making money out of this place…Grrrrrrrrrr!"

"That's what you get for dealing with the devil. H-how can you blame me for being too strong?"

I can't believe those two have zero regard for the danger we've just survived through.

"Shut up you two! The cave just collapsed and this dungeon is who knows how old. Rorisa, please lead the way, I'm getting my butt out of here now!"

"Hey, wait! I think I finally see the 'light of the path of explosions' now… Can I blow the rest of this dungeon up before we leave?"

* * *

 **-That's a wrap for chapter three!**

 **-We are trying to speed up releases on this story!**

 **-Sincerely, LordVTP, Uranophane, and BoringBone!**


	4. Chapter 4 - First Half

Chapter 4 - A Lesson for this Pay2win! - First Half

* * *

Part 1

* * *

 _Being the prince of a wealthy nation is hard._

 _Especially when you were born without talent and have no redeeming features to compensate._

 _But being an adventurer is harder—_

 _Because I have no one to fall back on but myself._

 _Sigh._

 _Well, I can fall back on my teammates, technically; but what kind of prince hides behind three young girls?_

 _Thankfully, in this case I do at least have a template I can work from._

"Thank you very much, Ravi-san! Enjoy your purchases and have a nice day!"

 _Ahhh!_

 _I can see the uptick in business is raising shopkeeper-san's spirit._

 _This is only natural after getting such high level business advice from someone at the apex of the trade game._

"It is worth dropping in just to see your smiling face, shopkeeper-san. I'm afraid it will be a little while before I come by again; this quest I am stocking up for will take us away from Axel for quite a while… In fact, this may even be the last time we meet."

"EHHHhhhhhh!? You're still young, don't do anything foolish!"

 _Foolish? Maybe._

 _Though from that face I can tell—_

 _That I really was the reason for her surge in business._

 _The sole reason, in fact._

 _Well, I suppose it should be fine._

 _After being derided for my stinginess on high grade consumables before, I've purchased a solid stock of the 'good stuff'._

 _But there is one "talent" that never fails to deliver…_

 _Money!_

 _…It's not cheating at all to use it to the fullest, right?_

 _"Let's see, food stores, camping supplies, various consumables,… the household items we missed the other day…hmm…."_

 _Ah, that smell again…_

"Ah, Mr! I'll take three kabobs!"

 _I think I'm getting the hang of this whole living-out-of-state deal, at least._

 _I reached into my wallet and withdrew…_

 _…_

 _The last three hundred eris inside._

 _…_

 _I seem to have somehow spent a half billion eris in just a few days of adventuring._

 _I guess it's time to make a new withdrawal._

* * *

"We're ready! Soon it will be time to head out!"

I announced at lunch.

"Ah… about that… shouldn't we, uh, practice using our new skills before heading out? I just feel… I need more time."

"The devil has always been ready. What's so dangerous about some ruins anyway?"

"E-even though I didn't learn any new skills, I will still come along…"

Very well, we only have one objector and his reasoning is absurd.

"What practice do we need? I merely buffed my heal rate and resistance spells. Komekko-san can teleport now, but it's easy to use and won't come into play until we have some nodes set. I guess your Spellbound Arrow skill can use some practice, but…"

Crap, I totally forgot about his new skill!

"…It's too dangerous to shoot spells all over the place in Axel! You can practice all you want on the way to Norse. Point is, we need to get moving as early as possible!"

I went on to present my travel plans.

"Since time is money and I want my sword skills back ASAP, here's what I believe to be the fastest way of getting to the Norse ruins. Since Axel doesn't provide long-distance transportation out to nowhere, we'll have to buy a lizard runner carriage from elsewhere."

For some reason, Revi's gaze was focused miles away.

Is he still jealous of my powerful skills?

"L-lizard runner!? Aren't those the scary monsters that run victims down in large groups? Kazuma-san broke his neck because of them…"

Rorisa seems concerned.

Sure, Kazuma-san did get crushed down after he killed their female subject.

Though, while they say the male lizards were enraged, I still suspect that they mistook him for an even stronger and desirable female.

"Ah, no worries, they're tamed specifically for the purpose of transportation. The point is, we will book an express teleportation to the capital, my home, where we can hopefully buy a levitating carriage from the royal transportation department. In case they refuse to sell us one for security reasons, I'm sure their more corrupt equivalent over at Elroad will help us out. After all…"

At this point, I looked directly at the engine behind my plans.

"Every man has his price, and this boy is more than able to pay. Right, prince?"

"… …"

"…Revi?"

For some reason, instead of putting on a smug and confident smile, Revi continued to stare off into space.

I instinctively looked behind me to check in case there was a voluptuous female stealing his attention.

…Thankfully, there wasn't one.

"Sounds amazing, Iris-san! …You see, the Devil has really never travelled all that much… That one time when Megumin-neesan and I had to walk two dozen kilometers down the river to find lobsters was the furthest I've gone from home other besides teleporting to Axel. There will be a lot of scenery, right? Will we be riding for hours or days? Will we spend nights outside again!?"

Komekko made it sound as if travelling for long periods of time is a good thing.

I wish I could swap bodies with her. Where did Kazuma take that relic anyway?

But still—

—What is wrong with this prince? Is he sick?

"Oh um… right… as I said, I kinda wanna stay here for a little longer. What reason is there to rush? I mean, you're the only one who lost their powers, hehe… Are you telling me you're starting to miss your mundane princess life? Look at our new party members, don't you wanna stay with them more?" Revi responded with a robotic tone.

"Sure I do, but that's no way to be. Sooner or later the higher-ups will find out and… who knows what they'll do? What if they hunt down Regina-sama and make us stuck in this form? What if Regina-sama finishes us off before that happens?"

Hey.

Now that I've said it out loud…

There aren't exactly many things that could go wrong should we take our time with the quest.

Still, it's probably the safest to not spend too long on transit. Who knows how long the actual retrieval process might take.

"Oh come on prince boy, did something happen? Homesick? Nightmare? Got some grim realizations from being at that stage in life? … Or did you just notice you're the only guy in this party? I kid. Komekko is looking forward to this trip, don't disappoint her okay?"

Ironically, I'd only just had my phase a few days ago.

"…Oi Iris, you have a lot of cash to spend, right? The last time I checked, Belzerg wasn't on the brink of bankruptcy."

Of course I do.

Well, I carry about as much as a regular noble would and surely not as much as what this boy packs.

"No, why would I bring all my wealth to what started out as a training session? Are you trying to push the lunch bill on me?"

I must find out what he is planning.

"Don't worry Ravi-san! The devil has a lot of ritual money offered by the masses. I can pay the bills if you want!"

In response, Revi suddenly put on a deeply sorrowful face.

"I-I'm sorry, my faithful comrades, my thankless princess. I was not able to withdraw a batch of cash for our upcoming activities due to… a 'system error'. I have failed you all. Until the bank solves their issues in who knows how long… I'm afraid our adventures will have to be put on hold."

Komekko and Rorisa fell silent.

…

"No… No money? Does that mean no food? Are we going to starve Ravi-san? Will I have to go back to getting food using my body?"

"Don't say it that way Komekko! Nee-san works at a restaurant after all, maybe I could convince them to-"

"PFHAHAHAHAHAHA! Look at you!"

But all I could feel is intense joy.

"Stopping our adventure because you ran out of cash!? Don't be ridiculous, that's when the adventure begins! Oh I can't wait to see you try to survive a day without that wallet of yours. PFAHAHAHA!"

I feel many eyes turn towards me, but I don't care.

I will take this chance and laugh at this prince until I'm satisfied. Screw royal manners.

"You really get more obnoxious every passing day don't you!?" Revi is now flustered and angry.

"Don't mind me, I've just really been looking forward to this moment. The talentless prince gets his only tool taken away. Welcome to Axel, boy."

"Enough! I haven't forgotten what you did that night. Do you really think I'm someone to be played around with? In fact, what do you even have besides your subjective 'cuteness'? I bet your parents don't want to see you because you're adopted! And yes, you're nothing but an object, a token for exchange when asking for favors from other, more well-managed nations, like mine. It's a bloody miracle that anyone manages to fall for you, so be thankful."

He went all out. He didn't even care that others were listening and probably think he's crazy.

And man I regret teasing him that night. What was I thinking!? I knew this guy can't be trusted. I could almost feel my cheeks burning up…!

"Man, that's some terrible PR. So you do admit that you fell for me huh? Looks like you'll have extra fun in these upcoming days of poverty."

I, of course, have enough cash to afford the trip.

But for some reason, a voice in my head told me to let him suffer.

As if I really wanted to get my revenge for what his nation did to mine.

"Umm… Nee-san, nii-san, please don't break up over this… I'm sorry for ruining your relationship… I swear I'll leave your man alone!" Komekko consoled us teary-eyed.

The looks we were getting just intensified tenfold.

"No no no! It's nothing like that! You're just a friend to us! A valuable team member!"

"Y-yeah! You're like my… little sister! Someone who's there for me when this b*tch isn't!"

Despite our explanation, the deathly gaze from the crowd didn't subside.

It was only when Rorisa sincerely shook her head did the adventurers calm back down.

…The males, at least.

"It's amazing how easily you can be manipulated, Ravi. Just one little tease and you get pumped with anger."

"Oh, why don't you have a gander at what Komekko-chan is wearing? Have you forgotten already?"

…I underestimated this guy…!

"Hey… hey! Stop trying to strangle me! I have… poor resistance… stats!"

Although I'm seriously considering buying us girls teleportation tickets and leaving this guy alone, I'd much rather take this chance to do more hands-on adventuring.

Totally not to watch Revi suffer from poverty, nope.

* * *

At the very least, the journey will have to be longer, more exhausting and full of risk.

Just like how a real penniless party would feel if they tried to travel to Norse.

This way, we'll finally get the condescending prince to admit that "being rich" is not a life skill he should be proud of.

And as for Komekko? It'd be a real shame if her new playmate turned out to be a wimp.

I thought to myself as we headed home after lunch.

"Now that we can't pay for transportation services… you ready for a long long hike, prince?"

Of course, I wasn't actually planning to walk the whole way.

I was going to play with him a bit before digging into my own pockets for a carriage.

"Well… You think I'd pussy out!? I'm gonna try my hardest to adapt, just wait! This won't be the first time we spent a night out; how bad could it be?"

"Do you really think it'll only be one night? We're crossing national borders here. Also, you've used up all your fancy instant unfoldable furniture on that last trip, haven't you? We'll be living off the land, you know?"

"Those single-use pieces of… It's just a tent! And fire. And a safety perimeter. And a source of water too I guess…? And… Ugghhh, I'll learn all this, I promise you!"

Learn? From where?

"Woah! Camping!? For multiple nights!? Just like the old times!? The Devil is very excited! She hasn't felt that excited in years!"

Ah, from her. Of course.

"E-even with our… your upgraded skills, are you sure we won't have problems dealing with those wild, undead monsters? I can't really do much against them… They're much stronger than rookie killers and we've seen what happens when Komekko runs out of mana… "

Rorisa brought up a good point.

Well, since the whole thing is just a prank anyway, I'll have Komekko teleport us back in case anything gets too hairy.

Sounds like a perfectly safe plan!

"… Yeah Alice! This plan is actually very dangerous, now that I think about it…"

"Sounds like a perfect scenario to practice Spell Binding, Ravi! Treat it as a continuation of your training. Learn by doing, right?"

"Whoa, the Devil wants a pet neroid too!"

What is this girl asking all of the sudden?

Following her eyes, I noticed a neroid obediently following a happily skipping girl.

Since when did they behave that way!? Last time I checked, catching them was a real hassle.

"O-oi! Er, Ahem. Excuse me miss; if I may ask, how did you manage to keep this neroid, as what seems to be, a pet?"

It's been a long while since I last used my royal voice, and I honestly hate doing it.

Still, I want to be as polite as possible when speaking to strangers.

"Hmm? I bought it! I bought it from the travelling merchant person at the Guild Hall! I had to wait for a while, but it was worth it! It's so cute!" The young girl replied innocently.

"… Komekko, there has to be a way. If it makes you happy, I will do whatever it takes to buy you one even if it means delaying our mission." Revi stated with a righteous expression.

Helping a cute girl as an excuse to put aside something he dreads. Real clever, but also overused.

After all, I've been used for just that by a certain someone many times.

And yes, I consider myself cute. Deal with it.

"Hmm, that's a shame… Though, it wouldn't hurt to take her to at least see the stand, right, Alice? You and Ravi can go do any preparations necessary while Komekko and I go check out the travelling merchant."

Rorisa suggested with a motherly gaze.

As much as I despise demons, I feel safer letting her take care of Komekko than that guy.

"Maa, we don't have much to do now that the whole plan's ruined. Don't know about him, but I'm going with you two."

It's true; the whole point of my new strategy is to slow down the torture.

Besides, while I've monitored their activity and even helped in regulating them, I've never met with one face-to-face.

They're loved by people such as collectors and rich nobles but disliked by others for working a "dishonorable" job. After all, they do rely heavily on luck, and nothing feels worse than getting the short end of the stick.

* * *

Right outside the Guild Hall, we were greeted by a large crowd of people.

I guess travelling merchants are pretty uncommon for small towns like Axel.

"…Again, if you aren't going to purchase, please don't stand around. I'll be departing tomorrow, so you should let others take their turns don't you think?"

The merchant woman seems to be quite impatient about the crowd of onlookers.

I decided to squeeze through for a closer look.

"Are the rumors true? Does this animal's milk really make your… bigger!?"

"That bird is so fluffy…! Does it taste good? Does it give a lot of experience?"

"Hey… uuhm… ! How… How much is the… the long tentacled… squid-looking thing!? It's not like, I want… to buy it! I'm… merely thinking of getting one for my friend!"

I try not to think too hard about what those people were saying.

"I'm not judging your motives but there are better ways to satisfy them don't you think? Those are very rare creatures you know?"

With the help of my small (ish) stature, I opened a way through the sea of people.

Ah, there she is.

What an exotic and dissonant mix of clothes. In what nation did this kind of fashion sense originate from?

She also looks very annoyed and on the verge of screaming externally.

"Alice! Look! The neroids! They're right there!"

Komekko doesn't seem to see anyone around her but those strangely obedient neroids sitting on the display shelf.

By the way, after seeing the creatures supposedly for sale on the shelf, I can somewhat understand why so many people have clustered here.

"Excuse me, madam! How much are the neroids? How do they work? Are they real or some magically animated organism?" I cut straight to the chase before she could shoo me away.

"How much? Well, I don't trade for money. I want exotic assets. Rare herbs, fancy fabric, ancient artifacts, good magic items…things like that. And by 'good' I mean relic-tier items, yeah? Not those crappy rejects in that masked suit-man's shop."

Not wanting money? That's a breath of fresh air compared to a certain archer.

I guess it wouldn't make sense for a travelling merchant to make profit in the form of currency when every town has their own.

I bet Revi's bow would sell for loads; though doing that would put our adventuring careers at risk.

"I-I see… Thanks for your time. Hope you enjoy your travels."

I turned around to Komekko's dismay and started squeezing my way back out.

Snap—

Hearing the merchant snap behind my back, I turned around—

"Psst! That sword of yours; mind if I take a look?"

Ah, the last memento of my former glory.

Not that it has even been a week yet…

"Um… it's— hey!"

She took it without letting me finish!

"Hmm… Very nice craftsmanship. Mirror polished… adamantite with traces of vulcanite along the edge… mithril core for added tensility… all enchanted with some ancient aura. Where did you get this?"

Some gasps could be heard from the crowd.

Of course it's well-made! It was passed down through many generations of royalty!

Though they never told me where it was first made, I could make an educated guess.

"It was forged millenia ago by mysterious ancestors of great power in the heart of what is now Belzerg. It then went on to slay countless unholy spirits serving the Demon King in the hands of hundreds of heros. Now give it back or—"

"Hahaha~ I was just messing with you. Impressively forged sword, but it's no relic. Got a little too imaginative there, don't you think~?"

And she tossed the sword back to me.

"Wow! What a great story, Alice-san! Megumin-chan tried to teach me this art of 'creativity' for a long time but I never improved much…"

Komekko looked both disappointed and impressed.

The crowd began to laugh.

"…Hey Alice, wanna get out of here? I know you still hate me but insulting your sword was too far. Alice? Hello?"

…

…This…

…This was the worst humiliation I've ever received.

Unacceptable!

That was a straight-up lie! I once slew a dragon with my sword! If only I can [Exterion] her right now…!

"Aww don't be upset young one; a decent weapon can be a key to finding legendary loot! _One does not simply walk into Norse._ It's a common saying between us travelling merchants. You should keep on adventuring don't you think?"

She patted me on the head while saying that…!

All the feelings of personal growth I've had suddenly vaporized.

"Well that proverb of yours is stupid because I'm about to head straight to Norse! Literally!"

Suddenly, the merchant put on a serious face.

After thinking for a moment…

"Going to Norse, huh. If you were serious and not joking, there are some important things you need to be aware of."

That's a tone change I did not expect.

"Are you poking fun at me again? Unlike you greedy merchants, we adventurers have duties to attend to! What do you have against us journeying to Norse—!?"

"You can't walk into it. It's simple. Everything of value has been buried deep underground."

… Ah. Well, that would be a problem—

—Had Komekko not joined our party.

"Our wizard knows some explosion magic. She can simply uproot whatever it is we might be looking for."

"Across an entire barren wasteland filled with deadly beasts? That's a little too tall of a task, don't you think?"

She does bring up a fair point…

Unless, of course, it's all part of her grand ruse.

"You seem to know an awful lot about that… barren place for a merchant." Rorisa suddenly made an interesting observation.

"Common knowledge. A bunch of scavengers constantly visit there in hopes of uncovering great relics. And believe it or not, they found a way in. I could tell you more, but it won't be free. Knowledge is wealth, don't you agree? So is time, by the way. In case you didn't hear, I'll be leaving tomorrow."

Damn! I hit the paywall again.

If her claims hold any truth, my Revi-torture plan may not work after all. Should I trust her or take the risk?

I looked over to my teammates with an uncertain gaze.

They each shook their heads, except—

"Nee-san has these magical machines she calls 'game consoles' at home… Should I try stealing one? Maybe it'll sell… Oh, she also has these powerful contraceptive devices that work multiple times without using any mana! They look kinda weird and un-relic-ly though."

Contraceptives!? Komekko, I think you should stop talking to your older sister!

"Hahahaha! Don't worry, little crimson demon; let's not resort to crimes. There are other ways of paying me. Come on inside if you are interested."

The merchant proposed as she pointed towards a caravan behind her.

Somehow, I feel very convinced to go in despite her being a complete stranger. Too convinced.

"By 'other' you don't mean anything shady, right? You aren't going to harvest our organs or anything, right!?" I questioned on. This happens way too often in the less regulated corners of the capital, and as a princess I'm dedicated to putting an end to it.

"Ah, no. It's only a commission. Why would I want any parts of your worthless bodies?"

Perhaps I was too paranoid.

But commissions? Aren't they like, the errands my father gave me but paid? What does she want us to do?

We're already on a quest; taking a 'commission' probably isn't a good idea.

"I…think that's all we'll talk about. We'll—"

"Actually, since it's basically free, I'd be very interested in knowing more about that place." Suddenly, the prince cut me off.

Revi seems to have a newfound appreciation for free things.

I really don't see a reason we should trust a merchant for adventuring advice, but it doesn't hurt to let him take the lead for once.

"Oi, since you want to go in so much, Mr. Master Bargainer, go ahead and make it cheaper for us."

"Yes please, I also want to know more about Norse, so…"

"Everyone's pushing Ravi… The devil will join! Yoisho!"

We unanimously began to shove him forwards—

"H-hey! At least give me the sword in case she's a part-time serial killer!"

* * *

We carefully circled around the front stand to arrive at a rather large caravan.

Even larger creatures are leashed behind the shelves; most of them I've never seen before.

But one thing in common about them is that they are all calm and well-trained; staring at us alertly as we passed by.

"Psst, Iris, isn't it illegal to keep wild creatures weighing over 10 kilos outside of cages?" Revi whispered.

"That law only applies to populated regions… Still, I don't feel it's fitting to call them 'wild' anymore."

Indeed, even the monsters and undeads are tame as livestock.

It's making me feel uneasy.

"Ah, sorry for the wait. Some people were asking disturbing questions again. They really should be more polite, don't you think."

The travelling merchant emerged from behind the main stand—

—Huh?

For some reason, she's now about the same height as me.

I could have sworn she was a tall adult in her mid 20s.

Curiously, I looked past her and saw—

—Ah, there was a staircase leading up to the window.

Suddenly, her claims felt a lot more trustworthy and my heart calmed slightly.

"Ehh!? What is happening… why is everyone we meet a young girl!? Is there some mysterious attractive force between human children!?" Rorisa is starting to lose her mind.

I want to believe that's true, but it's still too early to assume the age—or even gender—of this merchant.

"Please, Miss Succubus. Sure I'm not an adult, but neither am I a child by any metric. Let's head into the carriage first; what we're about to discuss is top secret you know?"

And so we sat down on some crates and cages in the cramped space.

It reeks of animal fur in here, but not the usual kind.

"All these dolls… they're cute but creepy in such numbers. Why do you have them?"

Oh, we're also surrounded by rows and rows of fully articulated dolls wearing all kinds of miniature clothes.

I sure hope they aren't possessed…!

"Umm… that aside, can you first tell us what this 'commission' entails before we agree to anything?"

"For those two great questions I have one answer; those dolls are the commissions. Uuu… you see, I have this hobby of collecting samples of exotic fashion. Having full suits of armor and robes would take up too much valuable space, me being a travelling merchant and all, so…" The girl started blushing.

"I-I mean, I don't play with them or anything! Anyways, since I've just collected the Arcanretia and Axel samples, I'm only missing one from the Crimson Demon village. You'll be heading there anyway, so don't you think you could help me out?"

Meanwhile, Komekko is completely distracted by the dolls.

She seems to like them a lot.

"Oh, don't be embarrassed. It's perfectly fine for girls to like dolls, even at this age. Just look at Alice here, would you believe it if I told you she still—"

"Shut up! You know nothing! And we can help you out but… what do you mean by 'heading there anyway'?"

"That's the second part of my answer. The only entrance to Norse's underground complexes is via Teleportation. From numerous studies and research, the explorers have concluded that the only entrance is nested deep within the Crimson Demon village. Unfortunately, they weren't able to decrypt the locking mechanism…"

Lock?

In the Crimson Demon village?

"Lock? Kazuma nii-san went there some time ago and unlocked a secret room… It had a bunch of cool… 'relics', I guess? …Inside. Oh! I also killed a Demon General! All by myself! Hmmph!"

Komekko bragged triumphantly. I've heard of the story and everything makes sense so far.

Such a commission doesn't seem unreasonable; I'm sure there will be Crimson Demons bored enough to make doll clothes.

"Y-you killed it by yourself!? U-um, wow! That's incredible! You're ready for the trip to Norse already don't you think!?"

"Of course! The Devil's always been prepared. I merely needed time to allow my faithful followers to catch up."

Rorisa looked down in response to Komekko.

"H-hey, this is just one big gag right? Haha, it's too ridiculous to be real, right?"

Oh Revi, we haven't even started.

Instead of righting him, I pushed on—

"So, how should we deliver the product? We frankly have no clue when we'll return, and you are also leaving today… By the way, what is your name? If you ever need to find me, just look for 'Alice'! …Or they sometimes call me 'Iris', that's my… nickname…"

"Oh, and in case you can't find her; look for me, 'Ravi' or 'Revi', as some people call me. I'm much more famous than her."

This guy…!

"I'm the Red Devil! But most people call me Komekko… The receptionist knows me, so…"

"Eeeeh… I… I would prefer if you don't come looking for me… Please."

I can't blame her, being a succubus among men is tough. Plus, Rorisa literally means "loli succubus"—not exactly a dignified name.

"Ah, Komekko! Now you're someone I know; the guild people kept mentioning you left and right. I'm Marion, pleasure doing business. And don't worry about the delivery, I'll come to you after all is done. In fact, since I'm almost done here, I could even give you a lift to the village this afternoon up till where the road stops. Nice deal don't you think? Not that you can refuse since I've already told you the critical information."

A free ride huh?

Not bad, but that would mean Revi doesn't get the punishment I've prepared for him.

"Fine. Fortunately, you don't seem like a bad person, liking dolls and all. Still, out of all the things you could market, why animals? Where did you even find some of these? Did you tame them yourself? Just curious."

I've seen absurd items for sale by these travelling merchants before, but tames are a first.

"That is a trade secret! If I told you my ways, everyone would tame their own creatures and I'd go bankrupt don't you think?"

Damn, she didn't fall for it.

Not that I wanted my own pet cabbage. Nope.

"I also have a question!" Revi enthusiastically cut in.

"Are you single?"

…

"Ah, that's also a trade secret."

* * *

Part 2

* * *

"He kept going in the wrong hole, but it still felt great."

"And he went that far within the first week!? Wow, you're really skilled for a 16 year old!"

"Oh it's nothing; I've seen quicker. He was pretty lively, always moving quickly and spraying his stuff all over me. You have no idea how hard it was to clean up."

"Having played with similar substances in my childhood, I can sympathize."

"But after some potty training and maturation, he now sleeps in the right hole, stays put and cleans himself of gold glitter regularly."

Maron-san gently petted the golden bunny resting on her shoulder.

"You have no idea how much people were willing to pay for him. I thought he was too cute to sell, don't you agree?"

"Are the gold flakes on his fur real gold? If so, I can see why people are willing to pay so much…" Revi said as he stroked the bunny's shining golden fur carefully.

He is revving up his profit calculator again.

"What do you think? You are what you eat, and he eats no gold. It's actually urine crystals. It's how he 'pees'. I had to invent a special 'urinal' just for him… intriguing, don't you think? —Hey, calm down, they don't smell so—and stop washing your hands, water is what makes them smell!"

I giggled at Revi shaking his hands insanely.

The ride turned out to be rather relaxing and peaceful.

The sound of nature, Rorisa and Komekko playing make-believe family in the back, Revi being Revi, the gentle rocking of the carriage, cool wind in our hair, sunset on the horizon…

Wait.

"Well lookie here, adventurers, we've arrived at the end of the road. Everything will be on foot from here on. Any last things you want to say?"

The sunset.

That means night is coming in a few hours.

Unless we want to move through the forest at night, we should probably find a place to camp.

"Uhh… question; can we stay in your caravan till the morning?" Revi asked the obvious question.

"Hahaha~ No. Time, like information, is also money. Eight hours of idling could potentially be devastating. I might miss many quick deals and rare creatures, don't you think? Plus, you guys have a wizard capable of killing Demon Generals, you should be safe. Have fun!"

And with that, Marion turned and continued down the dirt road.

Watching her caravan disappear into the distance, worries started settling in once again.

"What are you all waiting for? This way! Trust the Devil, for she never lies!" Komekko sounded excited, on the contrary.

Maybe I was indeed too paranoid.

After all, we've slept in a _freaking dungeon_.

It was with high-tier portable furniture, sure, but the danger was high all the same.

"I still think we should have bought something before letting her leave… What if we run into real demons at night?"

"You're right, we should have sold your useless crossbow."

"H-hey, but I am a real demon… Is there a joke I'm missing? Please don't bully me—"

* * *

We've been walking in the grass for a while now.

Fortunately, the sun still hasn't set.

Out here, Komekko is the only person we can rely on.

Though we see her as a child, her confident navigation gives a strong sense of maturity.

Guess she really is 11 as opposed to 10 years old.

"I-Iris, are you crying?"

What.

Did I get that sentimental?

No way, but…

Rorisa has sharp senses and rarely lies.

What if I'm really crying? I need an excuse..

"… Never mind, it's coming from the forest…"

Crying from the forest!? This is incredibly disturbing!

I should stay as far as possible from that.

If I'm not wrong, crying in the forest usually points to either ghosts or traps.

The kind of traps that kills you, that is.

"You'd think think there'd be at least a proper path to this village… If anything, it'll be great for tourism! Just think of all the people willing to visit a place full of magical girls…!"

"We already have that, you know? We just take them by teleportation exclusively so that unwanted guests don't find their way into the barrier. We have a plenty of attractions, by the way. You get to watch the Demon King's daughter undress at night! We also used to have two ancient Goddesses sealed in our village, though by now they've both been released… Maybe someday we can convince Aqua-san to become our next attraction."

"The barrier? What kind of barrier?"

"The kind that keep unholy beings out; you know, demons and such. It's a necessity for a place so close to the Demon King's castle."

"Hmm… How will the Great Devil herself get in without a teleportation node then?"

"Umm… Hmmph! The barrier is smart, it only blocks bad, evil devils! Heroic ones like me, who killed Sylvia, can pass right through!"

"Hahaha, that's amazing. Speaking of demons…what about Rorisa-san?"

I looked back—

—to find no one.

"R-Rorisa?"

She seems to be missing…!

"Umm… Revi, stay with Komekko. I'll go look for Rorisa."

"Rorisa? What happened, is she gone? Wha- hey! Don't just run off like that!"

It was obvious.

She must have fallen for the trap!

I can only hope that it's not some super powerful undead monster.

Sure I can cast [turn undead], but as a priest, I cannot heal demons.

"Please get away from me!" I could hear a young girl's voice.

Crap, is it too late?

"I told you I didn't need help, please leave me alone!"

"But you look so adorable! Please just let me stay for a while longer! I promise that I will do no harm!"

Wait.

Now I hear two young girls.

One of them has to be Rorisa, right!?

I followed the sound.

"Please, if you want me to survive, leave me alone! In fact, you're actively killing me with your presence!"

Huh!?

Before me is Rorisa, alright.

But in her arms is a small girl kneeling on the ground with bandages over her limbs.

Was she the one who cried for help?

At the sight of me, both of them abruptly stopped.

"Oh great… Um, h-help! This demon is harassing me, a defenceless, injured girl! P-please take her away and leave as soon as possible!"

"But I'm only trying to help you! Tell me, where does it hurt? Alice-san here is a priest, she can heal you right up!"

…Rorisa must have scared this girl, whoever she might be.

"Rorisa-san, mind explaining what went on here? Why not let her be? She clearly doesn't like you around."

"S-sorry, I just got a unexplained urge to protect her when I saw her… Despite her demands, I just can't seem to pry myself from her."

Amazing. Who knew a succubus could be this empathetic?

I softened my tone;

"Well… That's very nice of you. But please, let me heal her and we'll going. We have to find shelter before sundown."

"Ah-uhm, I-I'm fine, it doesn't hurt that much. All I need is some lone time… Thanks for your consideration!"

The small girl put on a bright smile.

Despite her protest, I aimed my staff at her and—

"Hmm, you don't appear to be a valid heal target. How strange, all animate creatures should be valid; even demons!"

Or perhaps my staff is simply not good enough. But I don't want her to think that.

"Oh don't be shy, loneliness is never the solution! I may be a succubus, but I'm very gentle and caring! I can also assure you that I'm not into that kind of relationship; although, I won't refuse in case you desire it either~"

Whoa, don't scare me, Rorisa!

At this point, the mysterious girl seems to be losing patience.

Why doesn't she run away? She said she wasn't too heavily injured, right?

I doubt Rorisa would be mean enough to chase after her.

"Hmm, how's this? Since Rorisa—that's her name by the way—doesn't want to let go, I'll carry you back with us. We can give you shelter and hopefully be able to heal you properly."

Saying that, I went forward and reached one arm under her thighs.

Since we're both straight girls, that shouldn't be too strange.

"Ueehhh!? P-please don't touch me! Ow, ow that hurts! Put me down!"

The moment I started lifting her, however, something tugged her back towards the ground.

Noticing this strange appendage, I can't help but ask;

"Huh? What's this?"

"P-put me down first! I can explain!"

Just now.

"Hey Iris, you shouldn't just run off like that. You know that nothing good ever happens whenever a group splits— Oh my lord who is that girl and have I just interrupted something private!?"

This idiot prince just had to follow.

"Sorry about that, I'll go tell Komekko to not come. I didn't know you swung that way, Iris! The more reasons to chase after someone else." Said Revi as he turned 180.

"What did you just say!? Did you leave Komekko all by herself!?"

"Everyone, please calm down! Let me explain—-!"

* * *

As if our adventures weren't bizarre enough already, the 'girl' we just met is really a vegetable, and not in the way I refer to the prince.

She's a literal, moving plant.

They call them 'tranquility girls' because apparently they're good at euthanasia.

"Excuse me, sorry for the confusion…I really, truly cannot help it. I don't suppose I could bother you three humans to urinate on me before you go?"

I-is that a plants way of begging?

"Um, regardless of any fetishes she may or may not have, that seems a bit…"

"What do you mean my presence is harming you!? I..I'm not that bad a gardener! I even managed to keep a dandelion alive for a whole day in my cauldron last month…"

What the tranquility girl meant was that Rorisa's presence may scare away future 'clients' thus causing starvation, but I guess she could be a physical threat too.

"So… Are you seriously asking for us to um…[create water] on you?'

The prince looks oddly curious here…

"Well, I seem to have taken root in rather infertile soil, any fertilizers you could spare would be kindly appreciated…"

As strange as it is to see such a polite and pitiable monster, I don't think we really should-

"….Or else my poor children won't have a chance."

-!

"The devil does not approve of wasting food!…If 'that' can be considered food…why can't we give it to her?'

She said, tilting her little head at me.

Well, I can't help it.

I don't need to pee right now.

Rorisa, who finally pried herself from the cute tranquility girl, stepped forward and said-

"Even if you get a little help now…there is no guarantee your saplings will survive…"

I don't think they would survive being both sickly and surrounded by other high level monsters in this area as well.

"Hmm…Normally you trap script kiddies to feed on, yes? Then the devil will go kill some big monsters for you to eat!"

What!?

"Komekko, I don't think you understand what that term means."

"I know they're described as skilless and lack knowledge, doesn't that seem like the perfect place to use it?"

More importantly, where did she learn that from!?

"Komekko! Iris knows she's been using… 'elite vocabulary' lately, but it's nothing to be proud of, really!"

…Nonetheless, she's willing to go that far, huh.

I was thinking about killing her off for good, but let's see what she's capable of.

Revi looked on and said, "That isn't a long term solution you know, there is only one way. The saplings have to be moved!"

Oh my! What's this sudden streak of prince like compassion? Is this some new leaf, something I missed? Something I ca-

"And perhaps we can come to an equitable deal here about selling your children into human servitude?"

-Good to know I wasn't dreaming. This is one terrible place to fall asleep.

The poor plant's fake lips quivered, as if all hope was lost.

But Revi only pressed his advantage.

It's over, plant. Revi is revved up.

-Eventually;

"Three."

"Two and a half."

"…I can't even sprout more down the line with just that!"

They negotiated heatedly.

"It's better than you realize, what we have here is high quality…premium royal goods! It will surely fetch a higher price."

Ahh, my prince, I don't think your shit don't stink or something like that!

In exchange for… our 'assistance', we ended up agreeing to take three saplings with us.

"Now down to business, how should we deal with this? It sounds messy, and inconvenient, and oh Lady Eris save my virgin eyes!"

…

"Thank you for your… fertilizer. I can't believe I'm thanking humans for this basic sustenance; you have no idea how few people pass by here."

What an awful species.

I'll be sure to clean them out when I regain my power.

"By the way, your sprout was bigger than I thought, Ravi!"

Huh!?

* * *

Part 3

* * *

Once we got deep into the woods, and with the light starting to fail, we decided to make camp.

Luckily, we were able to locate the creek in this region, thanks to Komekko's expertise and some map studying.

"Boy, I sure do love this automatic shelter artifact. How much was this again? It doesn't matter."

Thus, I decided to begin the main procedure for my Revi torture plan.

With a 'poof', the fully furnished house popped into existence.

"At least we don't have to live out here in the wild… like, setting up tents and stuff. Uh… Iris? What is that thing? Is that a magic door!? When did you..."

"Girls only. Sorry, darling."

Ahh, that look-

I'm already loving it!

"So, time for me to start on the dinner! the kitchen in this thing is fully furnished… I sure hope you brought your own share. What's that? You didn't? Don't worry, I heard there are a plenty virgin berries in this area."

"Why is this the most fun I've seen you have to date!?"

Oh prince, just take a mirror and look at your own face.

Wait, you don't have one. More fun for me!

Komekko came out the door munching on a sandwich.

"Ah, does Revi want some?"

"A gift from the Devil? How could I refuse-wait, no!"

Just as she was about to hand over the sandwich, I intercepted it.

"Oh no, not yet, Komekko. You see, Revi has never lacked food or really anything in his life thus far, and I'm sure he's more than eager to experience living without it all being available. It's all on you to teach him the au-natural lifestyle!"

"Hoooo! I see! Worry not, the Devil is an expert in such matters. Just watch."

She shoved the rest into her mouth, as he watched with tears forming in his eyes.

 _Well done, Komekko, you're doing great!_

"Remember, Komekko, no mercy. Zero."

Komekko nodded sincerely.

"And… Aren't you going to learn this as well? Isn't Iris also a royal?"

Don't compare me to him!

"Ahh, don't worry about me. I've already graduated, thanks to your nee-sama."

"Oh, I see, yes, my sister is a master of living the F2P life."

Oh please no.

"Komekko, what do you mean by that!?"

"F2P, as in being as cheap as possible! We were poor, you know?"

"That's not how… Where did you learn that from!? Don't ever use that word again!"

Though, she's not wrong. If life were a game, they'd definitely be free-to-plays.

And in that case I'd be able to reload save points like on Megumin's consoles. If only.

"Right, so! Fear not, mighty prince! It is only fitting that I, as the first disciple of my sugoi onee-chan, in turn pass our survival knowledge down to you who must be so excited to experience nature! Over here, come on! Let's go seek shelter!"

Ahh, Just look at her eyes sparkle with joy!

"I get your hospitality! But please just let me in the house, I-hey didn't your sister teach you about touching strangers? I'm not taking any responsibility for what happens!"

Ahh, Just look at his eyes sparkle with tears!

And so, she dragged him off. Good luck to him; he'll need it.

Please excuse me while I help myself to what this luxurious house has to offer-

-Eh?

...Dammit Komekko, you didn't leave any snacks for me, huh?

Still, for something designed by Revi himself, this house isn't half bad.

That and Elroad's royal craftsmanship.

Wait, designed by him and built in Elroad…

...I should probably check the bath for surveillance devices.

But before that, let's check on the _main course_.

"So, gather the sticks together like this and you can grab…"

What a massive faggot!

 **[ faggot- n. a bundle of sticks used for fuel. (Ex. there were many faggots stacked next to the fireplace)]**

Through the window, I saw Revi hauling a huge bundle of sticks.

I always figured he was good at working with wood.

Komekko was showing him how to build a lean-to shelter it seems.

"Although it's a bit small and tight, it'll keep out the rain if it comes."

"Ahh I see… Sometimes you just have to settle for smaller, I guess."

Hey Revi, I don't like the way you're speaking.

I better monitor them for a bit longer, just in case Revi tries to do anything funny…

"Look, these little round things… "

"Ah, this berry…tastes… horrible! Eugh!"

"... are bunny poo. Please avoid eating them! Now, these are a great find as we can follow the tracks back to the rabbit's lair."

They're now gathering food.

"Are we going to kill the poor thing?"

"Of course! You shouldn't be deterred from eating something just because it looks cute and innocent. Food is food, just like nee-sama's cat, for example."

"You're right. I'm down for eating something cute and innocent!"

Hey.

What is this rampant hinting!?

"I'm going to use my magic to scare it out of its nest, and I need you to catch it. Pin it to the ground! No mercy! Three, two, one… "

"Get your furry ass back here… Damn~!"

Once again, Revi misses his mark. Unsurprising.

"Tsk tsk, you are going to have to do better than that if you want to taste tender meat tonight, Revi!"

"S-sniff….yeah…I might just be stuck with the virgin berries though…"

"The blue ones?"

"Well, at least they looked juicy…"

"Because their season is past, they're overripe."

Thankfully Komekko isn't having any of his crap. Good girl.

Guess I'll nap.

* * *

...Yawn...

What time is it? It's already rather dark out.

Huh!?

"Rorisa-san, what are you doing on this bed?"

"Just…checking on you. And getting a little snack, if you don't mind."

What the hell, Rorisa.

What could a succubus possibly do to a girl?

For some reason, I really crave a shower.

I should go check on Revi in the meantime, just in case he's up to no good.

Walking away from the still smiling succubus, I headed for the river.

"Oi, Pervert Prince, where you at? It's late, so give up and starve like a good boy and let Komekko in for the night!"

…

Where could they have went!?

The sun had set, we were in that special twilight before the proper nighttime darkness.

It's actually-

-K-kind of picturesque… Despite the danger.

Just then, my ears caught the sound of a romantic tune being hummed.

"Gah!?"

I turned to see Rorisa-san now sitting on the roof edge of the magic house, watching the moon and humming happily.

She seems awfully pleased with herself for some reason.

Noticing my gaze, she grinned with a twinkle in her eyes, and pointed off to the distance, towards the creek.

Is that where they are?

I walked off through the high grass and reeds that surrounded the bank when…

"Hey hey, it tickles when you touch there!"

… !?

That was undoubtedly Komekko's voice.

"Don't worry, little one, it will stop being ticklish in just a moment."

…And that's undoubtedly the damn prince. What in the world is he doing now!?

I quickened my pace.

"Hey, something's poking me. Take off the towel and let me see!"

There they are, right before me, in the water.

I'd rather not describe what they are doing in detail, because I can't.

This is outright unforgivable.

I've always had my doubts, but this just surpasses even my deepest fears.

Screw this prince! Screw you both!

"Stop!"

…What!?

They both disappeared…!

"Pff… hahahahaha!"

Suddenly, a giggle came from behind.

No way, could all this have been…

That succubus.

I knew something was off when I got up.

"Sorry about that… I just wanted to notify you about what was happening out here. Merely trying some new techniques in the meantime."

Thankfully, that was only a—wait, notify me? About what!?

As if expecting my realization, Rorisa pointed to the other end of the creek.

"Ok, now that you have successfully eaten the lobsters, it's time for the next lesson!"

Revi was stuffing his face with…not lobsters, for sure.

They seem to be merely eating. Good.

"I (nom) would never have thought (nom) of catching and cooking in one step, hitting the water with fireballs to cook them in the river for instant (nom) food!"

"Indeed, It's an original tactic the devil thought up! I suppose it's a bit cheating when you don't have magic to use yourself but…well…I'll always be here for you, so don't worry about it!"

True to their words, the water of the river was visibly steaming still-

Wait, wasn't my plan to torture Revi?

Why does he seem to be having more fun than I am?

I should have been more overt to Komekko about my plans… But then, she wouldn't have kept them for even five minutes.

As Revi finished off the pile of … ahem...'lobsters', Komekko started moving towards the river.

"Revi, my number one disciple! Check out what else magic-heated river water can be used for!"

"Trick? Just saying, we probably shouldn't do anything… daring... in case Iris finds out."

Oh yeah, 'cause she'll be mad if that happens!

I started running to them as fast as possible…

Damn, the bushes are so thick! I can't see!

"Come on, it's just a bath! Don't you royals have that every day?"

"Yes, but not in the open where everyone can see…!"

Hey!

You better not be doing anything perverted!

Oh no, I hear grass rustling…!

Revi, if you don't turn your head around now, I swear.

"Usually, we'd bring soap and take these clothes in for a wash… Though since we're only staying for one night, the Devil will leave them on the shore."

Crap, there's no time! She's definitely undressing!

"No problem! The mighty prince shall wash your Majesty's clothes for her. I'll make sure to take extra care when treating the bat prints-"

Finally, I emerged!

Plop

Just in time to catch Komekko diving into the river.

"Hi there, seen any cute and innocent meat you might consider gobbling up on the spot, hmm prince?"

"Omg omg omg omg omg omg, wha— why are you here Iris!? I mean, it's completely fine, nothing weird's happening here, see? And the lobster? Yeah! I-I wouldn't consider it cute or innocent but hey food's food, you know!?"

"Revi, the Kingdom of Belzerg won't hesitate to apply death sentences at my command."

"I-I didn't see anything! I swear! I was faced away this whole time!"

"Komekko just went in, and here you are staring straight forward. Any other last words?"

"Still, it's too dark to see anything clearly! I couldn't even tell you were here until you started screaming!"

Just then, Komekko spoke up;

"I'm not so fragile that Revi-san needs to worry about my innocence or anything! Treating me like I'm a little kid, or someone to be protected. Like a doll, less than a person. I'm the great Devil Komekko-senpai! Don't underestimate me!"

I sensed that Komekko-chan had some insecurities from the way the townsfolk treated her, but I didn't realize it was to this extent.

Could it be she was creating this scenario with Revi just to prove a point?!

"Komekko-chan, I don't think of you that way at all! There seems to be a misunderstanding here! I'm not avoiding Komekko-chan right now because I don't think you can handle yourself around a scary onii-I mean, boy, or anything. If that's what you're implying! Um, it's because I respect the great devil Komekko-chan that I don't think you should be so comfortable bathing together! Something like that! Um…"

Oh I bet the truth is nothing like that.

She chose the wrong person to prove this point with!

"Then Revi must be worried about me seeing him naked huh.. Sorry, The Devil apologizes for being insensitive! I promise to look only at the sky! Still, Revi must still take a bath. Maintaining one's hygiene is vital to survival, after all! So, the Devil Komekko insists that you come bathe!"

"What!? No! That wasn't my point at all! My life will be at risk if I agreed to do it! O-of course that's not saying I'm alright with it by myself either…!"

Actually, maybe she didn't.

Maybe I could take advantage of this.

"Hmm, don't worry Komekko. Since I need a bath too, I'll make sure that kind onii-sama never sees anything he doesn't want to see. That said, since it's obviously too dark to see anything-why don't you go ahead and get yourself ready, prince Revi? I promise we both have our heads turned!"

Well then, let's see how far he's willing to go for his new crush…!

"Okay, fine, I'll admit it; you can still kind of see! So just leave me alone, I will take this bath later."

...Not very far, it seems.

However, just now-

"If you're that embarrassed about being seen naked again, I could cast an illusion so nobody sees you. So don't worry; just hop in and have a good time! Here, 'Magic Cloak'!"

Rorisa swooped in from above and offered him some assistance.

"Really? If you promise it works, I… guess I'll give it a try… Only because it's convenient! And it's by Komekko-chan's request!"

Hahaha, yes! He's undressing like the pervert he really is.

Little does he know, we can both see him perfectly well. In fact, I'm pretty sure the skill Rorisa used doesn't even exist.

Even Komekko is trying hard not to giggle.

… Eh?

This slick guy… He jumped in with his undershorts still on!

"Hey, you won't have dry underwear to sleep in if you do that, you know?"

"Ha! So you can see! I'm not that dumb. No problem, I'll be sleeping alone anyways so- By the way, isn't it time for you, the graceful princess-sama to disrobe and cleanse next!?"

Silly prince, I came prepared.

"Oh sure it is. It's nothing you haven't seen before, so why should I be worried?"

The fairy armor is skimpy and thus easy to dry, so I could undress underwater.

"That attitude…! What is this sexism!? When a boy like me undresses, it's perversion; but why you can just strip at will, like that!?"

Revi complained as I tossed aside my boots and fairy miniskirt.

"Hmm? Nobody stopped you from stripping, though. In fact, we were all looking forward to it. By the way… Cannonball!"

Then I jumped straight into the river-!

-Ahhh… The warm water feels fantastic. Thank you Komekko-chan, for sharing your magic with us.

Since he's already embarrassed himself enough, it's time for me to relax a little.

"Hey! Didn't you hear Komekko-chan? You can't get your clothes wet!"

"Why do you look so disappointed, noble prince? Didn't you say you'd rather bathe alone?"

"W-wow, Iris! Your jumps have become quite strong! Perhaps the physical abilities of the battle priest class is showing its advantages… Also, everyone, you don't mind me joining, do you?"

"!?"

To Revi's surprise, the succubus is also undressing in the river, on the other side.

And he just turned his head! Now's the chance!

I quickly removed the remaining pieces and tossed them over the riverbank-

"Ahh… Of course you're welcome, Rorisa-san! I'm sure Revi agrees too."

"...Y-yeah… I mean, I don't mind, yes, but… but… forget it."

Hehe, he seems to be overheating in more ways than one.

Unlike Komekko, who had already started bathing comfortably.

"You aren't as indecent as I thought. Good job! Let's enjoy the cool evening air along with the warm river water in peace as your reward."

At the end of the day, my Revi torture plan worked pretty well.

Not that it has ended yet…

The warm water is just making me too lazy to think hard about anything.

Thinking back, had we taken the transit instead, we'd probably be getting ready to sleep in the crimson demon village by now.

Perhaps even playing a board game or participating in whatever community events those crazy folks have.

It's enticing, but…

We're on an adventure, not a field trip. At least, not anymore.

Speaking of adventure, I still haven't gotten a proper chance to use my special [Akashic Discharge] skill yet…

I bet it's very annoying for adventurers to deal with, yet I can't bring myself to activate it out of fear of pain.

Guess I've not fully converted into an adventurer yet.

Ahh, the water is too comfortable… I can't help but sink into it and completely immerse myself-

-Hold on. I'm seeing something.

The dim twilight cast a faint web of refracted glow underwater, outlining something…

"Oi Revi. Since when did you move so close to Komekko?"

"I didn't know where I was shifting! The fog is too thick! I just wanted to get into a more comfortable position…"

Playing dumb again? So soon?

"Well then, why don't you explain to Komekko-chan what this thing is doing huh!?"

Saying this, I proceeded to yank his shorts off to expose his true nature.

"What are you doing!? Hey! Pervert! Female pervert!"

Or at least tried to. He was unexpectedly nimble and started dog-paddling away desperately.

"Hoo? What did you find Iris-san? Let the Devil help capturing it!"

"Thanks for the offer, Komekko! Just charge on and grab that guy for me, please! Let's see how the mighty prince fares against the Belzerg Royal Speed Swim and the Crimson Magic Lobster Dive at once!"

"Mmmmph! Gasp Ahhhh! I give up! I'm sorry! Please leave me be! Rorisa, save me!"

Too bad, he's not getting out of this one.

"Ha! Got it!"

I then waved my token of victory high in the air just like a certain adventurer used to.

"No! Rorisa help me!"

"E-ehh!? I know I'm a succubus and all but… Please don't use me as a body pillow…! I-I can feel you against my body, you know!?"

He didn't leave the river for a long time after us.

* * *

Part two will be uploaded shorty, This chapter just became so long it became difficult to deal with on our side!


	5. Chapter 4 - Second Half

**Chapter 4.5 - A Lesson for this Pay2win! - Second Half**

* * *

After a night of much rustling from outside, I encountered a very worn out looking Revi.

Behind him, a very happy looking Rorisa.

"What's wrong prince, did the snake keep you up?"

He only responded with a poker face.

…

"…Can I have some breakfast please?"

Oh, do keep dreaming, my sweet summer child!

"Of course! Go find your own! Just don't expect us to give you any."

I'm sure I was positively gleaming right now.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying this after all. Revi torture plan was worth it in the end, it seems.

Komekko came out after me, finishing off her morning sausage.

"Oi, loli, don't play with your food like that!"

I-is she licking it like that on purpose?

"Hmmmmph? It's a bit salty, but still delicious."

It's all fine, Iris, you're overthinking again.

It's not like I'm deprived or anything. Nope.

At least the prince is showing his first real signs of life today.

With a 'POOF!' the magic house disappeared back into a box it could in no rational way fit.

Rorisa came up as we packed away the last of our gear-

"I believe we will reach the village today, as well as the road was clear of monsters as far as I could see. Um…Um… I haven't mentioned it before but, I don't think it's safe for me to enter the Crimson Demon Village proper, they are way too good at seeing through enchantments and beguiling you know?"

Hmmmm.

"Ahh, the Devil can vouch for this, last time a demon dared to enter, it didn't end well for her… and it made a hole in our wall…"

Oh?

Does Komekko seem a little traumatized?

"(sniff)…it took three months for Dad to earn enough to patch the hole… it was winter… "

Just what does her father do for a living!?

"Never fear Komekko! I, as Prince of Elroad, will never let such hardship befall you!"

"…The Devil is confused, how should the penniless, beginner archer Ravi-san go about helping her overcome any hardships?"

"…Komekko is really harsh today for some reason."

Aha, I see.

A sugar daddy without any cheddar just ain't so sweet huh?

Well, I think it's time to raise my stocks.

"Here, I'll take mercy on you and feed you some of my sausage, say 'aaaaaah'."

"Somehow this looks really wrong, does Iris really swing that way? And no fair, you said we were both going to tease him all day!?"

Stop confessing to the plan, pipsqueak!

"…Somehow I knew you put Komekko up to this… But I'll thank you for the sausage."

Hey, just as long as you know who's packing the meat in this relationship.

After that, it was the drudgery of walking.

I miss teleports.

And carriages.

I even miss oversized flying bat transports!

You know what I don't miss though?

Not being able to heal my own foot sores.

* * *

 **Part 4**

* * *

"Hmm? What's that?"

Before us was a hastily-crafted sign with an obscure warning written on it.

"Ohh… It's just the orcs. They live around our village. Shouldn't be too big of a problem, they are only into boys. We—oh… "

Orcs? Boys? I don't remember orcs having any gender bias…!

"Wait, the face you're making is extremely worrying! What's wrong with them liking… boys? As in, me?"

"Well… you see; due to various circumstances… Male orcs are nearly extinct so they chase down human males. In large packs."

Oh, oh, I remember Kazuma-san telling me something about this.

"Didn't Kazuma-san nearly die to these orcs?"

"Hold on, this is all part of your ploy, right? You two are just teasing me, right!?"

"We wish we were. Look, you have two choices to getting you to the village unscarred. One, we hide you. Problem is, hiding one person with three is rather difficult. Two, we convince them you're a girl. Problem is…"

Komekko took a pause for dramatic effect.

"… I heard the orcs love feminine boys even more, so we'll have to do a real good job of dressing you up, or else…"

"Enough! Why do these nightmarishly perverse creatures even exist!? Why is everything going against me today!?"

"Alternatively, option three, we can run through and hope the orcs don't catch a glimpse of you. If they do, however, we can only let nature run its course. Worst case scenario, I'll have to personally heal several muscles on your body. Not too big of a deal, if you ask me."

"Mmhmm, not even the Devil can deal with such enormous hordes of orcs."

"… Do… do your worst. I mean—best."

Revi looked both embarrassed and scared at the same time…

Could he be—

* * *

That's a good prince.

"Grr! It's so tight! You know it's not designed to hold the…"

Rorisa lent Revi her casual dress and went back to wearing the succubus lingerie herself.

"Hmm, I don't think it's that big of a problem. There's not much for it to hold, thankfully."

…And to make him also smell like a girl, Komekko and I lent him our dirtiest pieces of undergarment.

Needless to say, we did such a good job that even humans would think Revi is female, forget orcs.

"Hey! Now isn't the time for such lowly insults! Get me through this hellhole already!"

A few minutes later.

Our worst fears came true.

A sneaky orc scout spotted Revi instantly, and…

"Run faster, spoiled prince! Weren't you supposed to be fast?"

"S-screw you all! How am I supposed to run in this… costume!? Ahh, it's gonna slip out!"

"It's either that or a real-life playback of what traumatized Kazuma-san for life. Your pick!"

"Seriously! They've almost caught up! They're grabbing at my dress! Ah, Ahhhh!"

Hmm, that's enough for now.

"Rorisa, bail him out!"

We got what we want. It's time to move on~

"[Hallucinate]!"

Yep, the tier two skill in the [Charm] series that Rorisa tested on me last night.

It took a miracle catch of an ultra-rare onion mandarin.

Normally, I would have fought to preserve such an endangered species—

—But I'm an adventurer who minds her own business now.

Back in the present, the orcs chasing Revi suddenly halted.

…And began to ogle at each other.

"Seriously!? Why did I have to dress like this anyway? Was it for no reason!?"

"Well, to be fair, there was a reason, and you've suspected it already."

Around us, the orcs were both confused and excited.

As if they're about to wrestle each other in the lewd way.

"AHHHHHH JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

* * *

As the sun set, we came upon the outer edges of the village.

It looks… more normal than I thought.

I'm actually a bit let down.

Noticing my expression though—

"Ahh, since we came in the seldom used back entrance, all the normal tourist traps- I mean attractions are on the other side. Also, um…Rorisa-nee? I think this is as close as you should come, no telling how far out the anti-demon defenses go nowadays…"

"Ahh, Right..well…I shall await you all here then! Please don't take too long, I don't want to get discovered by the legendary NEET brigade around here."

I-is Rorisa shivering?

"Take care, the Devil will miss you! Ok…time to show off my old domain, hehehe" she said, waving to Rorisa as she retreated to the safety of the treeline.

With that, Komekko guided us to the famous town center with the supremely well sculpted griffin statue.

…

WHAT?!

"Peanuts, get your roasted peanuts here!"

"Lucky charms, get your arch-mage acquiring charms here, special discount on female pulling ones!"

"…And here we have the famous Crimson Demon Village, any parties looking for new members take notice of the tavern here. Any men seeking wives also take notice of the tavern here, and buy the ladies lots of expensive drinks!"

Since when did this place have this kind of bazar?

Since when was it a tourist trap?!

Komekko, spotting someone familiar, ran over to the tour guide and pulled on the hem of her dress.

"Ahh, Komekko-chan! Fancy seeing you here, visiting home?"

"Not if I can help it Nerimaki-nee. Nerimaki-nee, you are laying it on a bit thick with advertising your family's tavern here. It is the only one in the village. I also see Nerimaki-nee's Husband Delivery Service has blossomed. Has Nerimaki-nee's service delivered her a husband yet as well? I hear Nerimaki-nee is fast becoming the oldest unwed girl in the-"

What a powerful psychological attack, I must learn this magic for future use.

"What is kome-chan saying hahaha? Oh…could this be…Wait…D…Did even little Kome-chan get a man before me!?"

I've seen that look before.

It's the look of a girl staring spinsterhood in the face.

Thanks for teaching me many things, Lalatina.

I swear I won't make the same mistake!

"Excuse us, we are Komekko's party! I'm Alice and this is Ravi! Please don't mind our appearance, we just hiked in from Axel using the old road."

"Ahhh, I see, Well…welcome! Feel free to visit my family's bar and tavern over there, we recently expanded into a grill as well, providing the villages first business rivalry with the cafe. As you may have guessed, the village has become a hotspot now for adventurer parties looking for genuine crimson demons to add to their ranks! Also, for men hoping to catch a red eyed bride, hehe..."

Revi raised his eyebrows at that last remark.

"T-They successfully commercialized their unequal gender birth rate and turned it into an economic powerhouse? That's amazing, brilliant! Who thought of such a thing?!"

"Ahaha, well..the husband of a certain famous girl from here…"

…I should have known.

While Revi looked confused about who could only possibly be my former onii-sama, a couple of….VERY pretty red-eyed girls came over to Revi and…

"Ohh, aren't you a handsome looking little thing, I can't wait to start pumping mana into your tiny—"

"Shut it, dropout; our babies would cast stronger spells than you."

 _"HIIISSSSSS!"_

Komekko jumped in between them and Revi, looking like a tomcat ready to throw down.

"I thought we escaped from the orcs already! Protect me Kome-chan!"

Cowed into silence by Komekko's alpha predator transformation, the girls backed away with fearful faces… then turned and ran off.

Wow, she actually did it, that absolute mad devil.

And Nerimaki—

—Right, the reason we're here.

"…I'm sorry, Nerimaki-san was it? I don't suppose you know 'the villages number-one doll maker' do you?"

"Eh, shouldn't you already know who that is?"

* * *

She looked to Komekko, who shrugged, then struck a flamboyant pose.

"Muhahaha, knowst ye not the legend of the Crimson Demon's greatest practitioner of miniature voodoo arts? It's none other then this little ones mother… Yuiyui-senpai!"

Komekko's mom? Well, that simplifies things—

"M-m-m-m my mother!?"

Eh!?

With that Komekko turned towards Revi and knocked the wind out of him with her purse, wearing the sweetest smile I had seen yet on her.

…Which also happens to be the fakest. This could not end well.

"Ravi-san! Uhhh…. You are very tired and hungry after all the harsh training, the Devil would like to reward you! Please go and first enjoy our villages luxurious 'mixed bath', then have a nice hot meal at the cafe! I insist, really… _Don't, you, hold, back_!"

"Ahh, Komekko really does have a kind heart after all, so touching. All right, I shall do so! Thank you! Also, I will surely pay you back so don't worry ok?"

" _You're very, very much welcome! Don't wait, let's get moving right away! Right, a, way!"_

"O-okay, I'm going then, thanks again Kome-chan, you are the best!"

" _That's right, keep moving! I said, keep, moving! And no need to come looking for us, we will find you! …tee-hee… ugh…"_

With Revi's back receding into the distance, Komekko leaned over, shaking from head to foot.

What an interesting betrayal this has been.

"Your attitude changed pretty drastically back there."

"Iris-san…"

And then she grabbed my shoulders in a death grip, and stared straight into my soul.

"Listen to me very carefully; under no circumstances, _what-so-ever_ , is my mother to learn of Revi's existence."

Is there a problem with him?

"Tell her not to worry; he's not here to buy out her village."

"No, it's just…"

For the first time ever, I saw Komekko blush.

Has she finally come of age and realized what she's been doing!?

"If my mother hears 'male party member', and 'prince' and 'rich' at the same time… L-look, I'm not trying to undermine Revi-san here; in fact, I quite like him… But I'm not ready to become an adult yet! The last time she had a boy in her house, he escaped despite her efforts. This time…"

Given the extreme panic I'm seeing, she must be genuinely scared.

"So, what happened to the boy…!?"

"Listen, did onii-sama ever tell you about when he met my mother?"

Dammit, don't use that word, ever again!

"Are you saying Kazuma—"

"She locked nee-chan and nii-chan in her old room with one set of bedding for three days! Ahh, only after she heard he was loaded of course."

Yuiyui is a woman who would sell the gifts of nature for money…!

Despite how ridiculous all of this sounds, if those stories were true…

"Ah… Alright, for the sake of your chastity, I'll keep quiet. Wait, why don't we keep that cross-dress on him? I think it would work pretty well on humans."

"She knows a boy when she sees one. She could tell a male egg from a female one!"

You could have just told me she wasn't human to begin with!

* * *

Five minutes later, we were standing in front of said mother's residence.

It looks fairly normal.

"Ah, don't be fooled, this isn't the actual house I was raised in. That got destroyed in a demon king army attack. My parents went into debt to build this house. Food was always short before, but afterwards… Well, nii-sama moved me into the mansion afterwards out of concern for me…"

Far be it from him not to dote on a little girl.

Well, time to do what I was best at—!

I knocked the door and waited patiently.

After some rustling;

"Hello? This is Yuiyui's personal maid. She's currently busy working elsewhere and not in any mood to talk about debts. Please kindly leave."

Maid? Are there even any maids in this entire village?

"Mother, cut that out! It's me, It's me! Your second daughter!"

"My—I mean, Yuiyui-sama's daughter—she's like a daughter to me—does not currently live here. If you're interested in helping to feed her, however, feel free to leave some donations at the door."

"Mother, I am losing patience… I am not hungry, so open the door!"

"…My son-in—master Yuiyui warned me about the 'It's me, it's me' scam… It's not working, give up."

"Mom! You have exactly three seconds before I add a new door to your list of things to pay for."

And thus, we were invited in for tea.

"Pardon the cheap tea we serve here, I am Yuiyui, mother of this impulsive girl."

"Um, hello, I am Alice, a member of Komekko's party. Pleased to meet you."

And with that, the conversation stopped dead.

Shouldn't this be a teary reunion?

"Ah, Alice-san… This may be an odd thing to ask, but could you stand up for a second? I want to see more of your… gear!"

"…"

What an odd thing to ask. This conversation has derailed already.

Perhaps it's only the local hospitality—

"Hmmm, very nice skirt you have there. The fabric is hard yet not so—"

"Uueee!?"

Suddenly, she grabbed me.

In _that_ area, no less…!

"Dammit, not a boy."

My eyebrow twitching I explained " Um...Noooo. I am all girl."

"Indeed, fortun—unfortunately, all the members of my party are female, so no potential mates, sadly. Besides, I am still too young for marriage, so… _please give up…_ "

Yuiyui regarded us both with a look of concern.

"…All girls huh? Well… While I don't really have issue with that kind of relationship, you girls really ought to consider—"

Really, mommy-sama… It's not like that!

* * *

After some more…pleasantries, we finally got to talking about other matters.

"Judging by your…development…I assume your sister and her husband have been taking good care of you hmm? How are things in Axel, might I ask?"

I was mildly curious about this myself.

"Ah, it's hard to sleep at their mansion at night, with all the noise. The smell that results is kind of pervasive to boot. Those two never seem to tire of it either."

Komekko, she asked you about yourself, not _them_!

"Indeed, the couch and table even have had to be cleaned by Aqua-nee to get the stains out…"

S-stains!?

They really haven't a care for modesty do they!?

"I see, well..it's to be expected. It takes time to learn the ropes and get them trained after all."

They're… doing all this… after…

In another timeline, he would be doing this to…

Shut up! Brain! Stop being distracted and get to the point!

"Yes, well…I think the worst of it is past now though, I think it's safe to come and see the twins at any time I think."

Twins? What tw-

"Ahh, I finally get to see the faces of my long awaited grandchildren!"

"It really is quite sad, nee-san was hoping her chest would grow when she became a mother…"

"GAAAAAAAH! …Pardon me, it's the allergy. My… nose doesn't like this particular breed of tea at all."

"Ah… I knew adding strips of old newspaper to boost flavour had its side effects…"

How dare you hide this critical information from me.

I mean, the 'noises' part, not the newspaper.

Don't forget who invited you to their party in the first place…!

"I see you're a kind mother who wants only the best for her children. In that case, I have good news for you! Although there are no boys in our humble party, Komekko has been getting along well with a rather wealthy man who seems to fancy her at the guild. He's a bit lacking in morals, but I'm sure that's no big deal."

Komekko spat her tea out.

"Really!? Oh that's great news! I agree, morals often times only serve to hinder one's true greatness, such as… Hold on… Wealthy and lacking in morals, you said?"

I have to admit, that look of desperation as you make 'No Go!' motions with your arms is pretty cute, Kome-chan!

"Komekko! No matter his lolicon tendencies, your sister's husband is off limits. I forbid you from seducing Kazuma-san!"

"I don't deny what you said about nii-sama's tendencies, but I assure you that no such thing will happen, mother! I am merely his innocent, non-blood related little sister after all..."

Doesn't that just make it _more_ likely to happen?

In fact, did this girl take _my_ former role?

…

I feel some sense of defeat here.

"Well, if that is the case, my daughter, then do bring said man by and introduce him at your earliest convenience."

"That won't happen. If I were ever to acquire such a person, you will be the last one to know!"

Ohh, that delicious mother-daughter argument.

I wonder if somewhere in the world is a devil who feasts on such feelings.

I would let it go on, but it's time to get back on topic.

"So um, Yuiyui-san was it? I have it on good authority that you are a gifted doll maker?"

For the first time tonight, she regarded me with something resembling a professional air, rather than as a matron.

"...We prefer the term 'Tiny Voodoo Arts' in our language, but yes. I was forced to learn after Komekko threatened to unleash more evil gods if I didn't give her some toys to play with."

What does she mean, _more_?!

"I have a plenty of money, so...if you could be so kind. We would like to commission a doll!"

Things went fairly smoothly after that.

Watching Yuiyui-san work was...frankly soothing.

As a princess, I was never actually allowed to play with simple dolls.

"And with that, done! One signature crimson demon schoolgirl doll...I christin it…Bibimin!"

Again with that naming…

But...it is...really, really cute!

Reminds me of Big Boss, in her early days.

"Ah, Komekko, we got sidetracked a bit before...but as we discussed, about Kazuma-san's tendencies, or any other gentlemen. Your mother would like to verify that you are still...usable. Alice-san, if you don't mind waiting here just a moment…"

Using a mother's authority, the red as a tomato faced Komekko was taken into the next room and…

"Mother, thanks but I can undress myself!"

"...I am only keeping your best interest in mind here, dear… Now, drop'em before I get the hairbrush."

"Uwaa, Mom!"

Well, really, I can't blame her.

Claire did the same thing to me after each time Kazuma visited.

Though I think that was more of an excuse, let's not speak of that.

* * *

 **Part 5**

* * *

A while later.

We were heading back towards the village cafe.

"Ahh, I got to see Komekko blush twice in one day, didn't see that coming."

It's a shame Revi missed it.

… Or is it a good thing that he missed it?

"Uwaa…I feel so violated...and even with my higher resistance, that dang hairbrush still stung!"

Next time just do as your poor mom says, hehe.

"So...is that the real story? Is your mom really responsible for those two getting together?"

Komekko seemed to dwell on that question a bit;

"...I'm pretty sure it would have happened anyway."

… …

Yeah, thought so.

Even with all the unnecessary commotion, we still got our doll as promised.

Startlingly, a surge of pleasure ran through me the moment I received the doll.

Not _that_ kind of pleasure; it was a strong sense of accomplishment.

"Koooomekko! Aliiiiiiice! Over here!"

No, Revi, we literally can't see you when you're standing 5 meters away.

…The size of this cafe really isn't anything to write home about.

We informed him of our successful mission, and no further details, at Komekko's express institance.

"Uwaa, my purse feels quite a bit lighter? Ravi-san is an expensive date."

The blushing prince returned it to her.

"So, we got the doll situation handled. Here."

"...Oh, this thing is strangely cute! I...I'm kind of tempted to acquire one for myself…"

If only I had one of those magic audio recorders.

Breaking news: Elroad's prince wants to play with dolls.

Heck, he might even want some miniature bat panties to go with it, knowing him.

Anyways, time to get back to our real reason for coming here…

"Okay, the Devil has just set the first teleportation node of her life, and Rorisa will be the first customer to experience the great power of this skill!"

* * *

"Um, are we sure it's safe for me to be here? I mean, don't they say there's a wand behind every blade of grass?"

Roria stepped nervously side to side, as if she expected the crimson NEETs to pop out and spell chop her to bits.

"Not to worry, no one really cares about this area on the edge of the village; by that I mean previously the Demon Army was able to infiltrate nearly into the center of the village coming from this side." Said Komekko as she pulled a few vines off the apparent entrance of the facility.

Wouldn't that normally lead to increasing said security?

"...This entranceway seems really stout, whatever this guarded must have been very valuable!"

I can see the Eris symbols in your eyes, prince.

"No Crimson Demon was ever able to figure out the seal on this place, but Kazuma nii-chan confessed to the Devil about it so….There!"

With a thunk, the heavy, reinforced door slid open.

I-it's real dark in there.

Rorisa stepped forward though and-

"Hmm...I can't sense any monsters or demonic presences here…Here, I'll light up-"

Suddenly, Komekko stepped forward;

"Wait! Since this is the Devil's home village, let her do this honor for just this time, please! ...Plus, other mages and wizards might detect your ghost fire as an intruder."

"Hmm? Alright, I guess; as long as you don't blow-"

"Aye! Shine, my [Dark Orb of Light]!"

Ahhhhh…!

This 'dark orb' is brighter than Komekko's youthful spirit!

Holding a short wand that she kept on her person, she stepped through the entranceway, guiding us poor mortals sans night vision skills inside.

"So dependable! ...Unlike someone I know…"

"Funny..I was thinking the same thing!"

"Wait why is it a dark orb if it's purpose is to emit light?" Rorisa said.

"Because reasons, obviously!", replied our devil while flaring her cape.

"Asking that question in this village of all places…"

Revi then performed a perfect theatrical facepalm.

"Yes... I should have known better."

P-please don't look so dejected.

...Hey.

Doesn't this place look really well...advanced, right?

"Is it just me or...does this place remind you of the R&D labs you showed me back in elroad..."

"Eh? Well,indeed...but...frankly..I get the impression our labs are well...crude..compared to what this once was."

"Don't compare your facilities to ours! The Crimson Demon clan is superior to all!"

The rats don't own the maze, Komekko-chan.

Come to think of it...Why do old ruins and ancient technology seem to be so much more advanced than we use today anyway?

Isn't progress only supposed to move forward?

"This world is really mysterious isn't it...ahh, don't touch that, it looks like something Kazuma showed me once...a 'toilet deodorant', I think it was."

Come to think of it, I think I saw Vanir-san trying to hawk them too…

Komekko turned back towards us and said "Oh, I remember those, nii-chan came home with a whole box of them and Aqua-nee threw then out, screeching they were unneeded so long as she was there, so don't take away her reason for existing...or something like that."

The 'Lost Kingdom of Norse" …

Just what the hell happened that so little survived?

I mean sure the destroyer was bad and all but..

Nothing left?

"Careful komekko...! It's really dark in here even with light... Maybe we should hold hands... No not you, thirsty prince."

"I-I didn't want to anyway!"

…

Then why are you glaring at me while clutching the corner of Komekko's cape?

"...Is Iris-san scared of the dark? Your hand is trembling, and you're squeezing hard enough for it to turn white-"

Komekko suddenly outed me.

"No need to mention that! You're doing this on purpose aren't you?!"

"Hmm? Well yes… You did ask me to cast the spell...right?"

How she manages to keep that innocent face, I'll never know.

"E-enough of that already, let's keep walking!"

It's not like I'm actually afraid of the dark or anything.

"Um... Even if I'm a succubus, Revi-san, you are still only a friend; so please move your hand away from there…"

After that, he kept his hands to himself.

Good.

"Hmm, what's this thing?"

Wait!

"Ohhh onii-sama told me about this. Isn't this a gacha-something?!"

"What's this? How is this supposed to work?" said Revi as he poked at the device.

Like...this?

I put a 100 eris coin in the slot like Kazuma said and…

…

Nothing happened.

"I think it's broken! I'm tempted to just crack it open. This material doesn't seem very resistant to royal boots..."

"Ahh! You can't just jam an Eris in! It clearly uses a different currency! Don't smash it you berserker princess! It has great research value!"

"Please stop flirting and focus on the mission..." admonished the abnormally temperamental succubus.

"...Revi's eyes seem to physically light up when he senses potential profit… T-the Devil finds it kinda cool."

"Hehe... I'm pretty cool huh, Komekko?"

"Oi. Now those two are flirting, Rorisa-san. Please rebuke them too, Rorisa-san…!"

"Oh, I think I see a door up ahead!"

"Don't just ignore me... Oh, there is a door?"

Sure enough. Before us stood a very impressive, heavily made, reinforced WTF-ly door.

"Even to the Devil who is highly educated in the field of explosions, this door looks explosion proof…" Komekko said, tapping on it with her fingers.

Please don't try to take it down to prove anything.

"So, how are we supposed to get in then? Useless prince, you're only reliable in weird moments like this, right? Come on, work your magic!"

"W-well... there is some writing of sorts...Can't read it though."

We have eyes, too, you know?

"Actually, I think I may have a enchantment to help with that; it's particular to demons so you might not know of it…" Rorisa unexpectedly cut in.

Why does she look nervous then?

Blushing brightly, she raised her staff at Revi and cast-

"[Desire Sense]!"

… x 3

"That's a yummy name! The Devil Approves."

"Wow… I can understand it now… !"

Oh.

I hope that didn't do what I think it did.

She's able to understand a foreign text without any sort of translation…

"Uhh that skill… it sounded frankly dangerous. Why would a succubus have access to something like that?"

"W-well, some customers are… shy when it comes to certain… _needs_. This skill can detect objects with strong emotions attached to it, also. Don't worry, keep quiet and it won't-"

"Ah…! Choo! Ugh, the dust in this place is really… "

Revi sneezed at a very critical moment.

…

"Oh my, Revi-san… You've had quite a rough childhood. And, if you keep thinking of _that_ , you'll end up having a very annoying mother-in-law."

"!?"

…I knew it! This guy… This whole experience has only worsened the situation.

"...I see. A kind-hearted maiden, a devil's advocate, a grand disappointment, and a trustworthy successor'? ...Do we have any of those?" Rorisa continued after carefully inspecting the scripture.

Isn't that like-

-Kinda maybe

Us?

If I were to make a quick guess, Revi would definitely be the _grand disappointment_ , Haha.

Seriously though, I'm uncertain.

We have a devil for sure, but am I supposed to be the successor or the maiden?

"Ahh, well… I think we are not the ones; there are frankly no grand disappointments in this party even by Elroad standards."

I wish that were true, prince of disappointment!

Maybe this needs the wisdom of a local.

"Hhm... Komekko-chan, you've lived in this crazy village for a while, do you know anything about this thing?"

However, she just looked bashful and said;

"Uwaaa, I'm sorry, the Devil has no idea about this particular seal. I assume that means there are no dark beings behind it, such a disappointment."

Don't be disappointed about that!

Just then, the useless Revi who had been looking over the door with his hand to his chin, as if he was doing something useful said;

"...Well, um...how does this sound? This was made by Crimson Demons I suppose?"

Well, that's a fair assumption.

Komekko just tilted her head.

"...Then isn't fair to say that whatever the answer is , it must be the stup- *cough...coolest thing they could think of?" Revi said before striking a distorted version of a pose Komekko had used.

"Maybe I could understand the Crimson Demons' _cool_ logic better if I… acted like one." he said, barely keeping his balance.

Oh please Revi, don't make me laugh again!

"Good idea as always, Revi-san! Let the Devil join you!"

She didn't pick up his sarcasm at all!

And with that she joined him with the ridiculous posing.

Really, just what are these two-

Ehh!?

Two lights appeared on the door.

"Ahh, th-the portions of text that read ' _Grand Disappointment_ ' and ' _Trustworthy Successor_ ' just lit up!"

I called it! I knew Revi was the _Grand Disappointment_.

And after all, Komekko did slay a major demon army general…

So that leaves Rorisa as the _Devil's Advocate_ and I the _Kind-hearted Maiden_.

"Hmm...Could it be, these little things in the door are...eyes?" Rorisa continued to make shocking interpretations.

If so, that'd be creepy AF!

"If they really are possessed eyeballs, they'd sell great at the auction house... H-hey Iris, please stop embracing me, you're getting a bit too close for comfort…!"

Now isn't the time to be homophobic, you succubus! Didn't you say you occasionally served female customers as well!?

"I know you're joking… But seriously, stop; I have a weak stomach, you know!"

They look so-

-Slimy and gross and fishy and smelly and… Urghhh!

"Who's joking? These might be worth a fortune! Imagine! Doors that open for their masters!"

"Is money all you can think of?! Use your brain! Who the hell wants a door that can watch you sleep at night!?"

…!

"So...what now? We've found two of the requirements, apparently. The eyeballs are interesting, but they don't look tasty so let's get on with it, the Devil is bored. Maybe the Devil should blow this place up and head back for lunch."

How could you use 'eyeballs' and 'tasty' in the same sentence with a straight face!?

"...Hey, I was only making fun of your stupid poses… I mean, that was only a part of my act. I acted like I was mocking the Crimson Ditzes when in fact I had discovered the way to unlock the door. After all, the _Trustworthy Successor_ of Elroad is no exaggeration!"

"No, you dimwit; you're obviously the _Grand Disappointment_ ; I think we can all agree on that! Komekko is an incredible Demon General-slaying heroine to the Crimson Demon bloodline, no way that she has disappointed anyone."

"...Well…to be fair, mom was pretty disappointed at me lying to her about Revi a few moments ago…"

Unless those creepy eyes belonged to Yuiyui herself, that's unlikely.

But something tells me that someone like Yuiyui being involved in the creation of this door isn't all that unlikely.

"Although it is indeed a bit creepy, at least it seems we are making progress... Those eyes must be looking for something... Maybe there are more clues?" Our resident Eldritch entity said, dismissing the faux ones on the door.

"These decorations… they look humanoid. Four depictions of… _dancers_? _Psychos_?" Said our worthless detective as he poked the eyes, stating the obvious.

"Those are such cool poses, the Devil wants them all!"

Looking closely, two of the glyphs do resemble the utterly spastic poses Revi and Komekko made. _Unintentionally_.

This whole "Crimson Demon culture" is starting to drive me insane.

How in Eris's name did this race come to be?

Just then, Rorisa moved to-

"Hmm... This pose right here... Like this?"

She proceeded to kneel down, look up and open her mouth wide with her palms extended.

...I genuinely hope this was meant to be a rain divining prayer pose of some sort.

Nevertheless-

"H-hey, the text for _Kind-hearted Maiden_ just lit up."

… …

Ehhh!?

Rorisa… Maiden!?

Does that mean she has never physically…

I will never understand how succubi operate!

Rather… That means _I_ am the _Devil's Advocate_!?

And all of you, stop staring at me like that so expectantly!

"Oi… Come on now, _Devil's Advocate_. Put half the effort you do in our arguments into this amazing pose right here and we'll make it through the door."

So much for my Revi torture plan.

Fine, I'll make this as graceful as possible. I did learn numerous forms of ballroom dancing after all.

"Easy enough. Then...witness me!"

Aaaaaaaand-

Nothing happened.

"...These eyes must be blind. I copied the essence of this pose perfectly and made it even better-looking!"

"Oi...Iris...did you… by any chance… have had some difficulty during your dance lessons?"

...Out of all the lessons I had to learn as a princess, I excelled in most of them except those accursed dancing lessons.

"It's fine. I won't embarrass you further. Allow me to fix your pose and put this 'incident' behind us."

He must be climaxing seeing me fail right now…!

"Hey, I didn't let you touch me! Back off!"

I thought you "moved on from me", prince criminal scum!

"No no no! That's not the main issue! Her legs need to be spread out further! Here, let the Devil help!"

I am a human being, not a doll!

"Um, no… I think the perspective makes it seem like her hand might go beside the legs when it should go between..."

 _Et tu_ , Rorisa?!

"Hey...! Stop that tickles...! Hnn...! Hey, one of you is touching someplace that isn't even related to the pose!"

"Sorry, it reminded the Devil of a snack she loved…"

I'm not food either!

"Ahhh! All of you, get-"

 _Click._

Thank Eris, the last light came on and the door slowly slid open.

Or should I be thanking Regina instead? She's the one in charge at the moment.

"Come on, Miss Devil, stop masturbating in public and get moving."

For the first time, I'm at a loss for comebacks.

Instead of throwing a fit and discarding what's left of my dignity, I stood up in the most professional way I could muster.

"Hmmph. That was chaotic. I'd've preferred if you three didn't move my body for me. Let's all forget this ever happened."

"S-sorry, and indeed! That was an interesting mechanism. I would have expected a more secure and practical lock, but a little crazy can be fun." Rorisa reflected.

 _Fun!?_

"I thought this spoiled princess wanted to try out the rough life of adventure but all she does is complain. There aren't any bodyguards out here; it's your own responsibility to keep your body safe. Suck it up!"

"You know what else we don't have out here? Limitless cash! I'm never lending you anything ever!"

"Not even a _hand_? Teehee."

...Rorisa? Did you just…!?

* * *

"I...isn't that a teleport circle? The magic looks familiar."

T-this must be it...the hidden entrance to underground Norse.

"How exciting! We're about to go somewhere nobody has gone to in thousands of years, right?"

Why are you so hyped, maiden succubus-chan?

"Hold up! We can't go in just like that! And it's just occuring to me now, but doesn't Rorisa-san seem more excited than her usual self?"

Even Revi noticed?

"Ahh.. Didn't she say she was there before the… Reckoning happened? The Devil is jealous!"

Oh, is this like returning to her childhood school for her?

In response, our usually collected Rorisa-san fidgeted around and-

"Well, you see...I left this wonderful bag of devil snacks in my old locker!"

….

….

"Hey! They _NEVER_ made any more! They may be the last ones _EVER_!"

"Even the Devil would hesitate to eat food after so long... Ah, I'll still eat it, but I will hesitate"

"...Exactly how long I wonder? OK! Let's get this show on the road, everyone...take positions!"

The familiar teleport effect cleared and our eyes adjusted.

We're presented with-

"Uh, anyone got a light?"

-Pitch blackness.

Of course! The place is underground and hasn't been visited for centuries.

"[Ghost Flame]! We really take lighting for granted, but here we are…"

Dang! Now our eyes will have to adjust again!

"Woah…!" x4

I have to say, I have never seen this style of architecture before.

* * *

 **Part 6**

* * *

By some eldritch dark magic, the facility lit itself up the moment Rorisa casted her spell.

And unlike the lamps we're used to, the lights were tiny fixtures built into the ceiling and arranged in a perfect grid.

The ceiling, by the way, is huge.

No, the whole chamber is huge. And white. All the walls and the floor are paved with large white tiles.

But that's not even the most surprising part.

"Wow, what a large chamber! ...Why is it empty?"

It seems that whatever happened aboveground didn't affect this secret lab a whole lot.

But judging by the faint marks on the floor, most of the machines or furniture or whatever alien cauldrons they had were removed at some point.

Gee, I wonder where they took them.

"Great question, Komekko! Why not ask your ancestors? They just might know a thing or two about that."

"Whatever we're supposed to find should probably be still in this facility… We just got to search for it." Said Revi thoughtfully.

"Wow, I'm glad to hear that you still remember our mission. Look, if strategizing about things other than profit isn't your forte, please just keep your mouth shut."

This penniless prince thinks seeing me in an embarrassing pose makes himself superior somehow.

"Come on everyone! Let's go explore this facility already!"

But Rorisa is already gone.

"Hey… how do you know this isn't just a very different looking dungeon? What if we find another pit of spiders or something worse?"

"Well, at least I have Teleport at ready in case anything goes wrong."

"Right…and I have spellbinding now, so you could heal from a distance, Iris!"

"...So you're telling Komekko to follow Rorisa alone while you sit back here with the healer, huh?"

Not that Komekko minds; she's already off.

"Hey, you know… Your insults don't hurt me. I've already seen you naked. Twice! I honestly can't ever see you as a pure princess again."

Huh!?

What is this, he's actually fighting back effectively now!?

I-

"Stop! Thieves!"

-A shout echoed from the far end of the room.

Thieves!? Where? Who? Is she talking about the _Masked Thief_?

"Sorry, prince, I've got more important matters to tend to."

Dropping that perfect comeback, I ran towards the hallway where Rorisa and Komekko disappeared into earlier.

"Stop right here nya! This area is off limits nya!"

…!?

The one shouting seems to be some kind of a human hybrid monster.

Gee, got my hopes up.

Only a few minutes later and they have already run into the first monster in this laboratory!

"[Damage Boost]!"

"Ah, Komekko, wait-"

"Thanks Iris! Die, you cat-eared hell-spawn! [Fireball]!"

"You dare stop Komekko-chan!? [Enchanted Arrow: Holy Water]!"

We instantly attacked without question.

"Nyaa-!?"

…!

After the smoke cleared-

"Nyaa… Rather than thieves, you are more like terrorists nya!"

-It's unscathed…!

Well, save for the arrow stuck in its arm, which it casually removed.

"Why don't you explain yourself before calling us, the four Chosen Pilgrims 'terrorists'!? We won't hesitate to unleash a second wave of far more serious attacks that will surely destroy this entire place!" Announced Komekko, switching into a saintly, righteous pose.

Very surprising for someone who insists that she's a devil.

Revi, seeing her confrontation, quickly wiped the shocked look off his face and drew an Eris symbol across his chest before pretending to pray.

True, there is no reason to use our real identities here.

We don't know how powerful this monster really is; the best tactic is probably to intimidate it into submission and avoid fighting.

...Right?

"Please excuse her outburst. She is Komekko the Banisher, the Holy Caster of our pilgrim party. I am Iris V the Warden, the leader of our crus-"

"Ah, she still jokes in this occasion. That's the Warden for you. I am Revius X the Archangel, also the real leader of our-"

"Lying is a sin, you know? How should we retrieve the Holy Relic if we are impure ourselves? You need to repent and-"

"Everyone, please. I don't think she means harm! Excuse them, we're not here to steal anything…"

Suddenly, this succubus broke all of our pretense.

"Not stealing nya? I'm not quite convinced after what happened to the foyer nya… What is with this pilgrim business nya?"

"Look we're not… pilgrims or anything, but we are looking for a relic. By the way, I'm Rorisa, a training succubus… Please take care."

Ugh… I can't believe a succubus just made me look bad.

At least the monster isn't attacking us yet; so I guess we could calm down a little.

"Is that so… Well nya, I am the robot in charge of maintaining this laboratory nya! If there is anything you're looking for, I'm sure I know about it nya! As long as you won't steal any of the equipment nya, like those weird red-eyed wizards from a long time ago nya."

Komekko looked away nonchalantly, as if that will hide her eyes.

But… a-a robot?

"Robot? What is that? Some kind of human-cat hybrid?"

"No nya! Robots are… golems, but made of metal nya. And the cat… Well, that's a longer story nya."

No wonder the attacks did no harm to her.

"Hooooh! I remember Megumin-neesan talking about figures of cat-eared small girls wearing tight, dark blue, sleeveless bodysuits… Are they related to you somehow?"

Speaking of which… This cat-ish 'robot' does look artificially designed.

More specifically, she looks to be about the same size as us, in more ways than one.

In addition, she's also wearing a maid costume...

Except modified to cover about as much skin as a thief's attire. Perhaps even less.

From this, I conclude that whoever designed her-

"Alright everynya, since this place is very large, I will answer your questions as we tour nya!"

-Must be a lolicon.

* * *

A lot of walking later.

"Ahh… so you were only activated after the nation of Norse fell to take care of this underground complex?"

"Unfortunately so nya. I never got to see my original designer nya…"

Good!

The never seeing her designer part. Her not knowing any history is a tragedy for me.

"And you speak like a cat because you're forced to?"

"It's like hiccups nya. I can't control it nya."

We really are getting quite deep into the facility.

The hallways have broadened into tunnels, and we're now walking on catwalks (lol) towards a large chamber.

"...You are leading us to the relic, right? I know I didn't provide much detail, but…"

"It is the most well-kept item in the lab nya! I'm glad Regina-sama sent you to retrieve it nya, one less thing to look after for me nya."

Hey, since she knows Regina, at least we can be sure that we've come to the right place.

"Punipuni-chan, All of these cool magical mechanisms… Do they still work? The Devil is interested _nya_ …" Komekko admired the giant machinery below us in awe.

Not you too, Komekko!

"Stop calling me that nya! And no nya…! I'm not letting anyone with red eyes touch them ever again nya! Not even if you're young and say 'nya' like I do! Besides nya, there's far too little power left to run any of them and I do not know how to operate them anyway nya…"

At last, we entered the chamber.

It's vast and round, with a large metal sphere in the middle.

The sphere is heavily reinforced with hundreds of pipes connected to it.

The relic must be inside it. I know from Kazuma-san's adventure stories that important items are always kept in the centers of rooms!

"Here we are nya! The treasure room. Please wait a moment while I guide Revi-sama to the bathroom nya~"

"See you later Punipuni-chan!"

I swear, Crimson Demons and their naming...

And bathroom…?

Right, Revi did part ways with us halfway to take care of his business.

Speaking of which…

Such an advanced facility must have an amazing bathroom, right?

I can't begin to imagine the features it might have…

"Psst, Rorisa, keep an eye on Komekko for a moment please, I also need to go…"

…

Gee, this robot can really walk fast.

I nearly got lost several times within the maze-like hallways.

Why is she taking Revi this far anyway?

Is there only one bathroom in this whole facility?

"There nya, Revi-chan! Right in this door-"

The robot then led Revi inside a room and closed the door behind her.

...Wait.

Shouldn't Revi be alone when using the bathroom!?

I know she's not a human and all… but I still wouldn't feel comfortable letting another animate being watch me use the toilet.

Maybe she might be planning something…

...L-like recording him…!?

Hmm… I better keep an ear on them.

"Hey, this doesn't look like a bathroom! Why is everything pink and what are those hanging on the walls!?"

"Just lie down nya, you'll find out soon enough nya!"

Lie down!?

I better stop this before-

-Crap, the door is locked. Of course!

"Woaah, why are you on top of me? What are you holding!? I don't like where this is going- I mean, I don't exactly _hate_ it but I would prefer if you let me go…!"

"Just let it happen nya, be a good boy and nobody gets hurt too badly nya~"

Oh my, this is getting serious.

I better call for help… Revi could be getting tortured!

I knew I shouldn't have trusted that stranger.

The moment I turned around-

"Wah! Another one!"

"Shhh, calm down, it's just me."

Rorisa!? Why did she follow me here?

"...This is perfect! Look, Revi is in some trouble there, I need your help breaking in!"

"Sorry, I couldn't resist checking out the bathroom… Now, I might not be able to help you break in, but I think I could save Revi."

H-huh? What sneaky plan does she have now?

"Waaaah! What are you…!? Give my pants back! I'll start screaming if you continue!"

"Nyahaha…! Even in the highly unlikely case that anyone hears you nya, your teammates would find it quite difficult to break through this 10-inch thick blast-proof adamantite alloy door nya. They couldn't even damage me earlier! Nyahaha!"

"Rorisa, what do we do!? She's about to do something worse than torture!"

"Fufu, this is getting entertaining…"

I don't like the look on your face right now, Rorisa!

What happened to helping him!?

And this is coming from someone who wanted to torture him at first!

"A-aaahhhhnnn… I mean, AHHHH! Help me! I'm being violated! Stop rubbing your body on- Wooaahh don't take my shirt as well!"

"You're pretty cute nya. Keep telling yourself that you hate it nya! Now, let's see… Mmmm, barely visible abs, tiny pectorals… Your parents must have spoiled you bad nya! I love it nya…"

W-what amazing deduction skills!

I meant…

"Rorisa! Do something quick! Even though he might be enjoying it now, I'm sure it'll turn sour very quickly!"

At least I hope; if he ends up getting serviced, I'm blocking him forever.

"Hmm… Blast proof door, how troublesome… Let's see here… Ahem."

Rorisa cleared her throat for self-confidence and-

"Hey there Punipuni-san, I'd like to inform you that your techniques suck!"

What!?

"Hmmmnya? So they found us huh nya… Hey you! Stop calling me that, nya! Now wait patiently while I… fill out some contracts with your archer teammate here nya!"

"Rorisa! Save me! From this robot's terrible techniques! I mean, oh my this torture! It hurts so much ahhhhh!"

How did I become the odd one out here!?

"Gah, you call this rape? If your victim is enjoying it, you've already failed! You were one of those robots designed to sexually please human masters weren't you? You must be a reject, sigh…"

...E-eh!? Rorisa, are you alright?

I can't believe she's saying this… In fact, I can't believe any of this is happening!

Wake me up!

"Huh!? You're an insider nya? You think you can do better than me, nya!?"

Suddenly, the door opened and-

-A gust of wind shoved Rorisa inside before slamming the giant door back shut.

"What do you mean enjoying!? I'm trembling over here… from pain! Ohhh she's so ruthless! I- oh, hi Rorisa…"

How come I don't get to enter!?

She saw me for sure!

...I could have gone in to… help with the healing! Yeah!

"Oh my oh my, I seem to have interrupted your little intimate session here…"

"Hmm? Jealous, nya? That you're only useful for your dreams? Don't even think about trying to kill me, nya, I am the last remaining entity capable of unlocking the containment sphere, nya! I've merely invited you to witness my trophy of dominance nya!"

"Ahh, get her off! She's trying to pull my underwear-ahh, ah!"

"Revi, it's just me. There's no need to pretend."

"No, seriously! I'm actually scared now, get her off! She's gonna rape me to death!"

"Thank your succubus teammate, nya. Failure!? I'm going to prove it to you all, what I'm really capable of, nya! Clueless children, I know everything about Norse and its corrupt scientists nya… Creating me to be S and intelligent yet only ever let me be either a static M sex toy or a janitor nya… "

So she does know…!

This evil bastard.

I need to be doing something… I could bring Komekko but-

-she probably shouldn't be hearing any of this. No, not yet.

"Ahh! What did you just take from the wall!? And where are you putting that!? Ah, Ahh!"

"Nyow, let's see your tiny body enjoy this, nya!"

"Oh no no no… I would have gone for the whip. This is a pervy teenager you're dealing with; he doesn't deserve proper procedures like that. Perhaps ordinary plays are all that's been written into your primitive robot brains."

"Whip!? Oi, Stop giving her ideas! At my expense!"

"You sure are one creative succubus nya… But I do agree, it's time to turn out the lights for this little boy, nya."

"Huhh!? Those panties… are removable!? Ah, I can see your-Mmmph! It's… mmmph! Real fabric… mmph! Can't… mmmph breathe!"

"Goodnight nya… I'm coming down onto it and there's nothing you can do nya…"

No.

No no no…

He can't lose his virginity before me… I won't accept it!

Rorisa, please do something!

"Pathetic! Yet another vanilla move. Routines like this are the cheapest type of service at our store because they require so little creativity. Admit it, you're a rejected prototype who was designed to be M with an S fantasy, nothing more. They used you as a janitor because they realized how terrible of an idea that was; you are literally a mistake. I don't know much about those 'scientist' people you speak of, but I know at least that they would eventually go on to build the very machine that destroyed overground Norse. See, they're like you! A bunch of delusional, egotistical failures. Everything they made to defeat the Demon King turned out to be either useless like you or totally counterproductive like the race that stole from you. Scratch what I said earlier; you're not just a mistake, you're a mistake designed by the greatest mistakes of the century to produce the most worthless mistake that ever existed. And you're in charge of this whole facility."

...Ah.

Sounds like my mental cry for help was heard.

Interesting… Scientists? Why would they destroy their own nation?

"S-shop? You run a shop Rorisa? Where could I find it?"

Really!? That's the most important theme you extracted from that amazing, long speech?

"...You… you're right n-nya…"

"At least get off of him before conceding, you worthless machine."

H-huh?

Get off!?

Does that mean…

I've lost?

No, I should be feeling bad for him. Sacrificing his purity for the sake of our mission.

"...Trust me, I'm more disappointed in the scientists than you nya. They used to invent and create with the common goal of defeating the Demon King nya… It didn't last long nya. If anything, my existence is a proof nya…"

"I'm… I'm just going to find and put on my clothes…"

"...You can have the relic if you want nya. I'm at least glad that Regina-sama is coming back to clean up the mess nya."

Suddenly, a loud click echoed from afar.

"Go ahead and take the prize nya. As for me… Well, as I said, the relic is pretty much the only important item I'm guarding anyways nya. The next best thing I can do is to correct the mistake nya…"

"Ugh… these panties on my head… Ridiculous. You know what, I despise them so hard that I'm taking these back to personally watch them get incinerated. That's right…"

I don't think Revi knows I'm here.

And he doesn't need to.

I'll be planning a Revi Torture Plan phase II as soon as I get back to Belzerg.

"You know, you don't have to be so pessimistic. You'll do great as a janitor at my place."

"Forget about it nya… You guys were fun to play with nya. At least I won't be ending it alone nya~"

"Hey, you should take your underwear back before turning yourself off you know…!"

Before Rorisa could finish, the door opened.

"Revi. Hand, over, those, panties, now."

"...!"

* * *

And that's it for chapter 4!

We apologize for the ridiculous time between updates...

Please... if you like this, or have anything to say...speak up!

EDIT -

Realized forgot to mention!

Thanks to **BoringBone** and **Marv** for proofreading and editing~!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5 - Calling GG On This Mess!**

 **Part 1**

* * *

Back in the main chamber, Komekko had been patiently waiting.

"Everyone! What took you so long? Anyways-good news! The ball opened itself! Let's see what's inside!"

"Ah, Komekko… We uh…"

Rorisa tried to start explaining everything but had second thoughts.

"Yeah, I don't think she's ready to know the severity of…" I whispered my suggestion to her.

"Especially with Revi in this state… How should we even hide it?"

The succubus looked back at the lagging prince worriedly.

"Huh…? What state? I'm perfectly fine! Look, I was just uh… a bit shocked so I took a bit of time to cool off. I'm perfectly fine now! Hey there Komekko!"

What a suspicious response.

He's probably terrified to the core right now, so I'll cut him some slack and be nice for a change. After all, the quest is… Well, _should_ be complete.

"Revi-san! Your clothes are a bit messy and you're all sweaty… Did anything happen in the washroom? Hehe, did anything exciting happen back there with Iris nee? Rorisa-san, perhaps?"

Oh no.

"Of course not! I mean… yeah no! Nothing saucy. The cat robot went crazy and tried to murder me, so Iris-chan and Rorisa-san barged in to save the day with their amazing skills. Of course, I didn't sit there on the toilet and do nothing either. I hastily pulled up my pants and destroyed it with a swift shot to the head, claiming victory. Look, the treasure vault is open!"

Still impressive, prince.

"...Yeah, that was one hell of a battle alright… She was only a minor inconvenience. Hehe… Come on Revi, let's go get the relic!"

I just want to sweep it under the rug for the well-being of all of us.

"Hey Iris, I had a thought just now… What if she wasn't really the only robot here? Don't you think that fight was a little too easy? You know what I'm sayin…?"

Indeed. Kazuma-san did mention tough monsters showing up after false victories in his tales.

"We should stay cautious while taking the prize. There might be surprises awaiting."

Just now, Komekko spoke up.

"Hey, you said you shot Punipuni-chan… But your crossbow was right here the whole time."

Tilting her head as she held up the crossbow confusedly.

"Ahh…"

"So, this is it huh…"

I mumbled as we climbed up to the giant container.

What powerful relic are we about to witness?

"Iris, you do the honor. We've got you covered in case it's a trap."

Revi said with a serious tone as he aimed his crossbow at the entrance.

It's rare to see him being dependable for once.

Rorisa also hovered above, ready to spot any imminent danger.

Alright, moment of truth.

Carefully, I reached into the seam and…

"Hmm, feels papery. I think it's a book of some kind…"

"Wow! Let's see it! Could it be some ancient forbidden spellbook!? The devil needs it!"

Well that can't be right.

Because the book is rather thin and soft; there's no way it could be anything ancient.

I pulled it out to have a closer look.

"So, what is it? Just take a quick glance and let's get out of this eerie place before anything else bad happens." Revi said anxiously.

…Huh.

"Well, I have some good news and some bad news."

It was indeed a thin book.

The cover was printed with high precision and is way more colorful than any book I've read.

"The good news is, it does seem exceptionally rare and valuable; the bad news is, I think I recognize it."

There have only been one other source for these colorful books I know of.

A long time ago, a strange adventurer traded some of these "elite relics" to Belzerg.

They have been locked up in the vault ever since and I never got to read any of them.

That was, until the 'Masked Thieves Group' spirited it out of vault.

….

Oi, Onii-sama!

"Why is it bad news that you recognize it?"

"Belzerg had some once. The treasurer warned me about its content being… 'unsuitable' for me. Now that I've flipped through it… I think I'll be keeping this somewhere safe."

I quickly folded the book up and shoved it in my pouch.

I'll be using it for… future research purposes.

"What do you mean!? What did you see? What does it even do? Don't tell me this 'relic' is also in fact useless!"

Is this it?

Is that all?

Is the quest over?

"Relax Revi, I don't think there's going to be another surprise attack. To be honest, I find all this pretty disappointing too…"

We trained for what, three whole days for this?

And the final "boss" is just a psychologically weak sex robot?

"Don't be disappointed! This has been fun for the devil! …Maybe we can continue adventuring someday… right?"

Don't say depressing lines like that!

"Yeah, it's been eye-opening for me as well… I finally defeated something all by myself, too. This experience has helped tremendously with my self-esteem, all thanks to you guys!"

And Rorisa did a textbook literary analysis of our journey.

...I guess this is it then.

Time to go… home? Back to being a princess…? After all this…?

Wait. Revi and I are still in the wrong body.

"Umm… Question. Does anyone know which way is Ur… Ero… Right, Uroburos with respect to this place?"

Just then.

"Nobody ever said that the quest would be time-consuming and difficult, you know. You guys stressed out a little too much, don't you think?"

A figure appeared at the other end of the hallway.

"Huh!? Who are you!? Stay back! I'll have you know that we just defeated the guardian of this lab, so if you know what's good for you-"

"Oh please, I'm just here to collect my doll."

"M-Marion!? How did you know where we went!?"

"Did you follow us? Oh! Did you visit the Devil's hometown!?"

"Why do you know so much about our quest…!?"

While those three asked Marion, who suddenly showed up, these obvious questions…

I simply walked formally forward with the doll in one hand and the book in the other.

"Here is your doll, and oh… Here's the relic you wanted us to fetch, Regina-sama."

"Ehh!? Are you crazy Iris!? Don't make jokes like that! We need that book! She's just some merchant!"

"..."

This prince just isn't bright enough.

"Really, Revi? Isn't it obvious? How would anyone else know so much about us and why would they show up out of nowhere to help us? Clearly, Marion is just Regina-sama in disguise."

"He's sort of right you know. I'm not Regina; or at least, my body isn't hers."

Oh you can't be serious.

It's one of _those_ gimmicks again.

The whole deal with a great, omnipotent being visiting the mortal world in the form of a little girl.

"Wooah, just like me! The devil is also… well, an ancient spirit possessing a little child! So we're both communicating through each others' bodies!"

...Well, she's not lying. I kind of wish she was.

Because this way, I don't even know what to believe anymore.

"-But thanks for completing Regina's quest. My name really is Marion, and I'm one of her newer priests. She borrows my body from time to time, so don't get freaked out when I speak weirdly."

Oh, so at least she's a normal person and not some mystical sprite

But that just makes it worse.

Let's just say this prince dude has a crush on _her_. Which one does he really like?

The mortal body or the goddess?

Not that it'd turn out well for him in either case.

"Y-you're welcome… So, do we get our bodies back now? And we can return to our old lives again?"

Revi replied, somewhat disappointed.

I am, too. I hope there's another twist before we end our adventure… Maybe.

"Mmhmm, there is no point to keeping you guys stuck in these forms, is there? Let us go back to my town and I'll send you all off with my real body… Who is waiting on the other side, actually "

Marion immediately began walking towards the teleportation nodes we used to come here.

So there's no twist, fair enough.

"Wait, Regina-sama, what's that questionable magazine doing here in the underground facility? Why is it locked up so securely!?"

"The Scientist. For recreational purposes, he created it. As for why it's locked up… You've answered that question yourself, don't you think?"

...Right.

It's amazing how far my moral standards have fallen in just a few days.

"Wait, since Revi and Iris are heading back to their respective duties after this, can the devil at least follow along to your place for a proper send off…?"

Komekko asked desperately, as if visiting a dying relative.

Don't make it sound so dramatic, dammit!

We were just… temporary collaborators, yeah. No need to be sad at all!

Somehow, I couldn't even convince myself of that.

"Sure; since nobody trusts crimson demons anyway, leaking secrets should not be an issue."

"Yay! I can finally get to witness a place owned by a real Goddess! This will look extra nice on my resumé!"

Crimson demons have resumés!? For what!? Posing experience!?

I thought only noble intellectuals needed those!

"You know… I never thought about this, but maybe I should prepare a resumé too to record all the experiences I've gathered from this journey. Not like I'd ever need to find a job. I'll need it so I can brag to all those spoiled noble snob friends of mine."

I see he hasn't really changed at all. How disappointing.

What can you put on there anyway?

 _"Got lewded by some little girls and liked it"; "Failed to save team from rookie killers"... What else?_

"Everyone, step into the teleporter already! Don't keep Regina-sama waiting."

Rorisa, the only other sane person, is getting impatient.

"No worries, I'm not in a hurry. Hmm, why is the teleporter reading 6 persons? Are any of you carrying more than 30kg of luggage?"

Six!? That's strange.

Judging by the average stature of our team, it ought to read less than five.

"Umm… I think…. Uh, because this crimson demon girl is possessed by this buff devil dude, it might have increased her physical mass, too. I mean you really should've seen how ripped he was. Damn!"

"Are you calling me fat, Prince Revi-kun? I'll have you know that being fat is a status symbol for us Crimson Demons!"

"Well… that'd be a rather uncommon effect of possession… I've never seen anyone grow heavier due to being possessed. Food for thought. Let's go then!"

The Norse underground complex faded to white-

As the light dimmed, a robed figure came into view. I found myself back in the Crimson Demon Village's mysterious facility.

We should be somewhere under the village proper, if I'm not mistaken.

Actually, this place has to be very far from the town we were abducted to-what, four days ago? Five?

Felt like a lot longer.

We'll have to teleport from somewhere near the Demon King's castle all the way to the outskirts of Elroad.

Eris knows how much mana that would consume.

"Aha, there you are. How good to see you in the flesh… so to speak."

Regina casually greeted us with a handful of followers.

This instantly raised several flags.

Waiting right outside of a teleporter with armed support…

In a place nobody else can find us…

Leaving us with no means of escape…!

"I sense some tension around you guys… what's the matter?"

"Is this quest really a mere punishment? No matter how I look at it, I don't see how doing such a simple task benefits you in any meaningful way. No one ever does anything without benefits!"

Dang, my worldview has changed massively since back then.

"Of course there's a reason! Let's just say, I already have what I wanted, so you're all free to go. I don't want to keep you waiting; anything else before we head back?" She replied naturally.

Anything else? I do see a huge elephant in the room-

"Yes! ...What the hell was that massive place under Norse!? Why was the relic there!? Why is the relic a-a 'picture book'? Surely you know about it!"

"Well… Okay, I used to rule over Norse, doing what every other goddess at the times did-fighting the Demon King. Then, bad things happened...and here I am. Let's leave it at that shall we?"

She just said something incredible!

She ruled Norse!? The powerful, advanced nation that created the Destroyer Fortress!?

That raised more questions than it answered.

"Something bad? I think that's a vast understatement! I don't intend to open any old wounds, but…"

"Regina-sama is the goddess of vengeance, if I recall correctly. When you wrong someone, it's only natural to expect them to return the favor. The only question is who she had to upset to lose an entire nation…"

And that's when Revi starts making his pretentious as hell analyses trying to fit in.

"Good observation! True, I did build Uroboros far from this village to protect my new followers from someone. And also true, I did wrong him in the past. But no, losing Norse took far more than a single isolated mistake."

H-huh!?

D-did he just get complimented and approved? By the goddess herself!?

Forget Eris-sama, not even Big Boss has ever flattered me as much.

"To bring down a goddess and her whole nation… that someone must be either an eldritch beast of unimaginable power-or I'll be damned, the Demon King himself."

It's only natural then for me to smoothly add myself to the conversation with my own deductions.

"To be fair, the Mobile Fortress Destroyer did the bulk of the work-after he turned everything against me. Also, the 'he' is one of your kind, not some kind of elite monster."

…

How could Revi just defeat me like that.

Besides, isn't a political takeover by another human just a regular old _revolution_? The whole story just lost its air of cool and mystery to me.

I don't like politics and diplomacy.

In fact, that's the very reason I agreed to come out of the castle!

I guess diplomats are more important than I thought.

I should really learn to appreciate my lessons more when I get back to princess duty.

Speaking of which…

"Right, enough about my inglorious history… It's really nothing interesting, I assure you. Now, let's get you two back into town so we can restore your old bodies. Follow me!"

...We're just about to leave this newfound life of adventuring behind.

It's very unfortunate that I did not get to try other roles out. If only my class was really the Fairy and not some Battlepriest BS.

"Marion, Clathra, let's take everyone home, shall we?" said Regina, clapping her hands.

Well, at least we won't have to walk back.

Maybe this special teleportation magic will help Revi overcome his recent trauma.

"Ooooh! Is this the 'sacred teleport' magic I've only heard of in legend? The Devil is honored!"

Along with Regina, these two formed a triangle around the group, and soon a grand spell was building around us.

Pumped with the little goddess's mana, runes and magic circles danced in flows of magenta and and cerulean blue.

"T...this is complex, multi vessel magic! This can only be done with powerful familiars! The Devil is so jealous! Does Regina-sama think she could teach the Devil to manipulate her party members with such skill?"

Oi…

"-For purely constructive causes and under all of our consent, right?"

"I wouldn't mind giving some tips, I have had experience teaching to those with demonic skills sets but...Ehh?!"

-Just then, the circle flared red...and shattered!

Red and magenta fragments are flying everywhere!

This does _not_ look like a normal teleportation from any perspective.

 _"Mwahahahahahahah!'_

What… ?!

* * *

 **Part 2**

* * *

"To think that after all this time…I finally have you!"

Rising up dramatically amongst the fading sparkles… a robed figure appeared.

Flaring his cape wide with a flourish, he pointed an accusing finger at the small goddess.

"Hmm… Not even the Eldritch Crimson Devil can figure out who this awkward sudden intruder is. Does anyone have a clue?"

Komekko broke the silence.

"Uwaa… He is making me more embarrassed than any of my customers did!"

"I'm sorry but uh, what?"

It seems that everyone is just as confused as me.

"..."

Is this-

-Some kind of Crimson Demon clown? Actor?

Everything about him just screams 'wanna-be'!

Regina recovered more quickly than the rest of us though, and fixed him with a blank stare.

"Just how long are you going to be obsessed with me, Makemake?"

… x n

"...I'm sorry, what did you just say his name was?"

" _...It's Makemake...MAH-KE-MAH-KE, ALRIGHT!?"_

Woah, this role player needs to chill.

"Come on now, what is this reaction!? Are you not impressed!? Admit it, that was the most epic, cool hero entry you've seen in the last… however long you mortals have been alive for!"

"...the Devil awards you no points. I'm afraid you would have flunked the course and would have to repeat the grade, uh, maa-key maa-key? Mack… Whatever. See, your name is a major pitfall… And this is coming from a crimson demon."

"Indeed, as a prince, I would like to buy you a clue, sir. Regrettably I am currently broke."

"... Did you name yourself?"

I made the most obvious prediction.

"Alright. Let's go over you bunch one at a time. You! Yes, that red-eyed little miss know-it-all! You think my name was bad? Let's hear yours! You 'crimson demon'! Who gave you red eyes anyway? You're giving us red-eyed god-wizards a bad reputation."

Right, now that he mentions it, he does also have red eyes akin to those of Komekko's.

Something about him just doesn't jive though.

It feels like-

Imitation? Counterfeit?

"Ahh, allow this Devil to show you how it's done!'

Throwing her arms out and flaring her cape, the ground itself suddenly shot up under Komekko's feet, putting her on a higher plane than the rest of us.

J-just when did you learn that spell?!

Fiery embers started to emerge from her glowing eyes, as smoke wafted up behind her.

"From the crimson pit, lord of gluttony and precociousness … This Devil art Komekko! Master of fires, balls and the demonic arts of tactical seduction!"

Uwaaa...that pose. Much better than what I can come up with.

Wait, seduction!?

Mind you that we can also see your bats from this angle, little devil.

"...Ahh...ahh…..ahh...um….."

Yeah, sorry mister Mac, this girl is kinda…

"...Hmm, tactical pause. Mortal, please present your number. Like, so we can text. I have ManaLink premium service and… oh. No signal, never mind."

Ehh? What's with that reaction… And why are your eyes sparkling with awe? Revi's too!?

You keep that up and I'll throw you back into the cat bot dungeon.

"Oi… you really are weird. Komekko is already taken. By the devotion to wicked magic! Sorry, she no longer wishes to speak with you any more."

With that, she anticlimactically hid behind me.

Makemake then abruptly shifted over to me;

"Well then! On to you two now. What's your deal, little blue hair doll in skimpy clothes who looks to have very low intel?"

He leans in closer…!

"And don't think I'm not onto your tricks, young lady. Judging by your overall appearance and attitude, you must be the leader of this little band of justice aren't you?"

Well, he got something right at last.

"Oh don't worry about me. I'm just some delusional priestess who tried to find a sense of self worth by helping Lady Regina over there. Why are you here, by the way? Mind telling us?"

It's amazing how he's been talking for twenty minutes without ever mentioning the reason for his "grand entry".

"That leads right into the next person doesn't it? Look, I'll have to really thank this handsome, considerate brother of yours. He brought my robot with him! You have him to thank for my awakening, Regina!"

Hold it.

Did he just call Revi my…my…!

That's it, I'm never forgiving this man.

We all turned and looked at said brother, Regina included.

Revi's bag then started vibrating…

"R-robot? Why, I have no idea what you speak of, sir!"

Then what's with that panicked look on your face!"

Suddenly-

"Maid bot version R3-4, cat variant. Please press any key to run setup or long press power button to shut down."

Makemake smugly smiled.

"Amazed? If you liked that, wait till I tell you all about the 'developer mode'."

"Please, please tell me!"

I stopped them from starting a private conversation by grabbing hold of the pervert prince.

"So that's where the extra weight came from, huh. I'll deal with you later. Oh, I also take back all the sympathy I gave you earlier!"

"So, you're one of those prototype crimson demons aren't you? I've heard about the existence of your kind, but never expected you to be so… nevermind."

Rorisa, who had stayed silent thus far, contributed some important information.

"Oi, you must be a prototype for the sex dolls, given your failed tiny… bosom."

Rorisa seems very hurt by that comment and shrunk into a ball.

Things getting real personal up in here!

"I don't know what this 'crimson demon' is, and I doubt I'd care. I came here to finally finish off that washed up goddess. I mean, why would I stop after going so far as to help bring her entire nation down around her self serving ears, and mildly torturing her with imprisonment for a few centuries? Wouldn't we all be better off without a goddess such as she existing? Vengeance? Manipulation? It's like describing a spiteful ex-lover. "

No rather, it feels like that's exactly what's being described here!

"So, why don't you guys just step aside and let the savior himself settle this little matter, hmmm?"

Well, it's not like we are indebted to Regina or anything.

I mean, impersonally speaking, isn't she a threat and usurper to both our kingdoms?

Uruboros is inside our national boundaries…

Revi must have had the same thought, as we both turned and looked at the goddess in question.

"...Please note that only the original caster of [Encrypt] can remove its effects. That is all I will say~"

… …

Right, goddess of manipulation.

" _Ok party, combat formation!"_

I'm sorry, Aqua-sama, I don't intend to go the rest of my life with your hair color.

"...Are three little girls and my robot's slave supposed to intimidate me or something?"

Same could be said about a Komekko-flirter in a cape.

The twerp looked at our battle formation with tired disgust.

"Alright, I'll teach you to not stand between me and my rival. Begone, fodder!"

Then he waved his arm dramatically towards us-

...And from inside his cape seemed to spawn dozens of-

-dolls?!

"Oooh, those are pretty cute!"

Rorisa seemed impressed but-

"...Are you by chance giving these away?"

...Revi seems to want one too?

"Ahhh, they look like miniature versions of the great Devil herself!"

…

Now I'm confused.

" _Take this! Suupa-Uizaado-kamikaze attaaku!"_

What!?

Oi, are these like those things Kazuma-san encountered while facing Vanir?

Will they explode?!

"Ehhh, that doll bit me, WTF!?"

...They really are little Komekko's!

A murderous, yet cute sound echoes through the cavern.

" _NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!"_

"Ahh, my skirt, it's taking damage!"

"The Devil will not be out performed by these cheap imitations... _NOM_!"

...Ok, it's kinda cute seeing one of those dolls flailing its little arms as she bites its head and all, but-

"Hey! I found an off switch, it's located in the dolls panties! Quick, everyone, lets-"

"The Devil has had enough… [FI~YABALLS]!"

Just when Revi had said something disturbing, Komekko let loose a swarm of fire engulfing the oncoming horde.

"Ahh, while cute, and dangerously hungry...these dolls possess little battle power... _Ei_!"

Rorisa knocked the head off one with her staff with ease.

The doll then deflated with a comical wheeze.

" _YIKES_! Ahh, why are these dolls so inclined to sexual harassment!?"

…

Okay, this was worth the price of entry just to see a doll holding onto the pervert prince's crotch by the mouth.

We spent the next thirty seconds dismembering the ones too close to burn.

"...All that divine power you stole, and this is what you do with it hmm?"

Regina said, picking up one of the destroyed dolls.

"I- They were supposed to… I mean, what I envisioned was… AAAGH!"

Then she grinned mischievously, made some hand gestures in the air as if… pulling on some strings?

!

The dolls that were broken and lifeless, all suddenly sprang to their feet…

They proceeded to turn their back toward their creator, then…

" _Bwaka, bwaka, Makemake Bwaka!"_

"Hey, hey! The Devil would never do something as petty and degrading as that! Stop it!"

I'm sorry, Komekko-chan.

"Pf….pftt hahahaahahah!"

But I simply cannot stop laughing when I see dozens of tiny wizards shake their behinds at a supervillain.

"Hahahaha! Now this is funny. Let me just, heh, take a look from the victim's angle, hahaha-"

"No Revi! The Devil cannot approve of this request!"

"To have put such impressive details into the panties of these dolls… Together with that cat-girl robot from before, I think I'm starting to understand your priorities better."

"NO! You lowly demon, you don't understand my true, divine power! This was an accident, fool!"

Oho!

This embarrassing guy is surprisingly easy to provoke huh?

"Alright, I'll first admit that I just stole one of these dolls for future studying…Unfortunately, the quality isn't really on a marketable level."

"Hmmph, at least model the dolls after the Devil's full power mode… All you're doing is embarrassing me!"

" _SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUUUUUP!"_

Oho?

And just like that, the dolls all vanished into puffs of sparkling mana.

"Ahh crap, the one I stuffed in my bag is…!"

"Look, Revi. If you really desire such a thing... The Devil's mother can provide a much cooler version! ...A-and more detailed too…"

Oi, I get it. You two love to do this in public. You don't have to…

"Hey, mind the situation, you two! can hear you…"

Rorisa was right, this guy is straight seething over there.

"Even though you stole that power, you still can't manage to control it very well huh? Well, it's not like the original user was all that gifted either...but for a supposedly 'enhanced being'...Ugh."

Regina sighed, looking like a disappointed dad.

"Shut up, idiot goddess! You know full well that they were supposed to be magic missiles! I-I just wasn't focused enough!"

I see now.

His cheat ability is tied to his mental state, huh?

"[Charm]!"

Rorisa seems to have figured it out, too.

"Huh…!? You cheeky little, I'm going to take my time with you!... _Grrraaaahh!_ "

?!

Throwing his hands high into the air, he seemed to draw a massive golem straight out of the floor.

"Holy smokes! Such a massive golem, this is pretty cool! And...and…?"

Revi's voice trailed off as the golem continued to take shape and features started to emerge.

…

Oi.

"The Devil had some hope for this effort; alas, I award you negative points, and am feeling somewhat nauseous. May whatever deity you worship have mercy upon your soul."

Is it just me, or does this golem look like a more muscular version of himself?

...Ugh, really?

Is _that_ what he ultimately lusts over? I shouldn't have expected any better.

While we were busy mocking the golem, it was charging up for an attack.

"Ha! Thanks for the spell, little sex demon! Now my visions are clearer than ever! Goodbye-"

Now, this thing looks ridiculous, but it looks like it could still hurt us badly.

"Our cafe does not even offer that kind of-Whoa!"

The golem thrust its fist directly at Rorisa…!

"Oh my Lilith, that was close!"

Rorisa-san, I want you to know that having wings is really unfair.

"...! What a dangerous opponent! A 'big, hard thing' that can satisfy me has appeared! As nee-chan would say, the bigger the better!"

Komekko-chan, at this point I think you're doing this on purpose!

While Revi was unceremoniously getting a nosebleed, Komekko charged up her beloved [Fireball] skill!

"Take this, Firestorm!"

...But of course, it was ineffective.

After all, you can't burn down a pile of earth.

…

But wait… !

The golem stopped moving!

"Ahh, it seems the golem can't move. You've baked its clay into brick!"

Wasn't that a bit too easy? I didn't even need to do anything.

"Wait, wait! Let me try something, please! I promise you it'll be very cool!"

...Fine, show us how spectacularly you can destroy a pile of rocks, oh cool Prince-sama.

"'Minor-Explosive-Bolt'! Ahem, It's very cheap so I can use them liberally!"

What's there to be so smug about? That's not even-

*POP~!

It sounded like a balloon popping.

That didn't do much to compensate for your… size, Revi.

"Ahh, wait for it."

*C...crack….*

First a tiny crack formed at the base of its neck…

...Then, it quickly travelled down to it's hips and split the golem in half.

"Balls! Ahem, bullocks! I seem to have had a minor flaw in my golem design…"

"Wow, it shattered… just like this guys ego."

I followed my observation with a half-hearted insult.

No, I don't mean you, Revi, stop giving me looks of hatred!

"Excuse me!? My ego will never be- I mean, as the humble savior of the Norse people, I have no ego to be shatter in the first place! Now take this!"

Once again, the environment morphed and…

"Ahh, metal this time? Isn't it like, more of a machine than a golem? Oi, is that a giant...codpiece!?"

Revi was quick to point out the details.

"Hey, I know you're pent up after all these years, but you don't have to let it show in such a situation…! I-if you're really that desperate, I might be able to hook up one of my distant incubus friends and…!"

"Why does a golem need giant, err… 'strap-on'?"

"Komekko! Don't tell me you…!"

"Yes! It was nee-san again! Go ask her about it!"

"Careful, everyone! He's actively upgrading his constructs to adapt to your skills!"

Regina, amazingly, remained objective.

Don't worry, we haven't even shown our final forms yet!

"Behold, a perfected package! Let's see how your pitiful attacks measure up against-"

*Thwack.

"-S-stop shooting these pathetic arrows at my- _his_ groin, you pervert!"

*Thwack*

"Hit...its weak point...for massive damage…"

As expected of this prince, using tactics that normally only girls used!

*Cracklackalackalacka!*

The golem made a sound as if an entire crate of clockworks spilled out on the floor.

"My loyal steel golem, Mecha-make, attack! Liberally eject your pay-loads upon them!"

Speaking like this won't help convince anyone that you're a 'humble saviour', you know!?

'Mechamake' then transformed to reveal a large amount of bombs!

We quickly spread out to dodge the incoming attacks.

T...this is bad!

"Ahahahaha! Mechamake, target the one with the crossbow over there, he must be the core of their party!"

"Eh, What!? Thanks but no thanks! Help!"

Then Revi dropped his cool facade and ran like a little bitch.

…Not that I would have done anything different, but at least make a cool excuse.

"Yes, Revi has the right idea. Don't just stand there! Indeed, he has been the greatest contributor so far."

Ehhh?

Regina-sama? Praising Revi!?

"Hmm, not only did he deal the chip damage that finished off the clay golem, he's kiting the current boss while skillfully keeping aggro… He has great micro, the Devil is impressed!"

"No, actually, you were the main DPS that… forget it. Also, I don't think there was any 'micro' involved. You're learning well though, keep it up."

"And Revi, here, since you are being such a great distraction…[Speed Boost] [Armor Boost]."

It wouldn't do if our bait got blown to pieces.

After all, unlike a certain party, we have no way of reviving the dead.

"Heeeeeeeelllllllllp meeeee!"

Don't slow down, ok?

"Haw haw haw! Now that you girls are helpless, time for some play!"

...x4

Oi, stop making with the creepy onii-sama trademark finger motions!

"Oh, everyone! Allow me to show the hidden art we developed at our shop for dealing with these kinds of customers!"

Rorisa said as she put on a scary expression, never before seen.

She then crouched down and spread her wings…

I can't help but swallow in anxiety.

"Customers? I have no need for such useless services; I am divine after-"

Like a flash of light, Rorisa launched forward foot-first and-

"[Lust Detonate]!"

-Kicked him there.

A loud explosion echoed around the chamber.

And then there was silence.

The golem had stopped attacking.

Then , with a tremendous clang, the thing fell over, holding it's enormous codpiece. Tears of oil pouring from it's pain filled eyes.

...

P-please tell me that was the first time you've used that skill.

I sincerely hope that no man in this world had to endure… that.

"As nee-chan says, size isn't everything, Please give up on your giant dreams and try using what you have, ok?"

Komekko, don't pat his head with such pity in your eyes!

I think this guy just might be into you.

"Hiiiiiiiyaaaaaa! Gaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Wow, that's one high-pitched screech.

Pulling himself off the ground with great difficulty, Makemake glared at up with unrestrained bloodlust.

…

Well, it's a good thing this embarrassing fellow probably can't reproduce now.

"Grrr, these incompetent golems are too weak for you bunch huh? Guess I'll have to take a different approach. Let's see here… How did I win last time? I did… then I… and finally…! Ahh, that's it. No more silly golems, they're ancient playthings. Let it flood! The floor is lava!"

Oh, what now? Is he about to make an effective attack for once?

The ground rumbled…!

"Glub glub glub~~"

Then, high pitched onomatopoeia started coming from all around us.

I thought you were done with the "silly" attacks, Makemake?

"Oh look, Iris! More Komekko dolls! Hey, Regina-sama, make them do the butt dance again!"

A single Komekko-like doll popped out of the ground.

"Glub! Bubble bubble bubble..."

However, Regina is looking very alert.

This time, the doll is… Glowing red and radiating warmth.

"Uh-uhm, I think we might actually be in trouble…"

Rorisa said, pointing at the ground.

I looked below…

The ground is beginning to crack, revealing more and more glowing-hot Komekko dolls, ready to burst out any second.

"Pop! Glub glub glub… Sizzle…!"

The voices are getting almost deafening now…!

"Er… Ha, hahahaa! This is… not exactly what I had envisioned, but it will do. Enjoy your hot bath while I, the great Savior, take care of the divine matters. Farewell-, I gave you plenty of chances."

"...You just can't stop thinking about her, a young teen, can you? Iris, Revi, watch out!"

Rorisa swiftly grabbed Komekko and took to the air.

If only I had working wings too-

"Iris, here! [Grapple shot]!"

-Before I could mentally complain, Revi princess carried me in the most uncomfortable way possible and pulled me towards the ceiling.

He must've been waiting for such a moment this whole time…!

...But I'm thankful, because the ground beneath us almost immediately crumbled as a sea of fiery Komekkos engulfed it.

Dammit, Iris, control your expression. In times like this, look stoic and serious. Do not under any circumstance-

"Hee hee, you're blushing, princess!"

"Shut up and do something about this! We're going to get cooked!"

"H...hey, I can't help it when these Komekkos's are so hot ok!?"

...Oi.

Rorisa flew past us, carrying Komekko underneath her.

"T-this is bad, the heat is rising an...and…"

We were already sweating profusely.

If we don't do something and fast we...we….wait what is that guy doing?!

"Haaah, this epic death wizard uniform is really well insulated… haaaaaahhh…"

He was clearly doing worse then we were, standing on a clearing amidst the little blazing hot doll girls.

"Ahh, well...the Devil does not specialize in ice magic...[Niflheim Rising]!"

A wave of cold elemental magic flowed from her hands to the floor.

...Isn't that the 'Freeze Gust' spell?

"D-don't look at me like that! The original name wasn't nearly cool enough for a grand Devil such as me."

"I-if you say so…"

Thanks for saving us, at least.

The temperature is dropping nicely.

"How could you just…!? Ah, ahem. Phew, that was refreshing. The Great Savior is thankful for your concern, but I think I'm truly, truly done playing around now."

And then, he performed a sequence of scary exotic dance moves.

Not scary in that it's creepy, but because it looks so ridiculous that I'm worrying for his mental stability.

"Iris, Revi, I think I have to decrypt you two right now. He always dances before upgrading his attacks. If we want to stand a chance, we'll need your original powers. Miss Komekko, Miss Succubus, please keep him dancing for as long as possible! Marion, Clathra, let's get this done fast! [Decrypt]-"

Ah, I hate fainting-

* * *

 **Part 3**

* * *

A moment later…

I felt a sudden surge of optimism and purity.

I tried to move my body.

My body felt…

Lighter. As if I got younger and lost weight at the same time.

That was confirmed when I opened my eyes; the armor I had worn all this time now appears noticeably looser-fitting,

But more alarmingly, the familiar light blue border around my peripheral vision had disappeared; instead, it turned golden.

...So, this is my old body huh.

It feels natural… yet unfamiliar. As if a part of me went missing.

"Your Highness, you're back! are you alright? Pfft, yeah of course you are. What? Thought I'd turn back to being respectful towards you? Tough luck, princess!"

…This guy…

"[Exter…"

My sword started to vibrate and emit a familiar glow.

"Woah woah! Careful not to kill me for real! My dad will never forgive you and your nation will be in debt forever!"

"Did you also think I'd go back to being graceful? Not a chance! You failed your training, by the way."

"Yeah, no. Judging by your performance, I don't think I needed any training from you. In fact, I've just decided to learn from Komekko-chan who saved our asses on multiple occasions."

Amidst our argument…

"O artifact of creation, bring unto me [Divine Destroyer Armor]!"

Makemake seems to have started chanting.

Shining clouds of mana exploded into the air around him as he spread his arms wide.

"Everyone, fall back now! Come to me!"

T-this isn't good. Regina's called to us in a terrified voice all of the sudden.

Eh, Just what is happening?

Is all this a massive joke or is he actually that strong?

"Just what's the deal, what's happening!? The Devil is curious! Perhaps this hopeless guy actually has potential!?"

We quickly gathered around Regina.

"Listen up, that right there is the real reason Norse fell! It destroyed all the countermeasures and defenses we had setup. All our own barriers collapsed and anyone and anything remaining after the destroyers rampage was massacred by it."

T-this sounds bad.

Like-

-Really really bad!

We should… uh, 'GTFO'… right now!

Rorisa, too, is shaken by the development.

"I-I I think it's time for a tactical retreat! We can escape right? Komekko, Regina-sama, at least one of you can teleport right?!"

"It seems that he has isolated this cavern from the rest of the world…using some bootleg of my [Omnithread] skill. Teleportations are currently impossible. We have to outlast it somehow…"

" _Bwahahahahahahah!"_

Er…

That guy looks like he's just about done powering up...it's…

"Hey, doesn't that closely resemble a dullahan's armor? Just..bigger...and glowing with magic runes and..oi...is that legendary coronatite in the white hot glowing chest piece!? _My lord_ let's go get him, that's got to be worth a fortune!"

Okay, we need a plan.

A really good one.

…

"Oi, Iris, what are you doing, are you crazy, don't throw your life away uwaaaa!"

I went up to the pompous prototype.

Sometimes, diplomacy is the best answer.

That's what my royal upbringing has taught me.

"Excuse me, Mr. MakeShift? Perhaps we can come to an… understanding? The brat over here has loads of money back home, or maybe you would like to become a state sponsored adventurer or even be given a peerage?"

Not that I meant any of that.

I am a noble, and a high ranking royal.

It's expected that 'negotiation' is lying through our teeth, right?

Of course, once he lets his guard down, I would unleash the ultimate sneak-attack…

"Oh yes! That certainly sounds nice… I've always loved adventuring! Oh the thrill, the joy!"

Wow, that went better than expected.

Maybe I should go along for a while more, perhaps this can be resolved peacefully.

"Very well then! Now, if you would just drop the isolation barrier, we can-"

 _Boom_.

"Iris, watch out! He's got heat rays!"

… This guy!

He tried to ambush me!

And here I thought Kazuma was the only one with these underhanded tactics.

"HA HA HA! Negotiating with me!? I already had a kingdom on its knees. No thanks, Miss self-proclaimed princess. I'll have you clearly know that I was the man who single-handed defeated a goddess, and I'm going to kill you all now, good luck."

Thankfully, I instinctively dodged the blow.

"Well then, without further ado- [Sacred * Explode]!"

The room was instantly filled with a blinding flash.

Not a single being has been able to withstand this skill in my memory.

… Not even myself, apparently; as casting it this close has blinded and deafened me!

Temporarily, I hope.

And out of nowhere, I felt a huge force unlike anything I've felt before hit me.

I heard, no, _felt_ a loud bang, followed by weightlessness.

"Oi, oi ,oi ,oi! I got her!"

"Good catch, Rorisa!"

"Grrr…...The Devil is now _veeeery_ pissed! ...I'll take you on, Mr. Mackintosh!"

I..I Think that's what they were saying.

I can't exactly tell if the voices are real or just my hallucination.

And I cannot feel my chest.

And I cannot breathe…!

Maybe I should sleep for a while…

When I woke up, I was greeted by…

"Welcome to Purgatory, noble. You've just died. Hopefully you've enjoyed your luxurious, wasteful life while it lasted-"

…Eris-kamisama!?

She looks somewhat different from what I was taught, the cleavage department in particular.

It seems that I have died for some reason, which is bad…

But why do you look so shocked?

"-Haah!? It's you! Oh no, this is bad, this is bad! How could you die? In battle, no less! Ughhh… I knew the whole thieving club was a big mistake…"

Wait, she knows me? And the thieving club?

"Ehh, Iris-san, this is a bit troublesome. Normally I send nobles directly to 'Heaven', but you… How should I put this…"

And this style of speaking…

…

"You are… too important to the plot to be killed off. I don't expect you to understand what that meant, but we have to- huh!?"

"B-Big boss… !"

I instinctively rushed forward into an embrace.

"Ehh!? Wh- so you know, huh… Either way, Kazuma better have an explanation for this…!"

"Kazuma-san has nothing to do with this… It's entirely my own… hubris."

Though in my defense, surviving a [Sacred Explode] isn't an easy feat to pull off.

This is very bad, my friends are probably freaking out right now.

I have to somehow resurrect…!

"Look, although I'm the goddess of this world, I don't exactly have free reign over the dead. I only have the right to judge how a deceased shall be sent, and let the Angels handle the rest. In Kazuma's case, Aqua was able to resurrect him. As for you…"

Our group does have a healer;

But that healer is me and I certainly cannot resurrect.

"Does that mean, I cannot go back? But what else can we do? You said I was too important to die… or something like that…"

Ah, this is bad.

I can feel tears coming out.

I...

 _I actually died a virgin!?_

I even had a whole week unsupervised, in a rented body and I didn't even get to fool around a bit?!

What a tragedy!

I can't help but weep at having had such a wasteful life.

…Calm down, you sissy! You're a big wild adventurer girl now, not some china doll!

"H-hey, don't feel bad! I'm sure I can arrange something with the Angels or even other goddesses… There…there…"

If only Aqua-sama knew about this…

...

Wait, other goddesses… Does that include-

"Hellooooo, Eris? Iris? Is this thing still working? (cough cough)"

Regina-sama!?

"Ehh, that voice… wait, I remember you! When I was still a new goddess… Could it possibly be? Is it you!?"

"Yes, yes, It's been a long time, Eris-chan. I know we have a lot to discuss but as you can see, we have a problem."

Wait, problem? Am I the problem!?

At least with her help, I can get back in the fight! Just cast resurrection on me an-

"Long story short, I made a… questionable decision that eventually ended up killing poor Iris here. Since I don't have the ability to resurrect, I'll-"

What?!

 _Goddess, Cha-nge!_

"Wait, don't hang up yet! I know I've done a lot of pretty disagreeable things, but we'll have to work together to save the plot here. Listen, while I can't resurrect her body, I can keep it in stasis until we can get a proper high priest to resurrect it… more importantly-"

Just cut to the chase!

"-I can switch you into the encrypted body, which is still healthy. In addition, since my current body… isn't optimized for fighting… I'll give you access to all my goddess skills! For as long as my wizards can empower you."

Hmm, this might not be such a bad situation after all.

In fact, I am feeling kind of excited for what I might be able to do with the power of a literal goddess!

I… will accept this compensation. For now.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Let's get going!"

"-But I must remind you; until your real body has fully healed, not even I can switch you back. You may be stuck with blue hair for months, perhaps years…"

…

So, she's going to give me superpowers and extend my vacation in return.

…

It was here and now, that in my heart I seriously decided to treat Regina-sama as a wish granting genie.

I'm going to be having a load of fun with my rented body this time. Not making the same mistake again.

"Sounds good. Let's go Big Boss, send me over to Regina-sama!"

Sorry Big Boss…

...I'm coming to meet onii-sama.

Just as soon as I kick this guy's ass!

I'm definitely shooting for MVP this time.

No one kills a princess and gets away with it.

"Hmmm… Alright, since you seem willing, I'll trust Regina this time. Off you go-"

And with that, my vision filled with light.

"Look, Eris-chan, please just put our differences behind and hear my end of the story while Iris-san fights the First Crimson-"

* * *

 **Part 4**

* * *

...

"Iris! Iris, please wake up… I just gave you all my mana-"

My vision eventually cleared, and I found myself staring up into Regina and Rorisa's faces.

"Bwahahah! Your resistance only makes my codpiece harder! Check out my flying skills! Destroyer armor, fire your beams at will!"

H-he's actually flying through the air while firing some kind of energy beams!?

"Guh! Impressive, very impressive, but the Devil has more tricks to show you yet!"

An utterly ridiculous, flashy bout of powers was destroying what was left of this facility before our eyes.

…

And even our cute (superficial) Devil was barely holding him back!

She can't possibly keep this up for long…

"Iris! You're back!? Sweet-I mean, wow I can't believe you cast an explosion inside a cavern! Were you out of your mind!? You almost gave me concussion! _Smoke screen bolt_!"

Oh, glad to see Revi's helping as much as he could.

"Now, my wizards will [Empower] you. When you see the temporary skill points, spend them all on the new skills!"

Ahh, Rorisa… don't stroke my head like a sick child, I only died.

"Take this! The Arch Devil's own secret finisher, [Vanir-Style Death Ray]!"

A bright beam shot out from her right eye, but it didn't even leave a mark on the Destroyer Armor.

...I'm pretty sure that's not Vanir-san's skill. Merely some kind of intermediate light magic…

"Hah..hah...ahh… The Devil is...very tired… "

Makemake strutted up, pompously.

"That was a brilliant light show, you have talent… I like talent… Maybe my descendents weren't that worthless after all."

Implying you made those descendents...

"Ehh!? The Devil Can't hear you! The explosion from earlier must have deafened me! Come a little closer… closer… ehe…"

Ahh, she's doing the cutesy act again, so that means-

"I said, I liked talent, and that maybe you aren't that… Haaah!?"

I can't believe he fell for it even after all this.

" _EAT HOT CLAWS, LASER BREATH!_ "

Hoost might put up a good fight, but even he might not be able to match this idiot.

"Woah! I had the feeling that you loved to roleplay as unholy beings but this is ridiculous!"

" _THE NAMES HOOST, I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU THE BOOT!"_

With a sickening crunch, the spectral demon kicked the destroyer suit across the room, crashing into a bulkhead and collapsing the ceiling overhead.

" _MUWAHAHAHAHAAH!_ That's what you get for … eh? Did I win?"

Komekko blinked.

"Huwa… I'm… going to nap for a while."

Ahh, that same adorable sound as she hits the ground from mana exhaustion.

...

Did we win?

The rubble across the room shifted.

Of course not.

And that's why I'm here!

"Archwizards, [Empower]!"

With one command, I suddenly sense my (fake) adventurer's card glowing…!

I quickly took it out and saw-

[Equalize], max! [Akashic Transfusion], max! [Shadowthread], max!

Maybe battlepriest isn't such a bad class after all.

I don't know what any of those skills do, but I will soon find out!

"Regina, I trusted that you were going to be a good sport and not interfere while I disposed of these fodders… Do you wish to watch history repeat itself? Eh little girl of puppetry? It'll end much faster this time around, I promise you. Alternatively…I can make it last much longer!"

W-what a creepy face!

Having been a professional loli for the last 12 years of my life, I can confirm that this guy is up to no good.

Therefore… It is about time I returned the favour.

"Uhm… ! [Shadowthread]!"

I shouted the coolest sounding skill directly at the villain!

Now, please do something amazing!

…

Eh!?

A purple thread shot out of me and…

Pulled him straight towards me!?

"Oof!" x2

"Hooh? W-Wait a moment. I suspected that you had an affinity for strong, big brother-like characters, possibly due to the loss of one early in your life. This is way too intimate. Look there, priest doll, I'm more interested in Ms. Kom- I mean, Regina over there."

Is this bad or is this supposed to happen?

I feel like a kid playing with the calibur all over again.

"Hehehe. You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, Makeman."

I really hope it's the latter-

"Oh, that's what you all think, is it? Well… Allow me to demonstrate the Destroyer Armor's close-quarters defense capabilities! Bring out the driller beam!"

Ahhh, this does not sound pleasant at all.

In fact, it sounds sexually violent!

"Iris, hang in there! It appears that Mr. Mac has been immobilized! We will attack with all our might! … Of course, as tempting as it might be, we'll avoid hitting you to the best of our ability."

All your might… huh.

But Komekko, our main carry, is asleep and Rorisa…

"Sigh, this is very troublesome… Most of my support abilities have no effect on him. Even [Charm] just alters his creations slightly. What shall I do… Ah, maybe I can-[Euthanize]!"

Euthanize?

Who? Me!? Oi, I just revived minutes ago!

"Before you ask, don't worry! It only makes you not feel pain! Just in case, you know…"

Rorisa pointed to something above me.

Crap! The beam has begun to carve away at me!

… Indeed, I do not feel any pain…

But still, I need to do something quick! I cannot die a virgin arch-battleprist! The first of my kind in a long time!

"[E-[Equalize]!"

I shouted another random new skill.

Because, well, it sounded like I'd get all his abilities or something.

"-Ahh."

But instead, I felt an extremely pleasurable wave wash over my body…

The burns from the beam attack disappeared!

So this skill heals me huh…

… And it feels quite nice too.

"That skill, huh. Don't get too excited, it'll only delay your eventual death! Destroyer armor, go after the sleeping one!"

This is not good!

Wait, if I let her get scared then save her at the last second… Maybe she'll be grateful and think of me as some sort of a savior figure?

Nah, no time to risk that sort of maneuver.

Makemake hovered high into the air and began charging his heat ray…

"[Shadowthread]!"

You will have to get literally through me first!

Whoosh~

"-Eh!? Again!? My child you are too foolish and stubborn!"

The string rapidly pulled me in front of him.

"Komekko! Wake up! [Mana boost]!"

"...Zzzzzz…"

Crap, my beginner mana buff was nowhere near enough to wake her up.

"Don't worry, I got this. 'Mananite shot'! ...Wait what? My special arrows don't get the skill brackets anymore!? Single quotes are so lame…"

Revi said something strange before shooting at… Komekko!?

…

The arrow head just dissolved into Komekko's body.

To enter her this easily… these arrowheads must be the work of a true evil mastermind.

"... zzz… fwah-hahh… Did we win yet? Did I ascend?"

No, but I did. For a brief moment.

"You're awake? Excellent. Now witness me blast you into juice! Destroyer armor, launch the bombs!"

A small hatch opened on top of the armor and a stream of black balls shot into the air.

"Komekko, just teleport! Teleport somewhere under the rubble or… Anywhere you can! Now! If you don't do it, I'll never give you food or bathe with you again!"

Revi cut in quickly.

"Hah!? Wha- O-okay! [Teleport]!"

"Everyone cover your ears!"

…!

This is going to be loud isn't it…

I'll close my eyes too just in case.

Wait, now that think about it, what did Revi say about bathing again-

 _Boom x100_

Ring-

The room shook as even Makemake was blasted away with me.

"W-wow… By Wolbach, that was loud… Almost as loud as your Sacred Explode earlier."

…I'll take that as a compliment, succubus-chan.

"Going after the small one first, huh? I see that you've not changed at all over the last 400 years."

Regina-sama, I don't think you should be making remarks like these while you're weak!

"Oh really? I was merely using a strategy! Taking out the weaklings first dwindles your numbers; after that, I'll be able to focus on just you! See, I'm not as dumb as you think!"

E-eh?

Are you really sure you aren't dumb, Mack-san?

Judging by my experiences, Regina is the one of the weakest here…!

Judging by their clothing and stalfs, her personal archwizards don't seem to be combat oriented either.

With Komekko out, that means-

"Oh no! I'm only a helpless priest… Yet I'm stuck to your armor! Please don't target me next, I almost (already) died once, it felt horrible!"

-It'll be in our best interest to keep his attention on me.

"Hey, it's not like I'm not swatting you like a fly because you are clinging to me and I think that's kinda hot or anything. Just wait till I clear out the crowd and we can get real intimate. Oh, while you still can, check out the codpiece. It ain't just for show."

D-did the armor just wink at me!?

This guy is more of a scumbag than Kazuma!

But… I have to take this for the team.

"Intimate? Why wait? We can get intimate now! Look, I'll beat you!"

I started punching the armor.

Obviously, it'll deal no damage. The point is to aggro him sufficiently so that he won't harm the others.

"Ahahahaha! Mmm, good, keep beating. I like it a lot! In fact, I'll kill you last. Now, let's see… Succubus-chan!"

…Great, he officially has a crush on me.

"Ehh!? '-chan'? Why are you acting so familiar all of the sudden?"

"You've been trying hard to stay relevant, but all you've done is make this cute priestess unable to feel pain. How is she going to feel my intimate duel after you're all dead? Aha, guess I spoiled it for you. I'm gonna kill you first."

"H-hey, just so you know, we are capable of giving custom dreams you know! If an 'intimate duel' is what you're looking for, I can augment the experience for you!"

"Oh? You mean, those kind of dreams? Haha, too bad, I, the great crimson demon, am not phased by worldly desires. But just out of the pure and simple curiosity for magic, could you demonstrate a little?"

"S-sure! Just take off your helmet for a second so my magic can reach your head… I also need to change into my work uniform, so please look away for a second…"

Wow, what a genius plan.

I should help out.

…By climbing onto his helmet.

"Hey hey, Make-niisan! No looking unless you take off your helmet!"

Rorisa slipped the collar of her dress off her shoulders.

Ah, she's been wearing her regular outfit underneath the whole time…

I wonder what she's been preparing for…!

"That's right! And, my body curves are quite similar to hers, too!"

Just now, she winked down at Revi.

"What!? Rorisa, you're ditching me!? I thought we had something! How could you just sell yourself to this villain!"

And now he turns to me…

"You too! I thought we were friends! You never called me nii-san! Snap out of it!"

Well, that's true.

Primarily because I already have someone I call "nii-san". Used to, at least.

…

I felt a nudge!

"Mmmmhmmm! Veeery good! It's a deal then, let me see how this dream thing works…"

He's actually taking off the helmet!?

Will it be this easy!?

Rorisa's dress has slid off her body and fallen to the ground.

And Makemake's helmet also…!

"...Now it is! [Shadowthread]!"

I gave the signal.

"[Charm]!"

"[Explosive bolt]! Oh hey, the brackets returned!"

Pop.

…

"Muahahaha! Did you think I would really leave my vital area undefended!? That's a rookie mistake! Boom, second helmet! Now all of you are in big trouble! Nice midriff by the way, succubus-chan, even more sculpted than this human's."

…

"Alright, destroyer armor, that bow child tried to hurt me. Pound him!"

Crap, that ended poorly.

I have to defend the prince now.

"Rorisa, _CATCH_!"

"Ehhhh!? C-Coming!"

I let go and quickly found myself in the arms of the now much more agile succubus.

"...Sorry, Iris-san. I tried…"

"It was a very practical idea. You did well. But for now, I need to block that-"

A giant spike protruded from the palm of the armor.

"-giant bolt thing! Put me in its path! Quick!"

"But you'll-"

"Just do it! You'll see my plan soon enough!"

That's right.

I'm going to abuse the hell out of Regina's skill.

"Hey, despite what I said earlier about you, I unfortunately still won't avoid killing you. Get out now, or face the pain-"

Boom-

THUNK-

-I found myself rapidly flying back.

Thankfully, Rorisa found her balance before I hit the boy behind.

"Iris! Your… _Body_!"

What a perverted phrase to yell in this situation-oh.

The giant spike had punched through my whole chest and is now embedded halfway.

"Heh… J-jokes on… you… [E-[Equalize]."

Phew, I almost died before I used that.

Instantly, the giant spike turned translucent and appeared to be absorbed by my body.

"Y-you recovered again! Revi, now! [Create water]!"

"Got it! Let's try this thing out… [Bind spell]! [Spellbound bolt]!"

Huh!?

…Right, Rorisa is a part-time beginner wizard.

The arrow shot directly into the spike-hole on the armor's palm.

"[Freeze]!"

…The classic Kazuma Combo! To think a succubus had mastered it… Just who is she to Kazuma-san!?

"Ahhh!? H-how annoying. Worry not, my armor has a plenty of tricks up its sleeves. And torso. And leggings. And-pretty much everywhere with holes! That's right, destroyer armor! Autobattle!"

The ice has disabled the palm launcher…

…If only there was a way to get water or fire inside the suit.

"Rorisa, Revi, I'm sure you know what my plan is at this point. Circle around him, I'm sure his suit has an air inlet somewhere!"

"Got it, Your Highness. Hey! Robot! Please attack that succubus! You've seen how strong she is, I'm the weakest in this place!"

Revi started running around.

"[Speed buff] [Stamina buff]! [Stamina buff] for you too!"

"Running now, are we? More than one of you ought to be running from this!"

"He's using the bombs again! Fly me on top of him!"

"[Equalize]!"

"[Create water]!"

"[Bind spell], [Spellbound bolt]!"

"[Freeze]!"

Ahhh, that's another weapon blocked.

Disabling all his weapons would take too long…

If I unleashed all the absorbed damage now, it might not be enough.

For now, I'll just have to take more hits…!

The fight went on.

"Nice strategy you have going on there, but I'm afraid you'll all be toast before my beautiful armor got crippled. A shame, since three of you are total …er, 'servant' material!"

"Hey mister, I don't swing that way!"

"Who ever mentioned anything about you, bow boy? I was talking about the red-eyed hott- uh, cutie! I think she'd make a great wi- servant!"

"To think a magic genius (psychopath) like Megumin descended from you…! Aren't you supposed to be good at magic? Yet, you're only abusing this relic!"

"Really now!? You can just look at this impressive codpiece and say I have no magic powers?"

Ugh, him and his codpiece.

"Rorisa, left! … [Equalize]!"

Crack.

"Ehh? Iris, the core! The coronite core dimmed a little!"

What?

We've frozen several more weapons, but freezing shouldn't do that much damage…

"Wait, Regina-sama! What exactly does 'Equalize' do?"

"Ah, I meant to tell you this earlier. It tries to balance the life force between everyone near you. Your party has been draining a lot of energy out of the miniature coronite core, so it dimmed…"

That is… GREAT news!

"What about the last skill? The 'Akashic transfusion'? It sounds similar to 'Akashic discharge'..."

"Ah, that skill can store damage taken by anyone including yourself to be unleashed on anything of your choosing. You've been using it all this time-"

"[Akashic transfusion]!"

Sounds simple enough. Simple enough to use it right away.

"!?"

Ha, you screwed up now.

The armor began to crack…

The magic circles and mana traces covering the destroyer armor flickered and supputered out as the damage was applied, totally bypassing the barriers.

"[Greater Explosive bolt], more [Greater Explosive bolt]!"

Crack, crack-

"Ah, letting a boy undress you… Perhaps you want THAT other kind of service. Although it's not my expertise, I will try to recreate it."

Hmm, he seems truly stunned now.

"W-what!? Wait, how did that even happen? I-I demand a rematch! Just watch, I'll summon something even stronger-"

"Iris, the relic! Grab it!"

Gotcha, Regina-sama!

"[Shadowthread]!"

* * *

 **Part 5**

* * *

Suddenly, I found myself in another place.

Everything is burning!

I'm alone in the middle of… buildings? Tall buildings?

Where the hell is this!?

Wait, something is moving in the distance…

Is that-

The shadow looked like a giant spider.

-That has to be the mobile destroyer fortress!

Then that means…

"Iris,"

A female voice echoed around me.

She sounds like… Regina?

"Can you see it? My memories."

Wait, YOUR memories?

This has to be Norse, the fallen kingdom!

Does that mean, you were from-

"Yeah, I can. Isn't this Norse?"

"Indeed. Now, look into the distance; see if you can find him."

…

"You mean that guy laughing maniacally at the top of the tallest, burning structure?"

"Y-you didn't even turn to look…"

I know the type.

"So, this embarrassing guy is the missing piece of history?"

"Indeed, my nation met its end to an extreme, fatal case of over inflated involuntary celibacy."

…

You mean, _he_ was the sole reason? That idiot?

"I mean, it was cute and all when he confessed but-"

"So he was always a lolicon?"

"Ah?! No well...look over there."

There, trying desperately to halt the destroyer, stood a much taller, bustier Regina-sama.

She's quite womanly...no rather-

-I'm jealous AF!

I guess the right looks _can_ get you anything you want.

"Aww, maybe I should start from the beginning…"

?

My view shimmered and shifted.

The scene changed. This time, I was in an alley.

"And that, fellow Norse, was how your sacred goddess literally slept with two devils at the same time. It could have been worse, she could have raped me instead! I escaped narrowly! Would you trust a literal prostitute to rule your nation?"

Standing on a wooden desk was Makemake, speaking in front of a small crowd of people.

Wait, is he making it up or did Regina…

The scene changed again.

This time, I was in the middle of a square, next to Makemake.

"...If you dug in the ancient libraries, you might come across this one called 'Liberum Divinus', an encyclopedia of all holy beings. It's the only book ever written by a divine being, an anonymous, young one at that. In there, you see all the currently known gods and devils, old or young. If you flip through the pages, you can see that most of them had two powers, not just one. Here, on page 81, it reads ' _...of Moisture and Negligence, of Clairvoyance and Beams, of Revenge and Control...'_ Now, it doesn't mention the names we're used to, but it's easy to guess which one is associated with 'revenge'. 'Revenge'... sounds awfully like vengeance, huh? And what's that about control!? Of course you wouldn't know this, because you're the ones getting manipulated!"

The crowd was visibly bigger than the last scene. The people are a lot more animated, too.

It's hard to imagine that an idiot like Makemake can garner such a following.

"Iris, do you think I'm evil?"

Well, evil is a strong word.

There are two sides to most people, even Kazuma-san.

"Well, I'm associated with people more evil than you, and I'm the princess. So, I'd say you're fine…"

"...Really?"

The scene changed again. There's Makemake, on the top of a church.

"...Remember, we want justice, not vengeance! Transparency, not manipulation! Give your faith to me, for I know the way better than her. Further, I won't spend most of my time dating devils!"

The crowd, extending to the edge of my vision, roared.

But even then, he shouldn't be able to overthrow someone who's been governing for hundreds of years.

"The fact that you gave me all these powers… is proof enough that you are a good goddess."

…

What's this scene,

A group of people drinking after work?

Makemake and… Who's this ugly old bearded guy?

"You see, the issue with your actualization ability is the limits of your own mind! Imagination, you lack imagination!"

"No rather, we even managed to acquire a sample of real coronotite, yet…..aggg!"

"S...stop! Your hair is falling in my drink...ahh! It took me two hours to convince the bartender to give that one for free! I mean, what can you make reliably with that thing anyway? What exactly is your mind filled with? "

"In scientific terms, Items Bearing Depraved and Sexual Mechanics. (iBDSM)"

…

This guy could have been Kazuma-san's ancestor and it'd all make sense.

"Yikes. Who is this old man? What is this ability they're talking about?"

"He was a hero, reincarnated into Norse to defeat the Demon King. His special skill was to create anything he could think of. I regret giving this to him deeply."

No way! The ability to create literally anything… Not dangerous at all!

And somehow, the Demon King still lives.

"Listen, listen (burp), what if you like...I don't know...used that power to actualize the power? So, you know… anyone can make whatever they want? That'd be so cool man… I'd be able to walk around with like, this giant bloody codpiece. All the ladies are gonna love it! Some coronite ain't crap compared to that, right Mr 'Head of Norse Research and Development'? Hahahaha."

"...Hold my beer. You underestimate the power of sexualization(burp), I mean actual-"

"Wait, that's illegal! How could a hero's unique power re-manifest itself!? Isn't that against the rules!?"

Regina's voice called out again;

"...Well, it wasn't illegal at that time. That was certainly a breakthrough for the goddess society: don't give perks that can self manipulate."

Before Makemake, something appeared.

A necklace.

"Is it just me, or does that look like…a pair of panties? ...With a crotch cutout?"

Regina did not comment.

…So that's how he successfully overthrew a goddess. With some campaigning and a panties necklace.

As the people lost faith in her, she grew weaker, and Makemake was able to eventually defeat her.

And there was nothing she could have done to stop the Destroyer Fortress.

All because her own people have turned against her.

…

The ruins faded back into focus.

A surge of burning hatred flowed through me…

In my right hand, a pair of metal panties.

Wearing it, a shocked and fearful Makemake.

"H-haha, even then, you cannot destroy it. It was designed to be indestructible; otherwise, I would have destroyed it long ago!"

That's where you're wrong, kiddo-

"O relic of creation, please create air in my right hand."

* * *

 **Hey everyone!**

 **Thanks for sticking with us, i know our update rate is kinda... _next to nil._**

...

 ** _Next Chapter!_**

"Final Chapter - Faith for This Tragic Goddess!"


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